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The King of Pop, Johnny Depp, Human Nature

The King of Pop, Johnny Depp, Human Nature (photo)

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It’s no secret Johnny Depp loves to play freaks, and he plays them brilliantly. Poor pale Edward with scissors for hands, nerdy Ed (Wood) obsessed with cheap horror, Bon Bon the Cuban transexual drug smuggler, the extremely queer Willy Wonka.

If his adoring babe fans met one of his film characters in real life they wouldn’t even give him a chance to introduce himself. There are a few exceptions, like his pre-syphilis Earl of Rochester in “The Libertine” (whom it’s no secret I’ve been modeling myself after on weekends = fail), but of course if Johnny plays a slick pimp like Rochester, he has to end up ghastly pale and his nose has to be falling off by the end of the film.

(Johnny Depp’s syphilitic Rochester in “The Libertine”)

So it’s not surprising that rumor is spreading that he’s a top choice to play Michael Jackson in a biopic that you know suits were stabbing each other over before the King of Pop’s body was even cold. Contactmusic reported that “an insider” said both Jamie Foxx an Johnny Depp were being considered depending on decisions made in the Jackson family about how to proceed. Then there’s some idiot celebrity gossip blogs crapping out letters that somehow form words, but barely sentences, that imply Depp spoke positively about the possibility of such a role (which I will not link, they will only hurt your eyes).

Poppycock I say. Anyway in the same article that reported the “insider” Depp is quoted saying “No no no, I never ever thought of playing Michael Jackson in a film, I think if anyone should play Michael Jackson in a film it should’ve been Michael Jackson.” Damn right Johnny, I couldn’t agree more. Dial up some “Moonwalker,” a bucket of popcorn and call it a day. But a biopic is inevitable, it’s human nature.

Who would really play Michael, and mean it?

Human Nature, Michael Jackson

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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