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G.I. Joe: the FAIL of jock entertainment

G.I. Joe: the FAIL of jock entertainment (photo)

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G.I. Joe was the best thing a kid could have in the early 80’s, even better than the other toy/cultural giant, “Star Wars,” shocking as that may sound. G.I. Joe was an awesome toy line driven by a TV show and comic books, even a movie. “Star Wars” was a movie (or movies), supported by a toy line. While those film releases were colossal events, they were separated by vast stretches of time, whereas G.I.Joe came on every single day, as soon as you got home from school.

It should be no wonder then, that it’s very special to a generation of fans who collected the comic books, watched the cartoon every day, and coveted a literally unending series of superior swivel-arm battle grip action figures, and cool real-world based vehicles. I still hear the G.I.Joe theme song in my head sometimes, and instinctively begin pining for fruit roll ups and that hot, bespectacled Baroness.

So where’s the G.I Joe we all grew up with, the one we love? It looks like it might be buried under ugly “Iron Man” rip-off costumes, weak casting and way to much testosterone even for G.I. Joe. Although, Cobra looks kind of cool. Stormshadow and Snake Eyes look suitably bad ass, if a bit to high-octane. Is everyone on crystal meth?

Alan Silvestri is the composer, and while he might have some dope scores (“Predator”) his recent work with “Rise of Cobra” director Stephen Sommers just sounds like everything else. They have been a frequent team, and not always a good one… “Van Helsing” was one of the wost movies I’ve ever seen. It was so lame and in your face at every exploding meth lab turn. I get the value that extreme sporto entertainment can provide sometimes, after all I was once a Ronnie Raygun, violent American boy too. But are they dumbing down G.I. Joe? I would not have thought that possible.

And where’s the damn song? Silvestri, there better be the sweet scene where you slip in nods to that beloved tune. It’s the least you guys could do.


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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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