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Bad Lieutenants

Bad Lieutenants (photo)

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New Order lost their edge a long time ago, and though they have some great records, they’re a bit dull to my ear when compared with their first incarnation, Joy Division. Just as the remaining members went on with a new name and sound after Ian Curtis’ death, so do they now after ditching bassist Peter Hook. Good on them, it’s sure not New Order without him. In his stead, they’ve picked up Alex James from Blur and the name Bad Lieutenant. From what I’ve heard so far, they don’t live up to the name.

And make no mistake, there is only one “Bad Lieutenant” they could be referring to and that’s Abel Ferrara’s 1992 masterwork starring Harvey Keitel. Why you would want to take that name and then write namby-pamby songs about hurting and being a wuss, I don’t know. Sure, those are the kind of songs I hum to myself, but I don’t go around calling myself Bad Lieutenant.

Even more mind blowing though is this Werner Herzog remake/sequel/rip off called, “Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans.” I’ve been unable to excuse the Grand Theft Auto style title but given that it’s Herzog, I figured there had to be something great about it. Why else would you eff with a legendary film like “Bad Lieutenant?” Herzog’s ill conceived title stars Nicolas Cage and Val Kilmer, which is so whack you’d think Herzog knew something no one else did. After all, both actors were once Gods in my book, but aside from one offs like Kilmer’s Gay Perry in 2005’s “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,” he’s been a shabby idol. For Cage, you have to go back much further for anything remotely worthwhile, maybe 2002’s “Adaptation.” “Moonstruck” and “Wild At Heart” were a lifetime ago.

I remember talking to a sound guy for the original film, a couple years after it came out and being in awe of everything he said. He described the hair pulling pace, the jacked up atmosphere and how Keitel and Ferrara were just making shit up left and right. He said the script he had was like 4 pages long and that everything was basically invented as they went along, as if those guys had intimate experience with the subject matter.

By contrast, Herzog’s writer is a TV cop show guy. And it looks like neither of them have the chops for a film using “Bad Lieutenant” in the title. If this trailer is any indication, the music is going to blow too. I’d like to re-cut it with nothing but Keitel’s tortured, hilarious moaning over it.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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