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You Know Your Band Has Made It When…

You Know Your Band Has Made It When… (photo)

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Like many other music-minded New Yorkers, I’m in a band. I do it mostly for fun, but, yes, there are some afternoons where I daydream of selling out an arena show, leaping into an adoring crowd, and being passed around from the floor all the way to the upper-deck seats in section 808?

(left: What’s inside may surprise you.)

Chances are that will never happen (geez–booking a Friday night gig in the city may never happen at this point in time). Even though Deck-of-Jack (oh yeah, that’s the name of my band) may never tour the world or share studio time with our favorite musical artists (sorry Steve, I don’t see you ever getting the opportunity to jam out with Jimmy Page and Robert Plant), we have accomplished a feat other artists can only dream about: we’ve made it into a children’s book!

That’s right sucka, our band sticker made it into the backstage area of a Punk Farm concert. If you don’t have children, you may not know that Punk Farm is a series of picture books that tells the story of a punk band consisting of a sheep, a pig, a cow, a chicken, and a goat. The author of the books, Jarett J. Krosocka, is a friend of our drummer (the one who’s probably never gonna rock out with Led Zeppelin), but we were never included in any of the books until he attended one of our live performances–fittingly in the basement of CBGB’s. I’d like to believe if we had a crappy performance, we wouldn’t have been given the honor.

The book we’re included in–Punk Farm On Tour–was released in 2007, but I just recently saw our sticker for the first time. A whole bunch of friends and family are currently having babies, and my wife suggested I impress the infants with a picture book featuring a bumper-sticker-illustration of my band.

We may not be big now, but just give us 16 years (the perfect amount of time for our infantile fan base to turn into teenagers), and my dream of body surfing to the upper deck may become reality.

(below: Read it and weep, that’s Deck-of-Jack in the centerfold of a kid’s book!)

Punk Farm.jpg

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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