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DID YOU READ

TALK: Material Girl Vs. Scientists of Sound

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Today my friend Peter is in town, and he will be taking me to my first ever Madonna concert.

(left: Peter and Jim go at it in a no holds barred, Madonna/B-Boy battle.)

Over the years Peter has amazed me with his vast knowledge of the Material Girl. His excitement and passion for all things Madonna reminds me of, well, my excitement and passion for the Beastie Boys. Because it would be nearly impossible to determine if I am a bigger Beastie Boys buff than Peter is a Madonna fan, we decided to school each other on our respective obsessions.

Do I know more about Madonna than Peter knows about the Beastie Boys? We find out right now:

QUESTION #1
Something Everyone Should Know About This Artist

Jim: The Beastie Boys are widely known for their creative music videos. They’re probably best known for one they made in the 80’s and one they made in the 90’s. Name at least one of these videos.

Peter: Well, I think I know the video in the 80’s that you are referring to, but I can’t think of the title. It escapes me at the moment. (Is it one that Spike Jonze directed?) The one from the 90’s that I saw the most was “Intergalactic,” which featured the colossal robots. Very creative! Being a video visionary is something that the Beastie Boys have in common with Madonna, so that’s a great common ground to begin this “exploration.” 🙂

Jim: Their most mainstream video from the 80’s was “Fight For Your Right To Party,” which they performed live when they opened up for Madonna on her “Like A Virgin” Tour. In the 90’s they’re probably most well-known for “Sabotage,” which was directed by Spike Jonze. You managed to spit out Spike Jonze and “Intergalactic,” so I think that deserves at least one point.

Peter: Well, thanks! I think “Sabotage” was the one I was thinking of, for sure. I didn’t realize that was a 90s release. I’m glad you’ve already pointed out another connection between Madonna and the Beastie Boys — performing on her Virgin Tour! So, now that I’ve scored one point, it’s time for you to score your first point. It’s an easy one. TRUE or FALSE: “Madonna” is the “real” (e.g., given) name of the artist we all know by that one name.

Jim: I’ll say “true.” Any extra points for knowing her real last name, Ciccone?

Peter: Correct! And you definitely get extra points for knowing her last name. There is a little misconception out there that Madonna “adopted” a “stage name,” but that’s not true. Madonna is her real first name, as she was named after her mother (and then there is that whole taking on Esther as her spiritual name, but, we still all know her by one name.) Good job, Jim!

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QUESTION #2
Something a Novice Music Fan Should Know About This Artist.

Jim: Speaking of names, and I totally didn’t steal this question from you, name at least two of the Beastie Boys. Stage names and/or real names count on this one.

Peter: I was totally afraid this question was coming. I’m tempted to just be completely wrong by saying Melchior, Caspar, and Balthazar. Is one of them named Daryl? I know that once I hear their stage names, I will be kicking myself, because I have heard/read their names, but I obviously haven’t been able to retain that as easily as “Beastie Boys.”

Jim: Hmm, a Three Kings reference? Nice try, but sorry Peter, you’re not going to milk any points out of me on this one. Here goes:

Adam Yauch, (MCA)
Michael Diamond (Mike D)
Adam Horovitz (Adrock)

Peter: Yeah, flattery will get me nowhere. All right, all right. I admit I needed a little education there. So here goes with my second question:

Madonna’s been churning out chart hits in three decades now — 80’s, 90’s, and 00’s. Name three hits, one from each decade (I’ll let you off the hook with ONLY two, IF, you can name the EXACT two which are the double platinum singles of her career).

Jim: Let’s do this! In the 80’s, I’ll go with “Holiday,” 90’s I’ll say “Human Nature” (the best Madonna ever looked in a music video), and for the 00’s let’s go with “Hung Up.” I wanted to say “Music” but I can’t remember if that was late 90’s or early 00’s.

Peter: Correct on all counts! “Music” was millennial Madonna, released in 2000, and was the first time since “Like a Prayer” (1989) that she had a number one album and number one single simultaneously. (By the way, the two double platinum singles of her career are 1990’s “Vogue” and 2008’s “4 Minutes.” You get extra credit for even knowing “Human Nature,” whose chart performance was less than her usual greatness, but you are absolutely right, the video (directed by Jean-Baptiste Mondino) is a standout amongst her many video masterpieces.

QUESTION #3
Maybe You’ll Get This, Maybe You Won’t

Jim: For a span of three albums, the Beastie Boys collaborated with this semi-popular, very odd, old-school hip-hop performer. We used to joke that if it were not for the Beastie Boys this MC would be out of work. I’ll give you a couple hints: He pops up frequently as a talking-head on VH1, he was involved in a historic sampling lawsuit, and “nobody beats him.”

Peter: Hmm… I’m going to guess Grandmaster Flash. ? What’s the historic sampling suit? The only major suit that comes to mind for me is the Queen “Under Pressure” / Vanilla Ice “Ice Ice Baby” suit.

Jim: The correct answer is Biz Markie. His song “Alone Again (Naturally)” featured uncleared samples, and in the case of Grand Upright Music, Ltd. v. Warner Bros. Records, Inc., a new precedent in hip-hop was set: all samples must be cleared through their owners before anyone else can use them. By the way, “Nobody Beats the Biz!”

Peter: Clearly, and nobody beats Jim, either! But this is good, I’m learning a lot, and hopefully your readers are, too. By the way, speaking of samples, did you know that ABBA are notoriously protective of their music and very rarely grant permission for samples? Madonna’s “Hung Up” samples their “Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight).”

Speaking of collaborations, Madonna’s “4 Minutes” features Justin Timberlake and Timbaland. Name one other high profile Madonna duet collaboration. I’m thinking vocalists here, not producers.

Jim: It’s good you said “vocalists,” cause I was about to shout out Dennis Rodman and Jose Canseco (laughs). Kanye West does something on her new album, right? If you consider him a vocalist, then I’ll have my point please.

Peter: Congrats! That was one I wasn’t even thinking of, although Mr. West clearly counts (and I should mention Pharrell as well, because he contributes backing vox on the same track, “Beat Goes On.”) Other correct responses include: Prince (“Love Song”), Babyface (“Take a Bow”), Ricky Martin (“Be Careful”), Britney Spears (“Me Against the Music”), and Missy Elliot (“Into the Groove” 2003 remix).

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QUESTION #4
Something Only a Truly Devoted Fan Would Know

Jim: Do you want to guess MCA’s basketball name? Or the band that played at his wedding?

Peter: Well, I’d like to say that the Beastie Boys and Madonna reunited for the wedding gig, but I know that’s not true. (Let’s be fair, “Like A Virgin” is just not an appropriate selection for the wedding reception playlist.) I’m going to guess something like The Flaming Lips or the Violent Femmes?
Why? No idea. They are just the names that pop to mind.

Jim: Alright, so you went for the band question. Rancid actually played MCA’s wedding reception. His basketball handle, by the way, is “Praying Mantis.”

Peter: Excellent! I hope no one ever steps on him on the court!

My next question is this: Which Madonna video is in the permanent collection in MoMA? If you need a hint, it is shown alongside another video by the same director, Mark Romanek.

Jim: I’m envisioning Madonna wearing a Lone Ranger mask. Am I getting warm? It would have to be something epic, right? Crap. Because I think I’m probably cold, I’ll take a stab at “Frozen?”

Peter: “Frozen” is a nice choice, but ultimately incorrect. The video on display is “Bedtime Story,” reportedly her most expensive video shoot. It’s filled with imagery borrowed from the paintings of female surrealist painters, but no Lone Ranger mask. The other video at MoMA is “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails.

QUESTION #5
Bordering On Obsession

Jim: As a child Michael Diamond used to trick-or-treat at what Star Wars’ character’s house?

Peter: Toughie! And obscure, but that’s good! So I’ll go with Obi Wan Kenobi. (Yoda would be cool, though! Would be a long trip to another planet.)

Jim: Same side of the force, so I’ll give you half a point. The correct answer is Carrie Fisher, aka, Pricess Leia.

Peter: Ha, that’s great! Okay, last question. On Madonna’s Erotica album, she covers the Peggy Lee classic, “Fever.” This wasn’t the song Madonna originally intended to cover, but another artist (a country music singer) stole Madonna’s thunder and released his own cover first, forcing Madonna to re-consider her track list. What was her first choice?

Jim: No clue.

Peter: “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’,”originally recorded by Nancy Sinatra, was covered by Billy Ray Cyrus in 1992, forcing Madonna to change her plans. Given the astronomical number of covers by other artists (Jessica Simpson, Geri Halliwell, Jewel, Boy George and even LaToya Jackson!), it’s unlikely Madonna will ever follow through on this old idea. Too bad, ’cause Madonna wears a lot of great boots!

Jim: Yes she does! Do I get any extra credit for shouting out the “Don’t Tell Me” video? Gotta love her cowboy attire in that clip. Thanks for playing, and I owe you a Beastie Boys concert when they start touring again.

Peter: Thanks for letting me play! You get extra credit for “Don’t Tell Me” (another great Mondino-directed video). I wish I could say I’m in “Triple Trouble,” but I got four questions wrong, not three. You definitely have demonstrated that you’re prepared for tonight’s Madonna gig, though. Thanks again!

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosĂ©.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…