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“I would simply go to the Internet and watch real people having real sex.”

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09092008_zackandmiri.jpg“I was on a roll, so I kept going with it. I said, ‘Look, if I were a 13-year-old boy, and I saw [‘Zack and Miri’] on cable back in 1983? Yes, it would send me to the bathroom to jerk off. Now, as a 13-year-old boy, if I saw this movie? It would not titillate me. I would simply go to the Internet and watch real people having real sex. How can you possibly say this is too erotically charged when it’s so obviously a comedy with people having over-the-top fake sex, when we can see examples of real sex at a keystroke?’ ”
         –Kevin Smith on appealing “Zack and Miri Make a Porno”‘s NC-17, at Salon.

“[I]t’s weird, because everywhere I go, people yell, ‘Grasshopper!’ or ‘Bill!’ but down there in Mexico or Colombia or anywhere in South America or most of Europe, people will yell, ‘Serpent’s Egg!’ And I’ll go, ‘Wow, man, these people are really hip.’ “
         –David Carradine on acting in Ingmar Bergman’s 1977 “The Serpent’s Egg,” at the Onion AV Club.

“To be clear, Kirby Dick’s movie was a one-sided and inaccurate view of the system and it should by no means be considered a credible source on the topic. The ratings are an informational guide for parents — and that’s it. The rating board doesn’t censor films. It doesn’t say if a movie is good or bad. It isn’t the morality police of our society. None of that is appropriate. It simply makes sure parents have the information they need to make decisions as they raise their kids.”
         –MPAA CEO Dan Glickman on “This Film Is Not Yet Rated,” at the New York Times.

“I went to camps way out in the middle of nowhere and shook hands and took pictures with over 17,000 troops. I’d go to an outdoor toilet and there are Chuck Norris facts on the walls. When I arrived in Iraq, I saw a sign that said, ‘Chuck Norris is here. We can now go home.’ Man, I wished that was the truth.”
         –Chuck Norris, who otherwise unamusingly talks politics, policy issues and his new book “Black Belt Patriotism,” at Time.

“Dexter resonates so loudly in the depths of my soulless soul that laughs bounced around in there and come screaming out. I feel somehow when watching Dexter as if it speaks only to me. I love rooting for the serial killer. That’s the essence of noir — the highly imperfect hero who convinces you that you would kill too, and that, indeed, it’s the right thing to do if only you had the courage.”
         –Paul Krik, director of the low-budget 9/11 conspiracy noir “Able Danger,” at Spout.

[Photo: “Zack and Miri Make a Porno,” Weinstein Company, 2008]

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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