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DID YOU READ

List: Scenes For, or Not For, Really Intense Loners

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By Dan Kennedy

THREE SCENES TO WATCH IN HOPES OF CONVINCING
YOURSELF
YOU’RE A REALLY INTENSE LONER WHO NEEDS NOBODY

Scene in “Repo Man” when Emilio Estevez tells Kevin to quit singing the 7-Up theme song, shoves him into a display of cans, then walks backwards out of store with both middle fingers extended toward the advancing security guard.

Scene in “Superbad” when Seth asks Evan, “What, so I gotta sit here and eat my dessert alone like I’m fuckin’ Steven Glansberg?” (Cut to the aforementioned Steven Glansberg eating alone at another table.)

Bill Murray on the ride from airport to hotel upon arrival in Tokyo in the opening credits of “Lost in Translation.”

THREE TO WATCH WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU, IN FACT, ARE NOT A
REALLY INTENSE LONER WHO NEEDS NOBODY

Scene in “Bottle Rocket” when Dignan cues Bob to tell him why Bob should be given the job of being the gang’s getaway driver. Dignan: “Bob Maplethorpe; potential getaway driver; go.”

At the Hitching Post in Buellton in “Sideways,” Jack tries against all odds to make Miles understand that Maya’s ring is probably fake, that Maya likes Miles, that Miles is blind to this chance.

Isaac and Tracy eating Chinese food in bed, in “Manhattan.”

THE BEST SONG TO PLAY ON REPEAT IN AIRPORT LATE
AT NIGHT WAITING OUT WEATHER DELAY

“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio
“Wolf Like Me” by TV On the Radio

Dan Kennedy is author of the books “Rock On” and “Loser Goes First,” and a longstanding contributor at McSweeney’s dot net. His essays appear in GQ, and his work has been anthologized in “Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans: The Best of McSweeney’s Humor Category,” “Mountain Man Dance Moves: The McSweeney’s Book of Lists,” and other publications.

He lives in New York City and there is speaking and reading in downtown clubs, and on stages across the country. Find out more about “Rock On: An Office Power Ballad” at the official site.

This list marks day 22 of IFC’s List Month — check back here for a new list every weekday!

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Final Countdown

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…