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IT’S LIKE THAT: Maxim Apologizes For Reviewing A Black Crowes Album They Hadn’t Heard

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Yesterday I bit. Yep, I bit for one of those news teasers posted on Yahoo. The headline read: “Maxim Apologizes for Review.” I just had to click on the story. A music critic apologizing for an album review? Are you kidding me? That’s like Bill O’Reilly pledging support for Barack Obama, or a New York Yankees fan applauding the Boston Red Sox’ World Series victory last October. A holier-than-thou-I-know-more-about-music-than-you critic actually conceded defeat. For real?

A music critic from Maxim magazine gave the Black Crowes’ forthcoming album Warpaint, a two-and-a-half star (out of five) review. So what’s the problem? Well, The Black Crowes didn’t release advance copies of Warpaint, so it would have been impossible for the reviewer to listen to the entire album. There’s a good chance they only listened to the single “Goodbye Daughters of the Revolution” (the only song off the album that has been released thus far). After being called out, the magazine claimed the review was “an educated guess.” Educated guess meet wardrobe malfunction!

Did we really need to go this far to figure out that music reviews aren’t set-in-stone tutorial guides for listening to an album? I understand the Black Crowes’ beef with Maxim. On one hand how can you be divvying out stars for albums when you haven’t even listened to the complete body of work? It also creates quite a slippery slope–if you can get away without listening to an album–hell–you can turn in movie reviews and concert critiques without even leaving your home. On the other hand, it’s pretty convenient that up until yesterday I didn’t even realize the Black Crowes were releasing a new album. Today, if you do an internet search for “Black Crowes” and “Maxim”, it’ll take you two seconds to figure out that Warpaint is dropping on Tuesday, March 4–hey wait a second–that’s next week! Famous painter Bob Ross would call all of this a “happy accident!”

Let’s get serious for a second. If you have a subscription to Maxim or find yourself thumbing through it in the grocery store, are you really going to head straight for the album review section? Hey Bob, Tapes ‘n Tapes just finished their new album, let’s check out Maxim to see how many stars it gets! It all reminds me of the old joke: “I heard you read Playboy for the articles.”

Trust me, seeing a music critic with egg on their face, makes me smile ear-to-ear. Anyone who thinks they can turn opinion into fact just as easy as Jesus turned water into wine, needs a little wake up call every now and then. But people, let’s not get our hot-pink panties in a bind here. For a media outlet that boasts a sex blog, along with weblinks titled “Hometown Hotties” and “Sexy Time”, do we really need to worry about an incomplete Black Crowes album review? When teenage boys have issues of Filter and Magnet magazine tucked under their mattress, then it’ll be time to start worrying.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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