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DID YOU READ

“El Cantante”

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By Matt Singer

IFC News

[Photo: Marc Anthony in “El Cantante,” Picturehouse Entertainment, 2007]

“El Cantante” is a love letter from its stars, Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez, to themselves. Though it is a biopic about a talented singer, salsa pioneer Hector Lavoe, celebrating his life, his music and his fans takes a backseat to celebrating the great off-screen romance between Mr. and Mrs. J.Lo. Their love will last a lifetime, or at least as long as it takes you to sit through this muddled vanity project.

Lavoe (Anthony), who was born in Puerto Rico and moved to New York City in the 1960s, was a crucial member of the early salsa scene. His loyal wife Puchi (Lopez) was always by his side. In classic biopic storytelling fashion, we get only the most crucial information about these two people and we get it delivered in the most economical, least dramatic way possible. For instance, we meet Lavoe in Puerto Rico, where he is a street performer. Cut to Lavoe and his father, begging his son not to go to America. Cut to Lavoe in America. Cut to “Four Months Later” and Lavoe is already an emerging talent on the club scene. Soon Hector is an enormous star, and later he will get washed away in a sea of druggy excess, but the life lived between these moments is never present. The film is a series of actions without motivations.

What, after all, do we know about Hector? We know he’s Puerto Rican, that he has a “one-in-a-million voice” — and he does, or at least Anthony does — and that he loves to smoke crack, especially before a big performance. Director Leon Ichaso and writers David Darmstaeder and Todd Bello never address Hector’s desires or goals, at least those beyond drink and drugs. They make shockingly quick work of what is typically the most interesting part of this kind of story, the subject’s meteoric rise, and make frustratingly slow work of the least interesting part, his inevitable fall. Everyone tells Lavoe that he’s so talented that his success is guaranteed, and that could very well be accurate. But accurate or not, guaranteed success is also guaranteed lack of drama.

For sure, the soundtrack (along with Anthony’s musical performance) is terrific, but the songs feel disconnected from the narrative they support with their infectious energy. Music is performed but it is never created. Montages show us concert posters and album covers, but we don’t see most of the concerts and we see none of the albums being written, recorded or discussed. “El Cantante” credits Lavoe and his trumpeter, Willie Colón (John Ortiz) as the originators of salsa music but the two spend remarkably little time actually developing their sound. Naming the genre they create is as easy as Willie saying “Call it salsa — it’s a musical sauce!”

No matter how badly Hector behaves, Puchi’s there to clean him up and shove him out on stage, where he can perform and she can dance and sing along from the wings. “El Cantante” is, as much as anything, about the sheer thrill Lopez gets out of watching Anthony on stage — the accumulated adoring imagery of her gazing appreciatively at her man reminded me of Amber Waves’ documentary about Dirk Diggler in “Boogie Nights.” The co-stars passion for one another is always evident. Their passion for their audience, a great deal less so.

A note: Though the film spans decades in the characters’ lives, Lopez and Anthony never seem to age physically outside of “El Cantante”‘s framing story epilogue. Their child grows in front of our eyes from infant to toddler to troubled teenager but his parents stay a well-preserved 35. Could these two simply not bear the thought of looking old on camera?

“El Cantante” opens in wide release on August 3rd (official site).

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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