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DID YOU READ

Opening This Week

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By Christopher Bonet

IFC News

[Photo: “Nomad (The Warrior),” Weinstein Co, 2007]

A round-up of the best (or worst) $10 you’ll spend this week.

“Adam’s Apples”

This feature from Danish filmmaker Anders Thomas Jensen (who won an Oscar in 1998 for his short film “Election Night”) has been lingering around film festivals since August of 2005, and finally finds its stateside release this week. What happens when a neo-Nazi is forced to serve a community sentence at a church? Hijinks ensure. This black comedy was Denmark’s submission for the 2006 Foreign Language Film Oscar.

Opens in limited release (official site).

“American Cannibal: The Road to Reality”

Filmmakers Perry Grebin and Michael Nigro follow up their 2002 short “Creative Process 473” with this not-so-subtle indictment of the reality television industry in which a film crew documents the train-wreckish production of a controversial reality show. The filmmakers advertise the film as a “true” documentary, though we were left rather unimpressed at last year’s Tribeca Film Festival.

Opens in limited release (official site).

“Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon”

First-time director Scott Glosserman presents the week’s other faux documentary, an interesting twist on the horror genre. The film follows a psychopathic killer who grants a documentary film crew exclusive access to his reign of terror over a fictional small American town. Popular character actor and horror icon Robert Englund reprises his role as Freddy Krueger.

Opens in limited release (official site).

“Caffeine”

Hormones are set ablaze in this indie comedy about the sex lives of the clients and employees of a small coffee shop in London. The feature directorial debut of television producer John Cosgrove features a winning cast that includes Mena Suvari, Katharine Heigl, Marsha Thomason and… Breckin Meyer (why?).

Opens in limited release (official site).

“Dead Silence”

Those spunky young Aussies who created the “Saw” trilogy try their hand at…more horror. James Wan directs this flick about a young widower who returns to his hometown to investigate his wife’s murder and stumbles across a Dreadful Secret that’s haunted Raven’s Fair for years.

Opens wide (official site).

“I Think I Love My Wife”

Chris Rock’s directorial debut film, 2003’s “Head of State,” had an interesting premise and a strong cast, but underperformed both at the box office and with critics. We’re hoping Rock bring his A game for this one, as his writing efforts tend to be a mix of hits (TV’s “Everybody Hates Chris”) and misses (2001 clunker “Down to Earth”). Rock plays a married man drawn to a younger woman as his wife, preoccupied by her own career and raising their two children, has little time for him.

Opens wide (official site).

“Nomad (The Warrior)”

The nation of Kazakhstan regains some of its dignity following the political debacle of Borat with this historical epic set during the 18th century. “Nomad: The Warrior” tells the story of a young boy who is destined to unite the three warring tribes of Kazakhstan against invaders and national enemies. It’s the most expensive film ever to be shot in Kazakhstan at $40 million and was the nation’s official entry for the Best Foreign Language Film Oscar.

Opens in limited release (official site).

“Premonition”

Former rom-com queen Sandra Bullock has of late been choosing a series of gutsier roles, from her critically-praised supporting turn as Harper Lee in the Truman Capote biopic “Infamous,” her role in Oscar-winner “Crash,” and that convoluted time-traveling house movie. In “Premonition,” Bullock stars as a married woman whose life is thrown into chaos when she learns of her husband’s death in a car accident, but wakes up the next day with him alive and well next to her.

Opens wide (official site).

“Tortilla Heaven”

First-time director Judy Hecht Dumontet presents this indie about a restaurant owner in small town New Mexico who discovers one of his famous hand-made tortillas bears the face of a certain Messiah. Jose Zuniga stars as the restaurant owner and television veterans George Lopez and Lupe Ontiveros deliver supporting roles.

Opens in limited release (official site).

“The Wind That Shakes the Barley”

Ken Loach finally struck gold at last year’s Cannes Film Festival, winning the Palme d’Or and besting eventual Oscar pictures “Babel” and “Pan’s Labyrinth.” Loach’s story about Republicans in early 20th century Ireland recently came under fire for being “anti-British,” though both Loach and star Cillian Murphy deny any ill sentiments towards England.

Opens in limited release (official site).

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…