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“Written, Directed By and Starring Sylvester Stallone.”

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Take the cannoli.Some gossip, rumors and silliness, as it’s Friday.

Sylvester Stallone‘s continuing and seemingly publicist-unfiltered fanboy Q&A session at Ain’t It Cool News is one of the more audacious (if vaguely desperate) publicity bids we’ve ever come across. We adore it. It’s like warming your hands over the flames of a car wreck. One item, in which he recounts an apparent long-running, mustard-fueled feud with Richard Gere ("He even thinks I’m the individual responsible for the gerbil rumor. Not true, but that’s the rumor") was picked up by MSNBC‘s gossip columnist Jeannette Walls, but it’s pretty much all gold. We’re rather fond of second-to-latest round, in which Sly dusts off an old biz rumor:

Hi Sly! I’m your true fan from Russia, and here is my questions:

Is it true, that at one point you should be director and a star in “The Godfather, Part III”? What was your part, and why it never happens?

Thanx, Dennis

Charlie Bluhdorn, who was the head honcho at Paramount and a really colorful character, approached me while I was working on STAYING ALIVE. He had actually had a huge poster made up, saying “THE GODFATHER III – Written, Directed By and Starring Sylvester Stallone.” I said, “Why don’t you just rent a blimp, fill it full of old pianos and drop them all squarely on my face – because that’s what the critics will do.” Coppola created masterpieces, and I was going to cover them in sludge? Not likely. So naturally I turned it down, but was extremely flattered. Coppola went on to do the third one, which had my favorite form of assassination – the ever-faithful, never to be doubted, man-size serving of poison cannolis.”

Via Richard Johnson at Page Six:

Bob Dylan wants to send "Factory Girl" to the glue factory – charging the upcoming Edie Sedgwick biopic falsely suggests he was responsible for the Andy Warhol ingenue’s suicide.

The famed folkie’s pit bull lawyers have fired off a letter to producers Bob Yari and Holly Wiersma, and screenwriter Aaron Richard Golub, demanding the flick not be released – or even screened – until they see it to determine if Dylan, who they say has "deep concerns," has been defamed.

But nary a complaint that he’s being played by Hayden Christensen? The Dylan character is called "Billy Quinn" and is supposed to be a composite of Dylan, Jim Morrison and Mick Jagger, but, as Dylan’s lawyer writes, "You appear to be laboring under the misunderstanding that merely changing the name of a character or making him a purported fictional composite will immunize you from suit. That is not so. Even though Mr. Dylan’s name is not used, the portrayal remains both defamatory and a violation of Mr. Dylan’s right of publicity…"

At the British Comedy Awards, Oliver Stone tried to make a joke about (urgh) the yet-to-be-caught Suffolk serial killer who’s already murdered five prostitutes (via the Press Association):

Taking the stage, he quipped: "It’s great to be back in England. I feel like Jack The Ripper days are back. Nothing ever changes here."

But his attempt at comedy was met with jeers and gasps of horror from the celebrity audience.

Realising his joke had bombed, Stone sneered: "You’re a lovely crowd."

Charming, charming. At WENN, Curtis Jackson explains his credits listing in "Home of the Brave" publicity material.

"I think when people hear 50 Cent they directly associate it with the music and the aggressive content in the music. I think they might be disappointed when they see my character and he doesn’t have the same aggressive edge that they’re familiar with from 50 Cent, the music. So I told them to use my real name but put 50 Cent in the middle."

As Nathan Lee noted in his Village Voice review of the film, Mr. Cent’s character does still manage to take a burger place hostage in a fit of PTSD-fueled rage. On the scale of glamorous violence, that does fall somewhat short compared to having one’s entourage tussle with The Game’s outside Hot 97.

And at the London Times, Silke Wichert takes a brief look at Patrick Süskind, the writer of "Perfume" and a notorious recluse who for a long time refused to sell films rights to the novel.

Why Süskind has finally relented after all these years for an adaptation of his most renowned book, is not clear. [Bernd] Eichinger, who has written the screenplay, says he kept asking and that in 2000 was told the “no” had finally turned into a “maybe”. Eichinger was then told exactly how much money it would cost for the rights. Before that, there were rumours that Süskind had hoped that Stanley Kubrick would shoot the film, but Kubrick tragically died in 1999.

When the film was finally announced, Süskind, as reclusive as ever, did make one thing clear — he was not willing to participate in the movie in any way.

+ Lucky Round #13 – Sly’s off to the Premiere in Philly, yet still answers your questions exclusively on AICN!!! (AICN)
+ Paris defends Britney’s ‘partying ethics’ (MSNBC)
+ Stone shocks people with Ripper joke (Press Association)
+ 50 Cent Uses Real Name for New Movie (WENN)
+ Sour smell of success (London Times)

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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