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The week’s critic wrangle: Dancing the Apocalypso.

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"He's fucked."
+ "Apocalypto": On the pro side — Scott Foundas at LA Weekly declares the film "a virtuosic piece of action cinema," and beyond that, "while there has been no shortage of recent films that decry the horrors of war and man’s inhumanity to his fellow man, I know of none other quite this sickeningly powerful." Armond White at the New York Press is rapturous, writing:

Apocalypto runs second to the year’s most extraordinary example of silent film art, Julián Hernández’s Broken Sky, where clueless critics complained about the lack of dialogue. Gibson transcends that cultural barrier by insisting on linguistic realism (Yucatec with English subtitles), and this rigor compliments the integrity of his vivid imagery (photographed by Dean Semler). Scenes of Jaguar Paw chased by a jaguar or lying between tall tree branches bring to mind John Boorman’s anthropological vistas in The Emerald Forest. But the way Gibson connects Jaguar Paw’s agony and release to a sense of the world and the amazement of natural phenomena resurrects ancient movie virtues.

[This is the second "Broken Sky" mention White drops in this issue alone — it’s at least the fourth one since he actually reviewed the film three months ago. Not that we’re counting.]

Lisa Schwarzbaum at Entertainment Weekly thinks that "the Mel Gibson part of the marquee is crucial to the full…appreciation of this astonishing, id-soaked work. And if astonishing, id-soaked’ ends up in the ads, then marketers have simplified my meaning." Still, she thinks it’s worthwhile viewing, even is "there’s so much dark material jammed into this complicated, conflicted, challenging, and charismatic man’s own noggin that sometimes he knows not, I think, what he’s done."

Not-so-pro: A.O. Scott at the New York Times, who praises Gibson’s technical skill and serious aspirations, while allowing that this "is not to say that ‘Apocalypto’ is a great film, or even that it can be taken quite as seriously as it wants to be." Andrew O’Hehir at Salon suggests the title should actually have been "APOCALYPTO!" — he writes that "Mel Gibson has serious issues with violence and masculinity, and if there’s really ‘Oscar buzz"’around this picture, then everyone in Hollywood really is an idiot. There are about 10 truly amazing minutes in ‘Apocalypto’… And that’s about it."

At Slate, Dana Stevens finds that "You don’t leave Apocalypto thinking of the decline of civilizations or the power of myth or anything much except, wow, that is one sick son of a bitch." Despite (or because of) this, she admits that "Apocalypto does have a weird and undeniable power." And over at the Village Voice, in a uncharacteristically sassy review, J. Hoberman cuts loose with his summary:

[T]his lavishly punishing picture is the third panel in Gibson’s "Ordeal" triptych. The Martyrdom of the Braveheart and The Passion of the Christ have nothing on The Misadventures of the Jaguar Paw, junior citizen of a generally jovial, practical-joke-loving 16th-century Central American social unit. Given the absence of any identification, and with regard to their good looks and family values (that is, keeping pet monkeys and having babies), these noble savages might be called the Sugar Tit tribe.

Needless to say, he’s not a fan.


"Would you let this man be your father?"
+ "Off the Black": James Ponsoldt‘s slight directorial debut stars Nick Nolte playing extra-disheveled, if that’s possible, and has gotten decent to "meh" reviews. Stephen Holden at the New York Times writes that

This modest film could easily have skidded into the mawkish marshland where countless mentor-protege, father-son dramas have suffocated. But for the most part it steers away from the worst clichés of that tear-drenched genre.

He also notes of Nolte (who seems to be the main reason for seeing the film) that in his recent wreck roles "you often have the sense of this wonderful actor casting a pitiless, smirking gaze into the mirror as he contemplates his own decaying magnificence."

Rob Nelson at the Village Voice
goes as far as to suggest that "Off the Black belongs on the shelf beside
recent peers Spring Forward and Old Joy; it’s not as deep or resonant
as those two, but despite extraneous supporting characters (i.e.,
women), it’s likewise concerned with lamenting, and dare we say
expanding the limitations of men’s communication skills."

Andrew O’Hehir at Salon finds that the film is "so restrained, and holds back so much on conventional plot and characterization, that its emotional impact is severely blunted. Nolte is excellent, I suppose, but we’ve seen this damaged-American-dude shtick from him before." And at indieWIRE, Nick Pinkerton adores Nolte but concludes that "Ponsoldt’s gentleness with his cast is promising, but there’s still a long way to go."


Becoming a good son.
+ "Family Law": This comedic drama from Argentine director Daniel Burman is also getting decent to "meh" reviews (well, where it is reviewed — tough time of year for the truly small indies). Ella Taylor at the Village Voice quite likes the film, writing that

Like his equally father-fixated, and equally wonderful, 2003 film Lost Embrace, Burman’s beguiling tribute to his Jewish father—or, for all I know, the one he wishes he had—is warm and deep enough to give humanism a good name.

Andrew O’Hehir at Salon labels that film "an alternately charming and frustrating comic entertainment," while Owen Gleiberman at Entertainment Weekly sighs that "Family Law is well acted, but if Antoine Doinel had been nearly this serene, Truffaut‘s career would have petered out after three films." Stephen Holden at the New York Times writes that "this likable, if undramatic film — the antithesis of Hollywood movies in which father-son Oedipal conflicts are resolved in embarrassing, teary-eyed clinches — makes a case for reticence." And Nick Pinkerton at indieWIRE amusingly semi-praises that "I don’t go to the movies looking for modest intentions any more than your average baseball fan goes to the stadium hoping to see some well laid-down bunts, but Daniel Burman’s ‘Family Law’ is cause for exception," a sentiment that seems particularly relevant this year.


Final Countdown

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at


Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.


Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.

Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…