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DID YOU READ

I Am Oscar’s Broken Heart

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Finally! We’ve managed to come up with an awards show that pleases no one. Nominally “The Indie Oscars,” what the 78th Annual Academy Awards should go down in history as are “The Glum Oscars.” Host Jon Stewart looked miserable spouting Bruce Vilanch-isms studded with the occasional toothless political reference meant to remind us of how edgy a choice he was. The tastefully appointed crowd (the sartorial theme of the night seemed to be the blonde in beige dress, a style choice that made Reese Witherspoon look lovely, Nicole Kidman like a vanilla popsicle, and Uma Thurman like she had a terminal disease) seemed bored; the winners, ever dry-eyed, sped through restrained speeches, thanking their moms and their agents, with not a flicker of spontaneity (or personality) to be found.

The only ones who genuinely excited to win an award were “Hustle & Flow” songwriters Jordan Houston, Cedric Coleman and Paul Beauregard, aka Three 6 Mafia, who accepted the Original Song Oscar with such glee that Jon Stewart kept coming back to them as the night went on &#151 possibly because he seemed stunned by their unquestionably energetic performance, only somewhat obscured by the dancers dressed as hookers prancing in the foreground (say what you will — it was still infinitely better than the burning car and interpretative racism dancers of doom peopling the set of Kathleen York’s performance of “In the Deep” from “Crash”). Or perhaps he just couldn’t get over the fact that they were the only ones who hadn’t gotten the memo about Serious and Relevant this iteration of the Academy Awards were, a point hammered in by the many self-celebratory montages: the biopic montage, the film noir montage (introduced by a very shaky Lauren Bacall), the films of social import montage (which kicked off with a tragic editing leap from “All the President’s Men” to “The Day After Tomorrow”), the “movies should be seen on the big screen” montage — all reeked of desperation, of trying to reinforce old dominance to an audience who wandered off to watch TiVoed episodes of “Grey’s Anatomy”

Best speech: Three 6 Mafia, along with George Clooney’s funny, leisurely acceptance for supporting actor — is it any wonder the camera kept cutting back to him for reaction shots later? Beyond being the only actor with a sheen of the old-school glamour this year’s awards so anxiously tried to recall, he was also one of the few who seemed comfortable expressing emotions without a publicist’s approval.

Flicker of life: The Stephen Colbert-narrated fake campaign ads were by far the funniest moments of the entire ceremony, not counting the “Crash” dancers. And all was forgiven for Jon Stewart when, after the “social import” montage, he intoned: “And none of those issues was ever a problem again.”

Ideas that fell flat: The “gay cowboy” montage and the Lily Tomlin-Meryl Streep Altmanesque intro both dragged on past their prime.

Self-congratulatory quotes of death: Reese Witherspoon’s June Carter Cash “I’m just trying to matter” and Paul Haggis’ “Art is not a mirror. Art is a hammer.” Shut up, Reese Witherspoon. Shut up, Paul Haggis.

Signs of the times: “Paradise Now” is announced as a film from the “Palestinian Territories” — not that it was going to win or anything anyway. And “Crash”‘s win for Best Picture wasn’t surprising as much as disappointing — but the cameras actually cut away before producer Cathy Schulman was done having her say. Not even the Best Picture winners merit a few more seconds of TV time in this extra-brisk era — harsh.

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Final Countdown

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…