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The week’s critic wrangle: Then again, maybe not…

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Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain and arty post-Communist allegories.January has yet to disappoint as one of the most disappointing months for film (or, rather, simply half-hearted, in a very post-blackout drunk coitus disinterested breakfast conversation fashion). There aren’t any particular releases worth focusing on this week, so we thought we’d continue to just meander through:

The New York TimesManohla Dargis and Salon‘s Stephanie Zacharek express variations on the same sentiment in their respective reviews of "Tristan & Isolde" and "Last Holiday," something along the lines of "When did every movie get saddled with the obligation to break new ground?" (Maybe, unfair an expectation as it is, around the time apparently imperishable DVDs popped up everywhere and we started wondering why anyone would go to the theater to see "National Treasure" instead of just ordering in a pizza and re-watching "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (but they did, bewilderingly, go see "National Treasure" anyway, something that makes us never want to have children we may eventually feel the need to sedate with two hours of loud noises and shiny things)). Dargis:

Critics often complain that Hollywood has nothing new to offer, but part of the appeal of the old studio system was the regularity of its offerings. One Fred and Ginger movie looks pretty much like another Fred and Ginger movie, only "Swing Time" is better than "Top Hat." We want movies to be different, but not radically so, which helps explain our enduring love for genre and stars. There is something reassuring in the knowledge that a film with Brad Pitt will at least give us the pleasure of his company (though of course you could end up falling asleep to "Meet Joe Black"). Just as there is something undeniably pleasant about an entertainment like "Tristan & Isolde" that delivers exactly what it promises, no less, no more.

Zacharek wouldn’t make the argument that she enjoyed Queen Latifah-vehicle (and Alec Guinness-vehicle remake) "Last Holiday" as much (and indeed, Dargis hated it), but she is charmed by what she sees at the film’s anachronistic spirit, and she addresses those who would complain about the contrivance of the very movie-ish plot point on which the film turns — the misdiagnosis that leads Latifah’s Georgia Byrd off onto her exuberant new lifestyle.

But Georgia can’t go on that dream vacation — she can’t eat the gourmet pork fat, and she can’t get the groovy guy — until after she gets that bad-news diagnosis. It’s a hurdle the movie has to leap to get to the good stuff, and we have to jump along with it. Maybe the greatest sin "Last Holiday" commits is demanding our innocence, and that’s the last thing we want to give up. There’s something in us that wants to make sense of that brain scan, so we can prove to ourselves that we can’t be taken in by folderol. But if we can’t move past logic, we miss all the eating, the talking, the laughing. We miss everything we supposedly came to the movies for.

Elsewhere, the New York PressMatt Zoller Seitz does some meandering of his own after reviewing "When the Sea Rises." Zoller Seitz (who we should probably be referring to as simply "Seitz," except, when you’re given anything resembling two last names, you really must make use of them) surveys the year end lists and suggests that, while "Brokeback Mountain" is a fine film, "it’s not the year’s best movie – not by a long shot – and to say so is, in some sense, to mistake social significance for art." He’s similarly reserved about "A History of Violence," and mildly points out that critics have always been prone to awarding socially significant films more praise than, when their immediacy has faded, they deserve.

Jonathan Rosenbaum at the Chicago Reader makes his review of "Match Point" (which he likes) into a compare/contrast with Woody Allen’s 1989 "Crimes and Misdemeanors" (which he doesn’t).

Both Dargis and the Village Voice‘s J. Hoberman have pieces saluting MoMA‘s rare screenings of Béla Tarr‘s famously 450-minute long "Sátántangóa."

And, in a farther off place, both Hollywood Elsewhere‘s Jeffrey Wells and The Hot Blog‘s David Poland swoon for the Wachowski brothers-scripted "V for Vendetta," not due out until March 17th. Wells:

"V" is one of the most politically audacious mainstream Hollywood films ever made because it really lays it on the line — there are dark echoes of 9.11 and 21st Century neocon power dreams and hard-right fanaticism all through it, and yes…the good guy does blow up a building or two.

And Poland, never one to be afraid of the grand gesture himself, proclaims in these mid-January days that "’V for Vendetta’ reaches past the purely visual and may well be the best film of 2006."

+ Young Lovers in a Cave Can’t Escape the World (NY Times)
+ "Last Holiday" (Salon)
+ Another Day, Another Genre (Chicago Reader)
+ Finding Beauty in the Miserable and the Mundane (NY Times)
+ Béla Tarr’s Marathon Masterpiece Casts a Devilish Spell (Village Voice)
+ Vendetta Days (Hollywood Elsewhere)

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.

Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.


Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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