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Sex and violence…hold the sex, please.

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"Head on a stick"? Ew.If 2005 was, as the Hollywood Reporter frames it, all days of gore and penguins, then it’s only appropriate that editor Jim Emerson dwells on what it takes, exactly, to make a critic walk out of a film. The occasion for Emerson is "Wolf Creek," which Roger Ebert managed to unhappily sit through:

There is a line and this movie crosses it. I don’t know where the line is, but it’s way north of "Wolf Creek." There is a role for violence in film, but what the hell is the purpose of this sadistic celebration of pain and cruelty? The theaters are crowded right now with wonderful, thrilling, funny, warm-hearted, dramatic, artistic, inspiring, entertaining movies. If anyone you know says this is the one they want to see, my advice is: Don’t know that person no more.

In fact, needless, extreme and nihilist violence in films has become one of Ebert’s pet peeves (the big softie) — it was only a few months ago that he gave the filmmakers of "Chaos" far more publicity than their rather inept film deserved by attempting to engage them in a rational dialogue after panning their film. Emerson was apparently once driven out of "Porky’s 3: Revenge" by its overwhelming misogyny, and had to turn off Haneke’s "Funny Games," though he later finished it. We’ve never walked out of any film ourselves (though we’ve been sorely tempted, most recently by "Daltry Calhoun" (it was the Southern fried voiceover that was killing us)), but we do find the fact that they’re using the amount of people who walked out of or suffered medical problems during screenings of Eli Roth‘s "Hostel" as a sell point ridiculous.

Speaking of Mr. Roth, Geoff Edgers attempts to sound the depths of the young director’s extremely undark soul in the Boston Globe:

”I was so fat at my bar mitzvah that the guy at the suit store in Newton said, ‘Mrs. Roth, your son’s not exactly a large, he’s what we call a husky.’ So I honestly will always think I’m fat no matter what my weight is. I was really skinny as a kid and then I got this weird virus in my hip when I was 12. I had to lay in bed for like a month and I just sat around eating fudge. It was great. But that’s when I porked out. I used to be body by Haagen Daaz.

And at the London Times, Kevin Maher interviews director Géla Babluani, whose much talked-about debut film "13 (Tzameti)" is about "13 men trapped in a basement who systematically blow each other’s heads off in a communal game of Russian roulette."

+ When a critic walks out (
+ Hollywood? If you put a gun to my head (London Times)
+ We’re afraid to ask (Boston Globe)

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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