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DID YOU READ

The week’s critic wrangle: “Where the Truth Lies,” the “Elizabethtown” massacre of mediocity.

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Alison Lohman and Kevin Bacon.+ "Where the Truth Lies":  Noted by at least two critics in their reviews of Atom Egoyan‘s latest (which, as you may recall. is being released unrated here in the US after being deemed too thrusty for an R): Vince Collins (Colin Firth) and Lanny Morris (Kevin Bacon) are stand-ins for Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis; Alison Lohman‘s none-so-great as the journalist looking into the former comedic duo’s past; the film has a running "Alice in Wonderland" motif; and, most importantly, Rupert Holmes, who wrote the novel on which the film is based, also wrote the 1979 single "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)," considered by some a worthy candidate for worst song ever written.

Otherwise, most everyone is unified in varying degrees of disappointment in "Where the Truth Lies," which opens today in New York and L.A. Manohla Dargis finds it a not-that-fun journey into the sordid side of celebrity that "almost works, at least in part," in shaking up the genre of the murder mystery, but that’s undone by it’s script. Ben Kenigsberg at the LA Weekly thinks it’s a conventional film buried under layers of narrative, while Matt Zoller Seitz is frustrated by the film’s being more self-aware than is bearable, even for Egoyan, declaring it a "fitfully brilliant but mostly frustrating drama populated by characters so self-analytical that they might as well be followed around by tiny, animated footnotes." J. Hoberman ascribes the problems to Egoyan’s going increasingly mainstream: "in this relatively big-budget production, the director’s main anxiety seems to be wrapping up the mystery and selling the project." And James Crawford, taking the lead over at the week’s indieWIRE triple review, gets the last word in: "Censor-baiting sex scenes aside, now that he’s indecently begging for a place at the studio table, I wish he’d stop making movies for a while."

 

Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom.+ "Elizabethtown": We feel like we were promised some rippingly bad reviews of Cameron Crowe‘s latest, a très "Garden State" making-a-trip-to- see-to-dead-parent-with-hip- soundtrack-and-inexplicable-love- interest bit starring Orlando Bloom as a failed shoe designer (!), but all we’ve found among our critics of choice are, once again, varying degrees of disappointment, tempered with some "it could have been much worse." Mostly, it’s just a mess, or, as A.O. Scott extended metaphors it, a burgoo: "a strange, messy stew of a movie, with some tasty garden gleanings, a few chunks of gristle and too many leftovers thrown in the pot for it to be entirely digestible." To sum up the general sentiments here: Bloom fades into the background, the family isn’t developed enough and is too weird, things is general are too weird (as Stephanie Zacharek puts it, "so much of ‘Elizabethtown’ just leaves you asking, Why?"), but that Kirsten Dunst is great (Laura Sinagra points out that "Like Woody Allen, Crowe repeatedly scripts the perfect girlfriend (without, thank god, injecting himself into the fantasy)," truly the stuff grad school theses could be written on).

Crowe loves his music, and the film closes with a fifteen-minutes trek set to a mix tape made for Bloom’s character by Dunst’s that seems have exhausted everyone’s tolerance for sincerity. David Edelstein: "You’d be forgiven for thinking, ‘Turn off the boombox, Lloyd: You’ve
got us already. Lloyd, turn it off. Lloyd, for God’s sake, this is
embarrassing. Lloyd!!!’" A.O. Scott: "There is something both desperate and lazy about Mr. Crowe’s assumption
that sublime sentiments can be conjured up with a click of the iPod."

Roger Ebert, who likes the new cut better than the 18-minute-longer version that was so poorly received at Toronto, slips in an interesting tidbit about the ending:

In the first cut of the film, there was a great deal more of the journey, followed by a pointless epilogue in which the Spasmodica shoe turns out to be a hit after all, because with every step you take, it whistles. (Since much of the journey and all of the epilogue have been cut from the movie, this is not a spoiler unless the ban on spoilers has been extended to include deleted scenes on the DVD.)

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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