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DID YOU READ

Odds: Friday – Shut up, M. Night Shyamalan.

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OMG, you mean the village exists in the present day?!There’s already been lots of discussion, much of it smart, about M. Night Shyamalan‘s statements at ShowEast against collapsing windows and the releasing of films simultaneously on DVD and in theaters, about the need to preserve the grand theatrical experience, the great collective hallucination of a film on the glorious large screen. You won’t hear it from us, though — we’re just going to be petty.

Shyamalan trotted out to the exhibitor’s convention to give a speech asking for "zero tolerance" on studios trying for day-and-date releasing, something most of the large chains represented there have already committed to.

First, Shyamalan said, "Story is king. Storytelling is an ancient
art form that has always been told to a group, and the reason is that
we need to see the story through each others’ point of view, like
sitting next to someone whose sense of humor is different than yours.
That’s the way we grow. We can’t disregard the effect we have on each
other when we see a movie. I make them for a room full of 500
strangers, not a singular individual who only has a life experience
like mine. That would be asinine."

Second, he proposed an economic motivation. "I’m out to prove that
not only is it the morally right thing to do, but it’s the financially
right thing to do," he said. "Even if you didn’t go see a film, and I
went and told you about it, you now benefit from my group experience.
Films have to exist in the world in their ideal form before you can
exploit them … (so) if chewing gum with a movie’s logo makes more
money than the movie, don’t get seduced by the chewing gum."

Oh, for fuckssake. Those "the Alfred Hitchcock of our time" comments have surely gone to someone’s head for that someone to wax so eloquent about the art of storytelling when that someone’s every film to date has rested entirely on some cheap-ass final plot twist. If you’re so concerned about the value of this "ancient
art form" then perhaps you could make films with more to them than the equivalent of a narrative jab to the ribs for a finale, Mr. Shyamalan. We clearly love collective moviegoing as much as anyone has, but Shyamalan’s comments, which also cover piracy concerns and various other ostentatious declarations ("Acknowledging that he had benefited from DVDs, he added, ‘‘The Sixth
Sense’
DVD bought my house. You know what? Take my house,’ a remark
that drew a big cheer from the crowd.") make us a little nauseated. Mostly because we feel that he’s full of self-important shit. But also because the day-and-date release format being championed by 2929 Entertainment and (our employer, so there goes our credibility) Rainbow Media is currently the providence of indie films that would never see the inside of a theater in much of the US — day-and-date is a means of better promoting small films, because the theatrical run serves as further promotion for the DVD/VOD, and marketing can be unified behind the simultaneous release rather than having a limited marketing budget spread over the two dates. We suppose in the end we’re sputtering for nothing as much as Shyamalan is — those theater chains wouldn’t carry indie films anyway.

So, over at the Independent, Nicola Christie talks to Steven Soderbergh about his extremely anti-Shyamalan present:

Soderbergh plans eventually to cut the studios out altogether. This, he says, is what digital technology can unleash. "You’ll see named film-makers self-distributing their own films. That’s where this is going to go. If I can go to the bank and get money to make the movie, and in two to four years’ time the digital changeover has happened in the US and all the theatres are digitally projecting, I’ll just go right to the theatres and make a deal with them. I’m certainly going to pursue that."

Eugene Hernandez at indieWIRE‘s got the list of the 58 countries/films up for the  foreign language film Academy Award.

+ Shyamalan: Day-and-date ‘life or death to me’ (HR)
+ Steven Soderbergh: The director’s cut (Independent)
+ Films From 58 Countries Vying For Oscar Nod (indieWIRE)

IFC_Portlandia-S8_best-of-skits_subaru-blog

Final Countdown

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…