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The week’s critic wran…oh, whatever.

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We're in need of an alternate writing location ourselves.Sorry, beloveds, but they’re actually doing construction on the ceiling tiles above our head. We fear for our safety. So, for safety’s sake only, you understand, we’re going to cut out early for the long weekend. We’ll be back Tuesday.

Before we go: how irritating is this bit from Roger Ebert‘s review of "2046"?

Why Nat King Cole’s version of "The Christmas Song" is heard two or three times is unclear; his songs were also heard in "In the Mood for Love."

Because it’s often Christmas in the film? Because it’s not so incomprehensible that Nat King Cole’s extremely popular recording would also be popular in cosmopolitan 60s Hong Kong? Or maybe Wong Kar Wai just liked it for his soundtrack? We love the film, but we’ll accept that there are plenty of fair criticisms one could make of it. The "it doesn’t make sense" angle that Ebert presents and Andrew O’Hehir also touched on in his earlier review just doesn’t do it for us. "2046" makes no motions towards adding up to some grand thematic whole (though for us, it did manage a grand emotional one), and when did it become such a great thing for a film to do so? We saw "An Unfinished Life" this week, a well-meaning film centered around one of the most awkwardly obvious metaphors we’ve seen on celluloid since that boulder crashed into Ray Winstone‘s pool in "Sexy Beast" (that, at least, was ironic).

We don’t have much patience with artiness for it’s own sake (well, unless it’s really cool-looking), but "2046" is hardly extremely oblique. We know you like your 60s Antonioni, Roger — are current films not allowed the same indulgence?

Anyway, "The Constant Gardener," best thing since sliced milk, etc., etc. Enjoy the weekend, folks.

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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