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I want to live forever/I want to learn how to fly.

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Three normally respectable types get pulled into the hypnotic celebrity whirlpool that is the Katie Loves Tommy/Russell Crowe Gets Arrested/Brangelina show and the current lack of border between public lives, private lives, and on-screen lives:

Caryn James at the New York Times takes the high road, turning a cynical eye to Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie‘s apparent non-affair and their coyness about it with the press right up until their movie opened to $50+ million over the weekend. James snipes at both the iron curtain of publicists surrounding celebs these days and the heartless (awesome) and unaccountable gossip sites and brutal, stalkerish weeklies. The end result being that "the average viewer is increasingly savvy and cynical about the publicity machine itself."

Anne Thompson of the Hollywood Reporter takes an industry view, focusing on Tom Cruise and the sad things that happen when you fire your legendary, frightening battle-axe of a publicist for your sister, who lets you leap on Oprah’s couch and go on and on and on about Scientology.

And Patrick Goldstein at the LA Times just sounds punch drunk (telephone-concussed?) from the whole parade, claiming that "Somewhere at the intersection between aberrant star behavior and insatiable audience voyeurism, we’ve created a new entertainment form: celebrity reality TV."

To which we can only say: "Don’t look at it. Shut your eyes, Marion, and don’t look at it, no matter what happens."

+ Staging Celebrity in Buzztown, U.S.A. (NY Times)
+ Cruise versus Pitt: Tale of 2 publicists (HR)
+ Lovesick Cruise et al. is bad reality TV (LA Times)

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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