The London Times has an (urg) rather scathing piece on Tribeca and the rampant, soulless materialism by Denis Seguin. Yes, it is strange to see an attempt at a meaningful film on 9/11 being screened at the Prada store in SoHo, but, despite all the best interests the festival was founded under, it’s not going to have the gravitas of the big three European festivals for at least another twenty-five years. And lord knows, it will never be like Sundance, for which we should be thankful. We dunno where we’re going with this, other than…what do you expect with a glossy festival sponsored by a credit card company and smack in the middle of some of the most obscenely expensive commercial and residential real estate in an already ridiculous city?

As if to reinforce that most of the major festivals are ridiculous (we’re feeling curmugeonly today), the Times then has Neil Fisher on how to do Cannes without an official press accredidation:

Get chatting in a smoky, poky bar (the Petit Majestic is the current locale of choice), invent a plausible life story and show some interest in some of the more off-beat features, and you’ll most likely end up being press-ganged into a screening the next day. It might not be Lars von Trier’s latest three-hour epic, but it will get you further into the right crowd.

But don’t worry, he assures us, "Even if the schmoozing leads to nothing but enormous bills at the Cannes bars, there are still some more orthodox ways of getting to see the films."

Meanwhile, Variety wonders why Europe doesn’t have a star system like the US, and by that they mean that while there are many respected, big name European actors, it’s the Americans that have all the photogs clawing each others eyes out to shoot on the red carpet.

And both Variety and the Observer offer an array of Cannes war stories — Variety from four international buyers, and in a separate piece, from various directors, and the Observer from seven Brits, some directors, some executives, and one Emily Mortimer.

+ Buy buy baby, baby buy buy (Times)
+ Cannes for dummies: how to bluff your way on to the A-list (Times)
+ U.S. stars still rule red carpet (Variety)
+ Sales survivors (Variety)
+ War stories from Cannes (Variety)
+ Screen test (Observer)