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Cannes you try a little harder?

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051205_morrisonDespite "Cannes" lending itself so well to painful headline puns, it, along with all festivals, is frustratingly difficult to cover. Other than reporting on who’s bought which film, the average festival dispatch, by its very nature, has to consist of hasty reviews of films that generally won’t be in theaters for at least half a year, alongside zeitgeist reports of which films are generating the ever-longed-for buzz. Cannes has the added obstacle of state of alert-style color coded levels of press pass importance (which A.O. Scott amusingly details in the New York Times), leading to reporters reporting on how they couldn’t get into the screening they were supposed to write about.

Fortunately, Cannes also has the highest percentage of famous people of any festival in the world, and famous people, as we all known, are great to read about, particularly when they make broad statements to the press and fight with each other.

The great Charlotte Rampling gets the first pull-quote sally in the Guardian with her opening-night comments on Hollywood’s treatment of older women: "The system is not as barbaric in Europe as it is in America. If a woman is prepared to age it can be quite beautiful, and having wrinkles is not a reason to be put away. In Europe they understand that, thank god." In the same article, some oblique quotes from Palme d’Or jury chair Emir Kusturica, rather famously eccentric, who asserts that this year’s jury process will not be democratic — rather, they would "concentrate only on aesthetics."

The Globe and Mail has fabulously snide coverage of the opening night press conference, during which  moderator Henri Béhar went so overboard introducing each jury member that there was hardly time left for questions. Which brings us to this:

Béhar waxed particularly effusive about juror Toni Morrison,
saying he didn’t know whether to bow down before her or stand at
attention several paces behind, and he was turning his body into a
pretzel trying to decide. Perhaps the adulation went to the author’s
head, or more likely she was trying a joke that didn’t quite translate
to the French press, who looked mildly puzzled as she spoke. When asked
about her qualifications to judge film, she gave this unfortunate
response: "I know that my judgment is infallible. I am not part of this
industry, so I bring my infallibility and my enthusiasm."

This is by far the best justification for one’s lack of credentials we’ve ever come across, and, as we’re constantly short on any qualifications, we’re planning on citing our innate infallibility from now on whenever anyone questions us. Thank you, Toni.

+ And to Badge Central (NY Times)
+ Rampling ramps up an age-old debate (Guardian)
+ Cannes Comedy of Errors (Globe and Mail)

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The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

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