Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy

Strange Brew

10 Fictional Beverages You Probably Want to Avoid  

Catch the return of Todd Margaret Thursday January 7th at 10P on IFC.

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Touchstone Pictures and Spyglass Ente/Ronald Grant/Everett

A drink can be an escape from the realities of the world. But there are some tasty beverages from pop culture that may give you more than a wicked hangover. To celebrate the return of Todd Margaret and its extreme beverage Thunder Muscle, we’ve found ten tipples you’ll want to avoid that bring escapism to awful new extremes.

1. Elsinore Beer, Strange Brew

Elsinore Beer

MGM

The refreshing lager in Strange Brew is an evil-mind control chemical concocted by Max Von Sydow in an scheme to dominate the world. The beer renders the drinker docile and compliant, but certain sounds will trigger a violent reaction.


2. Romulan Ale, Star Trek franchise

Paramount

Paramount

Romulan Ale is the bright blue drink so aggressive even the Federation banned it, and they fit their ships with machines which can replicate any drink in existence. It even gave Captain Kirk a hangover, and he’s been exposed to more alien fluids than the Federation Xenobiological Research Institute.


3. Thunder Muscle, Todd Margaret

Thunder Muscle is the mysterious Korean energy drink at the heart of Todd Margaret. The ingredients are unknown, the effects are untested, but like anything touched by Todd, it’s bound to escalate into an embarrassing avalanche of catastrophe.


4. Life Cry, Black Books

Channel 4

Channel 4

The British series Black Books is a brilliant comedy of wasted lives and bad decisions. And both are contained in every bottle of Life Cry. Fran brings a bottle to her friend’s hen party, assuring them all that “You know you’re going to have a good time when there’s a bleeding polar bear on the label.


5. Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Probably the most famous fictional drink ever imagined comes from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. If you want to find the meaning of life, it’s 42, but if you want to forget about life the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster will solve all your problems in one.


6. Black Frost, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Black Frost

The angry bartender at Jack’s, the bar frequented by the Buffy gang, spikes the Black Frost beer with a magical potion which reverts the drinker to a primitive Neanderthal state. Which may indicate the bartender doesn’t know what beer is actually for.


7. Mudder’s Milk, Firefly

Firefly Mudders Milk

The crew of the Firefly have endured a lot in their quest, and one of the most disgusting sounding is Mudder’s Milk: “all the protein, vitamins and carbs of your grandma’s best turkey dinner, plus 15 percent alcohol.” It’s described as being great for the “Mudder” slaves, feeding them up while keeping them too bleary to rebel.


8. Schraderbrau, Breaking Bad

AMC

AMC

This Breaking Bad beer was homebrewed to “silky perfection” by Walter White’s brother-in-law Hank. But drinking it would mean being even remotely connected in the White family, and that has never ended well for anybody, in any way, ever.


9. Vitameatavegamin, I Love Lucy

Vitaminvegamin

In a classic episode, Lucy starred in a TV commercial for the fictional drink with a healthy 23% alcohol, which sounds fun, but also “vitamins, meat, vegetables, and minerals”, which sounds appalling. Still, it probably tastes better than the kale smoothie we had this morning.


10. Bor’Kaan, Babylon 5

Babylon 5

Babylon 5‘s Bor’Kaan is an alien drink so strong humans can only drink it after taking an alcohol blocker. When Commander Ivanova impresses the same species, they create a human-safe version by “diluting” the drink with Russian vodka.

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Hard Out

Comedy From The Closet

Janice and Jeffrey Available Now On IFC's Comedy Crib

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She’s been referred to as “the love child of Amy Sedaris and Tracy Ullman,” and he’s a self-described “Italian who knows how to cook a great spaghetti alla carbonara.” They’re Mollie Merkel and Matteo Lane, prolific indie comedians who blended their robust creative juices to bring us the new Comedy Crib series Janice and Jeffrey. Mollie and Matteo took time to answer our probing questions about their series and themselves. Here’s a taste.

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IFC: How would you describe Janice and Jeffrey to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Mollie & Matteo: Janice and Jeffrey is about a married couple experiencing intimacy issues but who don’t have a clue it’s because they are gay. Their oblivion makes them even more endearing.  Their total lack of awareness provides for a buffet of comedy.

IFC: What’s your origin story? How did you two people meet and how long have you been working together?

Mollie: We met at a dive bar in Wrigley Field Chicago. It was a show called Entertaining Julie… It was a cool variety scene with lots of talented people. I was doing Janice one night and Matteo was doing an impression of Liza Minnelli. We sort of just fell in love with each other’s… ACT! Matteo made the first move and told me how much he loved Janice and I drove home feeling like I just met someone really special.

IFC: How would Janice describe Jeffrey?

Mollie: “He can paint, cook homemade Bolognese, and sing Opera. Not to mention he has a great body. He makes me feel empowered and free. He doesn’t suffocate me with attention so our love has room to breath.”

IFC: How would Jeffrey describe Janice?

Matteo: “Like a Ford. Built to last.”

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Mollie & Matteo: Our current political world is mirroring and reflecting this belief that homosexuality is wrong. So what better time for satire. Everyone is so pro gay and equal rights, which is of course what we want, too. But no one is looking at middle America and people actually in the closet. No one is saying, hey this is really painful and tragic, and sitting with that. Having compassion but providing the desperate relief of laughter…This seemed like the healthiest, best way to “fight” the gay rights “fight”.

IFC: Hummus is hilarious. Why is it so funny?

Mollie: It just seems like something people take really seriously, which is funny to me. I started to see it in a lot of lesbians’ refrigerators at a time. It’s like observing a lesbian in a comfortable shoe. It’s a language we speak. Pass the Hummus. Turn on the Indigo Girls would ya?

See the whole season of Janice and Jeffrey right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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Die Hard Dads

Inspiration For Die Hard Dads

Die Hard is on IFC all Father's Day Long

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIPHY

Yippee ki-yay, everybody! It’s time to celebrate the those most literal of mother-effers: dads!

And just in case the title of this post left anything to the imagination, IFC is giving dads balls-to-the-wall ’80s treatment with a glorious marathon of action trailblazer Die Hard.

There are so many things we could say about Die Hard. We could talk about how it was comedian Bruce Willis’s first foray into action flicks, or Alan Rickman’s big screen debut. But dads don’t give a sh!t about that stuff.

No, dads just want to fantasize that they could be deathproof quip factory John McClane in their own mundane lives. So while you celebrate the fathers in your life, consider how John McClane would respond to these traditional “dad” moments…

Wedding Toasts

Dads always struggle to find the right words of welcome to extend to new family. John McClane, on the other hand, is the master of inclusivity.
Die Hard wedding

Using Public Restrooms

While nine out of ten dads would rather die than use a disgusting public bathroom, McClane isn’t bothered one bit. So long as he can fit a bloody foot in the sink, he’s G2G.
Die Hard restroom

Awkward Dancing

Because every dad needs a signature move.
Die Hard dance

Writing Thank You Notes

It can be hard for dads to express gratitude. Not only can McClane articulate his thanks, he makes it feel personal.
Die Hard thank you

Valentine’s Day

How would John McClane say “I heart you” in a way that ain’t cliche? The image speaks for itself.
Die Hard valentines

Shopping

The only thing most dads hate more than shopping is fielding eleventh-hour phone calls with additional items for the list. But does McClane throw a typical man-tantrum? Nope. He finds the words to express his feelings like a goddam adult.
Die Hard thank you

Last Minute Errands

John McClane knows when a fight isn’t worth fighting.
Die Hard errands

Sneaking Out Of The Office Early

What is this, high school? Make a real exit, dads.
Die Hard office

Think you or your dad could stand to be more like Bruce? Role model fodder abounds in the Die Hard marathon all Father’s Day long on IFC.

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Founding Farters

Know Your Nerd History

Revenge of the Nerds is on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs via Giphy

That we live in the heyday of nerds is no hot secret. Scientists are celebrities, musicians are robots and late night hosts can recite every word of the Silmarillion. It’s too easy to think that it’s always been this way. But the truth is we owe much to our nerd forebearers who toiled through the jock-filled ’80s so that we might take over the world.

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Our humble beginnings are perhaps best captured in iconic ’80s romp Revenge of the Nerds. Like the founding fathers of our Country, the titular nerds rose above their circumstances to culturally pave the way for every Colbert and deGrasse Tyson that we know and love today.

To make sure you’re in the know about our very important cultural roots, here’s a quick download of the vengeful nerds without whom our shameful stereotypes might never have evolved.

Lewis Skolnick

The George Washington of nerds whose unflappable optimism – even in the face of humiliating self-awareness – basically gave birth to the Geek Pride movement.

Gilbert Lowe

OK, this guy is wet blanket, but an important wet blanket. Think Aaron Burr to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton. His glass-mostly-empty attitude is a galvanizing force for Lewis. Who knows if Lewis could have kept up his optimism without Lowe’s Debbie-Downer outlook?

Arnold Poindexter

A music nerd who, after a soft start (inside joke, you’ll get it later), came out of his shell and let his passion lead instead of his anxiety. If you played an instrument (specifically, electric violin), and you were a nerd, this was your patron saint.

Booger

A sex-loving, blunt-smoking, nose-picking guitar hero. If you don’t think he sounds like a classic nerd, you’re absolutely right. And that’s the whole point. Along with Lamar, he simultaneously expanded the definition of nerd and gave pre-existing nerds a twisted sort of cred by association.

Lamar Latrell

Black, gay, and a crazy good breakdancer. In other words, a total groundbreaker. He proved to the world that nerds don’t have a single mold, but are simply outcasts waiting for their moment.

Ogre

Exceedingly stupid, this dumbass was monumental because he (in a sequel) leaves the jocks to become a nerd. Totally unheard of back then. Now all jocks are basically nerds.

Well, there they are. Never forget that we stand on their shoulders.

Revenge of the Nerds is on IFC all month long.

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