Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy

Strange Brew

10 Fictional Beverages You Probably Want to Avoid  

Catch the return of Todd Margaret Thursday January 7th at 10P on IFC.

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Touchstone Pictures and Spyglass Ente/Ronald Grant/Everett

A drink can be an escape from the realities of the world. But there are some tasty beverages from pop culture that may give you more than a wicked hangover. To celebrate the return of Todd Margaret and its extreme beverage Thunder Muscle, we’ve found ten tipples you’ll want to avoid that bring escapism to awful new extremes.

1. Elsinore Beer, Strange Brew

Elsinore Beer

MGM

The refreshing lager in Strange Brew is an evil-mind control chemical concocted by Max Von Sydow in an scheme to dominate the world. The beer renders the drinker docile and compliant, but certain sounds will trigger a violent reaction.


2. Romulan Ale, Star Trek franchise

Paramount

Paramount

Romulan Ale is the bright blue drink so aggressive even the Federation banned it, and they fit their ships with machines which can replicate any drink in existence. It even gave Captain Kirk a hangover, and he’s been exposed to more alien fluids than the Federation Xenobiological Research Institute.


3. Thunder Muscle, Todd Margaret

Thunder Muscle is the mysterious Korean energy drink at the heart of Todd Margaret. The ingredients are unknown, the effects are untested, but like anything touched by Todd, it’s bound to escalate into an embarrassing avalanche of catastrophe.


4. Life Cry, Black Books

Channel 4

Channel 4

The British series Black Books is a brilliant comedy of wasted lives and bad decisions. And both are contained in every bottle of Life Cry. Fran brings a bottle to her friend’s hen party, assuring them all that “You know you’re going to have a good time when there’s a bleeding polar bear on the label.


5. Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Probably the most famous fictional drink ever imagined comes from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. If you want to find the meaning of life, it’s 42, but if you want to forget about life the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster will solve all your problems in one.


6. Black Frost, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Black Frost

The angry bartender at Jack’s, the bar frequented by the Buffy gang, spikes the Black Frost beer with a magical potion which reverts the drinker to a primitive Neanderthal state. Which may indicate the bartender doesn’t know what beer is actually for.


7. Mudder’s Milk, Firefly

Firefly Mudders Milk

The crew of the Firefly have endured a lot in their quest, and one of the most disgusting sounding is Mudder’s Milk: “all the protein, vitamins and carbs of your grandma’s best turkey dinner, plus 15 percent alcohol.” It’s described as being great for the “Mudder” slaves, feeding them up while keeping them too bleary to rebel.


8. Schraderbrau, Breaking Bad

AMC

AMC

This Breaking Bad beer was homebrewed to “silky perfection” by Walter White’s brother-in-law Hank. But drinking it would mean being even remotely connected in the White family, and that has never ended well for anybody, in any way, ever.


9. Vitameatavegamin, I Love Lucy

Vitaminvegamin

In a classic episode, Lucy starred in a TV commercial for the fictional drink with a healthy 23% alcohol, which sounds fun, but also “vitamins, meat, vegetables, and minerals”, which sounds appalling. Still, it probably tastes better than the kale smoothie we had this morning.


10. Bor’Kaan, Babylon 5

Babylon 5

Babylon 5‘s Bor’Kaan is an alien drink so strong humans can only drink it after taking an alcohol blocker. When Commander Ivanova impresses the same species, they create a human-safe version by “diluting” the drink with Russian vodka.

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Forget Oscar

Find Your Spirit Animal

The Spirit Awards are LIVE this Saturday at 2p PT/5p ET.

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In just a few precious days, the greatest, most epic, most star-studded awards ceremony of the year comes to IFC.

And please, we’re definitely not talking about the Oscars. We’re talking about the Spirit Awards. Hosted by iconic comedy duo Nick Kroll and John Mulaney, it’s a relatively under-the-radar awards show with serious cred. And if the past is any indicator, we’re in for a wild night.

If you feel like doing your homework, you can find a full list of nominees and performance excerpts here. It reads like a who’s who of everyone that matters – those larger-than-life personalities with status that borders on mythological. Our celebrity spirit animals, if you will.

This isn’t hyperbole. Literally everyone who takes the stage at the awards show is spirit animal material. Let’s see if we can help you find yours…

Do you

Live in someone else’s shadow despite shining like the sun? Do you inexplicably vandalize your pretty-boy good looks with a sloppy-joe man bun and a repellent pubic-hair beard? Do you think sounding stoned and sounding thoughtful are kinda the same thing?

Congratulations, your spirit animal is Casey Affleck.

He’s the self-canonized patron saint of anyone who’s got the goods but doesn’t give a damn.

Do you

Have mid-length hair and exude a certain feminine masculinity that is universally appealing? Are you drawn to situations that promise little to nothing in the way of grooming or hygiene as a transparently self-conscious attempt to conceal your radiant inner glow? Does that fail miserably?

Way to go, your spirit animal is Viggo Mortensen.

He’s the yoga teacher of actors, in that what should make him super nasty only increases his curb appeal.

Do you

Get zero recognition for work that everyone knows is unrivaled? Do you inspire greatness in others yet get shortchanged when it comes to your own acclaim? Are you a goddam B-52 bomber in an industry of biplanes?

Bingo, your spirit animal is Annette Bening.

What does it take for this artist to win an Oscar? Honestly now, if her performance in 20th Century Women doesn’t earn her every award on the planet, consider it proof that the Universe truly is a cold dark void absent of reason or compassion.

Do you

Walk into a room full of strangers and walk out with a room full of friends? Have you been hiding under the radar just waiting for the right moment to leap out into the spotlight and stay there FOREVER? Do you possess the almost messianic ability to elevate Shia LaBeouf’s on-screen charisma?

You guessed it (or not), your spirit animal is 100% Sasha Lane.

If you haven’t seen American Honey, then you haven’t heard of her. She came out of the blue with a performance both subtle and powerful, and now she’s going to be in all the movies from this moment on. Or she should be, at any rate.

Don’t see your spirit animal there? Worry not. There are many more nominees to choose from, and you can see them all (yes, including Shia LaBeouf) during the Independent Spirit Awards, this Saturday at 2pm PT/5pm ET only on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia Keeps Road Rage In Park

Get a lesson in parking etiquette on a new Portlandia.

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It’s the most American form of cause and effect: Park like a monster, receive a passive-aggressive note.

car notes note

This unofficial rule of the road is critical to keeping the great big wheel of car-related Karma in balance. And naturally, Portlandia’s Kath and Dave have elevated it to an awkward, awkward art form in Car Notes, the Portlandia web series presented by Subaru.

If you’ve somehow missed the memo about Car Notes until now, you can catch up on every installment online, on the IFC app, and on demand. You can even have a little taste right here:

If your interest is piqued – great news for you! A special Car Notes sketch makes an appearance in the latest episode of Portlandia, and you can catch up on it now right here.

Watch all-new Portlandia Thursdays at 10P on IFC.

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Naked and Hungry

Two New Ways to Threeway

IFC's Comedy Crib gets sensual in time for Valentine's Day.

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This week, two scandalous new digital series debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib.
Ménage à Trois invites people to participate in a real-life couple’s fantasy boudoir. And The Filling is Mutual follows two saucy chefs who invite comedians to make food inspired by their routines. Each show crosses some major boundaries in sexy and/or delicious ways, and each are impossible to describe in detail without arousing some awkward physical cravings. Which is why it’s best to hear it directly from the minds behind the madness…

Ménage à Trois

According to Diana Kolsky and Murf Meyer, the two extremely versatile constants in the ever-shifting à trois, “MàT is a sensually psychedelic late night variety show exploring matters of hearts, parts and every goddamn thing in between…PS, any nudes will be 100% tasteful.”

This sexy brainchild includes sketches, music, and props that would put Pee-wee’s Playhouse to shame. But how could this fantastical new twist on the vanilla-sex variety show format have come to be?

“We met in a UCB improv class taught by Chris Gethard. It was clear that we both humped to the beat of our own drum; our souls and tongues intermingled at the bar after class, so we dove in head first.”

Sign me up, but promise to go slow. This tricycle is going to need training wheels.

The Filling is Mutual

Comedians Jen Saunderson and Jenny Zigrino became best friends after meeting in the restroom at the Gotham Comedy Club, which explains their super-comfortable dynamic when cooking with their favorite comedians. “We talk about comedy, sex, menses, the obnoxiousness of Christina Aguilera all while eating food that most would push off their New Year’s resolution.”

The hook of cooking food based off of comedy routines is so perfect and so personal. It made us wonder about what dishes Jen & Jenny would pair with some big name comedy staples, like…

Bill Murray?
“Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to… Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to avoid doing any kind of silly Groundhog Day reference.” 

Bridget Everett?
“Cream Balls… Sea Salt encrusted Chocolate Ganache Covered Ice Cream Ball that melt cream when you bite into them.” 

Nick Kroll & John Mulaney? 
“I’d make George and Gil black and white cookies from scratch and just as we open the oven to put the cookie in we’d prank ’em with an obnoxious amount of tuna!!!”

Carrie Brownstein & Fred Armisen? 
“Definitely a raw cacao “safe word” brownie. Cacao!”

Just perfect.

See both new series in their entirety on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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