Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy

Strange Brew

10 Fictional Beverages You Probably Want to Avoid  

Catch the return of Todd Margaret Thursday January 7th at 10P on IFC.

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Touchstone Pictures and Spyglass Ente/Ronald Grant/Everett

A drink can be an escape from the realities of the world. But there are some tasty beverages from pop culture that may give you more than a wicked hangover. To celebrate the return of Todd Margaret and its extreme beverage Thunder Muscle, we’ve found ten tipples you’ll want to avoid that bring escapism to awful new extremes.

1. Elsinore Beer, Strange Brew

Elsinore Beer

MGM

The refreshing lager in Strange Brew is an evil-mind control chemical concocted by Max Von Sydow in an scheme to dominate the world. The beer renders the drinker docile and compliant, but certain sounds will trigger a violent reaction.


2. Romulan Ale, Star Trek franchise

Paramount

Paramount

Romulan Ale is the bright blue drink so aggressive even the Federation banned it, and they fit their ships with machines which can replicate any drink in existence. It even gave Captain Kirk a hangover, and he’s been exposed to more alien fluids than the Federation Xenobiological Research Institute.


3. Thunder Muscle, Todd Margaret

Thunder Muscle is the mysterious Korean energy drink at the heart of Todd Margaret. The ingredients are unknown, the effects are untested, but like anything touched by Todd, it’s bound to escalate into an embarrassing avalanche of catastrophe.


4. Life Cry, Black Books

Channel 4

Channel 4

The British series Black Books is a brilliant comedy of wasted lives and bad decisions. And both are contained in every bottle of Life Cry. Fran brings a bottle to her friend’s hen party, assuring them all that “You know you’re going to have a good time when there’s a bleeding polar bear on the label.


5. Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Probably the most famous fictional drink ever imagined comes from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. If you want to find the meaning of life, it’s 42, but if you want to forget about life the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster will solve all your problems in one.


6. Black Frost, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Black Frost

The angry bartender at Jack’s, the bar frequented by the Buffy gang, spikes the Black Frost beer with a magical potion which reverts the drinker to a primitive Neanderthal state. Which may indicate the bartender doesn’t know what beer is actually for.


7. Mudder’s Milk, Firefly

Firefly Mudders Milk

The crew of the Firefly have endured a lot in their quest, and one of the most disgusting sounding is Mudder’s Milk: “all the protein, vitamins and carbs of your grandma’s best turkey dinner, plus 15 percent alcohol.” It’s described as being great for the “Mudder” slaves, feeding them up while keeping them too bleary to rebel.


8. Schraderbrau, Breaking Bad

AMC

AMC

This Breaking Bad beer was homebrewed to “silky perfection” by Walter White’s brother-in-law Hank. But drinking it would mean being even remotely connected in the White family, and that has never ended well for anybody, in any way, ever.


9. Vitameatavegamin, I Love Lucy

Vitaminvegamin

In a classic episode, Lucy starred in a TV commercial for the fictional drink with a healthy 23% alcohol, which sounds fun, but also “vitamins, meat, vegetables, and minerals”, which sounds appalling. Still, it probably tastes better than the kale smoothie we had this morning.


10. Bor’Kaan, Babylon 5

Babylon 5

Babylon 5‘s Bor’Kaan is an alien drink so strong humans can only drink it after taking an alcohol blocker. When Commander Ivanova impresses the same species, they create a human-safe version by “diluting” the drink with Russian vodka.

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New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

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Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

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IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. 

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number! 

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time. 

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by. 

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IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo. 

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim. 

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t? 

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?” 

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud. 

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

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Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

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Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

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And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.

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Get Physical

DVDs are the new Vinyl

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available On Disc.

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In this crazy digital age, sometimes all we really want is to reach out and touch something. Maybe that’s why so many of us are still gung-ho about owning stuff on DVD. It’s tangible. It’s real. It’s tech from a bygone era that still feels relevant, yet also kitschy and retro. It’s basically vinyl for people born after 1990.

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Inevitably we all have that friend whose love of the disc is so absolutely repellent that he makes the technology less appealing. “The resolution, man. The colors. You can’t get latitude like that on a download.” Go to hell, Tim.

Yes, Tim sucks, and you don’t want to be like Tim, but maybe he’s onto something and DVD is still the future. Here are some benefits that go beyond touch.

It’s Decor and Decorum

With DVDs and a handsome bookshelf you can show off your great taste in film and television without showing off your search history. Good for first dates, dinner parties, family reunions, etc.

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Forget Public Wifi

Warm up that optical drive. No more awkwardly streaming episodes on shady free wifi!

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Inter-not

Internet service goes down. It happens all the time. It could happen right now. Then what? Without a DVD on hand you’ll be forced to make eye contact with your friends and family. Or worse – conversation.

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Self Defense

You can’t throw a download like a ninja star. Think about it.

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If you’d like to experience the benefits DVD ownership yourself, Portlandia Season 7 is now available on DVD and Blue-Ray.