DID YOU READ

The Birthday Boys: Jeff Recaps “All Your Favorites Are Back”

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by Jefferson Dutton

Wow, what an episode! So many different flavors, broken up into a nice, proportional stack. You see… every episode is like a big, fancy sandwich. So this week, let’s break down “ALL YOUR FAVORITES ARE BACK,” luncheon style! I’ve got the recipe right here. Loosen up your belt, fatboy, we’re gonna make ourselves a nice Episode 108 hoagie, from the ground up!

We start with “All Your Favorites Are Back” part 1… that’s the foundation of the whole episode. You’re lookin at a bottom bun, baby!

Next up, “Autistic Basketball.” We’re just getting started. Dave sinks major baskets like that viral video kid we all know. Crisp, clean, kind of a relatable thing no one has issues with. That’s right: this sketch is a cool bed of lettuce.

“Hold On”: Short and sweet! Tomato.

“All Your Favorites Are Back” part 2. Now… I guess this is more bun. Seems to me a little soon to have another bun but that’s what the recipe says. Come to think of it, I guess some club sandwiches have bread in the middle. So this is like that.

Woosh. Here’s a tangy treat that can’t be beat: a bittersweet layer of savory dressing!

“All Your Favorites Are Back” part 3… Bob plays a manager listing off the performers’ backstage requests. It’s a little departure from the runner, a short thing between commercial breaks. You guessed it! More bread.

“Pay For What You Get.” This commercial stars Mitch as Marty. We’re in the middle of the episode now, the perfect place for some delicious deli-sliced ham!

“Shrink Ray” brings us to the cheese level… bleu cheese. Oh. Hmm. I can usually only do a little bleu cheese. I’m not allergic to it or anything, but it’s really just not for me. Maybe it’s not too much. I’ll just take a look at the recipe here, hopefully it’s not– 2 BIG DALLOPS?!??! Oh man.

“Pay For What You Get 2” is a tricky one. We’re still in the middle of the episode, and we’re revising Marty’s restaurant in a new, scenic way. And thus, our sandwich layer will be “the same, but different.” Any guesses? How bout some sliced turkey!

All Your Favorites Are– EGG!? Ugh. Disgusting! I hate when people put an egg on a sandwich. I can’t think of a grosser thing!. Did you know that in France they crack a RAW EGG on top of a PIZZA????? Ew. How would that even ever occur to someone? Well, so I guess there’s an egg on this sandwich. Hey, I don’t have to eat it. Hmm? What?!? I DO have to eat it!??!

“No Afterlife” is the second to last sketch. We’re bringin’ it on home with some familiar… rice? Wait, is that right, ‘rice’? On a sandwich? Alright… ‘Half a cup of steamed rice’. On the sandwich it goes.

“All Your Favorites Are Back” part 5. Top bun with sesame seeds. It says here the sesame seeds are supposed to remind us of the rice from No Afterlife. Whatever.

And then, at long last, the Credits. These tie the whole thing together… the credits and production cards are like the toothpick on top, complete with a HARD BOILDED JUMBO EGG??!?! Come on! Fancy sandwiches have toothpicks in them with olives on top, not a not a big stinky egg!

You know what? This “All Your Favorites” sandwich sucks! There I said it! There’s way too much bread, and two gross eggs, and don’t get me started on the whole rice fiasco. It’s disgusting to me! If you need me, I’ll be puking out back. And you guys are into this sorta thing? Jeeze. Enjoy your nasty sandwich everyone. Yikes.

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Forget Oscar

Find Your Spirit Animal

The Spirit Awards are LIVE this Saturday at 2p PT/5p ET.

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In just a few precious days, the greatest, most epic, most star-studded awards ceremony of the year comes to IFC.

And please, we’re definitely not talking about the Oscars. We’re talking about the Spirit Awards. Hosted by iconic comedy duo Nick Kroll and John Mulaney, it’s a relatively under-the-radar awards show with serious cred. And if the past is any indicator, we’re in for a wild night.

If you feel like doing your homework, you can find a full list of nominees and performance excerpts here. It reads like a who’s who of everyone that matters – those larger-than-life personalities with status that borders on mythological. Our celebrity spirit animals, if you will.

This isn’t hyperbole. Literally everyone who takes the stage at the awards show is spirit animal material. Let’s see if we can help you find yours…

Do you

Live in someone else’s shadow despite shining like the sun? Do you inexplicably vandalize your pretty-boy good looks with a sloppy-joe man bun and a repellent pubic-hair beard? Do you think sounding stoned and sounding thoughtful are kinda the same thing?

Congratulations, your spirit animal is Casey Affleck.

He’s the self-canonized patron saint of anyone who’s got the goods but doesn’t give a damn.

Do you

Have mid-length hair and exude a certain feminine masculinity that is universally appealing? Are you drawn to situations that promise little to nothing in the way of grooming or hygiene as a transparently self-conscious attempt to conceal your radiant inner glow? Does that fail miserably?

Way to go, your spirit animal is Viggo Mortensen.

He’s the yoga teacher of actors, in that what should make him super nasty only increases his curb appeal.

Do you

Get zero recognition for work that everyone knows is unrivaled? Do you inspire greatness in others yet get shortchanged when it comes to your own acclaim? Are you a goddam B-52 bomber in an industry of biplanes?

Bingo, your spirit animal is Annette Bening.

What does it take for this artist to win an Oscar? Honestly now, if her performance in 20th Century Women doesn’t earn her every award on the planet, consider it proof that the Universe truly is a cold dark void absent of reason or compassion.

Do you

Walk into a room full of strangers and walk out with a room full of friends? Have you been hiding under the radar just waiting for the right moment to leap out into the spotlight and stay there FOREVER? Do you possess the almost messianic ability to elevate Shia LaBeouf’s on-screen charisma?

You guessed it (or not), your spirit animal is 100% Sasha Lane.

If you haven’t seen American Honey, then you haven’t heard of her. She came out of the blue with a performance both subtle and powerful, and now she’s going to be in all the movies from this moment on. Or she should be, at any rate.

Don’t see your spirit animal there? Worry not. There are many more nominees to choose from, and you can see them all (yes, including Shia LaBeouf) during the Independent Spirit Awards, this Saturday at 2pm PT/5pm ET only on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia Keeps Road Rage In Park

Get a lesson in parking etiquette on a new Portlandia.

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It’s the most American form of cause and effect: Park like a monster, receive a passive-aggressive note.

car notes note

This unofficial rule of the road is critical to keeping the great big wheel of car-related Karma in balance. And naturally, Portlandia’s Kath and Dave have elevated it to an awkward, awkward art form in Car Notes, the Portlandia web series presented by Subaru.

If you’ve somehow missed the memo about Car Notes until now, you can catch up on every installment online, on the IFC app, and on demand. You can even have a little taste right here:

If your interest is piqued – great news for you! A special Car Notes sketch makes an appearance in the latest episode of Portlandia, and you can catch up on it now right here.

Watch all-new Portlandia Thursdays at 10P on IFC.

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Naked and Hungry

Two New Ways to Threeway

IFC's Comedy Crib gets sensual in time for Valentine's Day.

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This week, two scandalous new digital series debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib.
Ménage à Trois invites people to participate in a real-life couple’s fantasy boudoir. And The Filling is Mutual follows two saucy chefs who invite comedians to make food inspired by their routines. Each show crosses some major boundaries in sexy and/or delicious ways, and each are impossible to describe in detail without arousing some awkward physical cravings. Which is why it’s best to hear it directly from the minds behind the madness…

Ménage à Trois

According to Diana Kolsky and Murf Meyer, the two extremely versatile constants in the ever-shifting à trois, “MàT is a sensually psychedelic late night variety show exploring matters of hearts, parts and every goddamn thing in between…PS, any nudes will be 100% tasteful.”

This sexy brainchild includes sketches, music, and props that would put Pee-wee’s Playhouse to shame. But how could this fantastical new twist on the vanilla-sex variety show format have come to be?

“We met in a UCB improv class taught by Chris Gethard. It was clear that we both humped to the beat of our own drum; our souls and tongues intermingled at the bar after class, so we dove in head first.”

Sign me up, but promise to go slow. This tricycle is going to need training wheels.

The Filling is Mutual

Comedians Jen Saunderson and Jenny Zigrino became best friends after meeting in the restroom at the Gotham Comedy Club, which explains their super-comfortable dynamic when cooking with their favorite comedians. “We talk about comedy, sex, menses, the obnoxiousness of Christina Aguilera all while eating food that most would push off their New Year’s resolution.”

The hook of cooking food based off of comedy routines is so perfect and so personal. It made us wonder about what dishes Jen & Jenny would pair with some big name comedy staples, like…

Bill Murray?
“Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to… Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to avoid doing any kind of silly Groundhog Day reference.” 

Bridget Everett?
“Cream Balls… Sea Salt encrusted Chocolate Ganache Covered Ice Cream Ball that melt cream when you bite into them.” 

Nick Kroll & John Mulaney? 
“I’d make George and Gil black and white cookies from scratch and just as we open the oven to put the cookie in we’d prank ’em with an obnoxious amount of tuna!!!”

Carrie Brownstein & Fred Armisen? 
“Definitely a raw cacao “safe word” brownie. Cacao!”

Just perfect.

See both new series in their entirety on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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