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New Year New You

7 New Year’s Resolution Tips from That ’70s Show

Ring in the New Year with That '70s Show Mondays & Tuesdays from 6-11P on IFC.

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The new year is a time of self-reflection and self-improvement. Who better to offer advice than the gang from That ’70s Show? They were literally defined by the years they lived and obliterated by the peal of the bells on December 31st, 1979. If anyone respects the power of the New Year, it’s them.

We’ve gone over their goals from the series to see how Eric, Kelso, Donna and the rest can help you make better New Year’s Resolutions. We hope they help you to have a prosperous and mellow 2016.

1. Make every day special.

Kelso restaurant

Carsey Werner

Kelso’s advice is to follow your dreams and do awesome things. True, he never opened a restaurant. In fact most people wouldn’t even trust him with a candy bar wrapper. But his goal made him happy, sounded awesome, and was enough to get him through another day. And isn’t that what we all want from our resolutions?


2. Go out and meet new people.

Jackie meet boys

Carsey Werner

Not every goal needs to be good for the world. This one is all about Jackie, just like most things involving Jackie. It plays to her strengths, it’ll make her feel better, and it’s a definite plan of action to combat any kind of bad mood. She’d be a self-help superstar if she could even pretend to care about anyone else.


3. Love the one you’re with.

Red loving anybody
Carsey Werner

Red reduces the thorny issue of unpaid emotional labor down to its purest core, then kicks its ass. It’s also maybe the most important advice you’ll ever get. Look after those you love first and don’t even pretend to compromise. Anything else is a waste of time.


4. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Eric meme

Carsey Werner

“If I’m gonna shake this Donna thing, I am gonna need some serious discipline. Please ground me.” It’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Asking Red, though, might be a mistake. Though this may be the happiest Eric has ever made Red. Punishment is one thing Red always resolves to be better at.


5. Know thyself above all else.

Hot Donna

This was more of a work requirement than a resolution, as Donna had been given her own show on local radio. But deciding to call yourself “Hot Donna” is a self-confident, self-improving, self-affirming attitude in any event. Give yourself a powerfully positive name and use it!


6. Own your personal style.

hyde

We’ll be honest: Hyde’s resolution to wear Zeppelin T-shirts isn’t going to set the world on fire. But it’s classic Hyde: a determined application of all his intelligence to the tiny little things that make him happy. Instead of the vast projects we’re told we should hope for, but never achieve, Hyde advises doing the little things that make you happy every day.


7. Just get out there and be awesome.

fez do it

Fez’s resolution was sincere, joyous, 100% heartfelt and 100% all-the-rest-of-the-body-felt as well. He finally achieved his life’s ambition to “do it” with his girlfriend Nina. Even without the specifically sexual factor, this is great advice for any new year. You are going to do it. You’re going to set a goal, work towards it, be positive, and have fun!

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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