With the season finale of Portlandia about to set loose a rampaging Noodle Monster on the residents of Portland, we thought we’d take a look back at some of the freakiest, creepiest and downright scariest characters to ever pop up on the show. Then again, with their blank-eyed commitment to artisanal twee living, most Portlandians freak us out a little bit. And that’s why we love them.
5. Bryce Shivers and Lisa Eversman
If you’ve got a dead pet, or even just some sweet looking road kill, the good folks at Dead Pets will knock it back into shape for you. With their toothy grins and dapper duds, these two feel less like the proprietors of a mom-and-pop shop, and more like the owners of the Bates Hotel. Just remember they don’t work with sleeping pets, or fake pets. Just dead pets!
Glenn Danzig himself stopped by this season to remind Portlandia‘s resident Weirdos that a little beach time is good for the soul. Playing Radu, a Transylvanian with a superior knowledge of beach gear, Danzig brings a threatening vibe to this mysterious man in black. Even in PacSun shorts and reminding us that sometimes to have a good time you have to dress a little lame, Radu still managed to set off our freak radar.
3. Confused Ghosts
What’s scarier than housesitting a creepy old mansion, only to find you’re being haunted by a malevolent ghost? Well, what if that ghost was a misinformed, know-it-all who got all their news by half listening to MSNBC? That living nightmare came to life in the Season 4 premiere, as guest star Kirsten Dunst was subjected to two ghosts who nitpicked everything little thing she did. “Sitting is bad for you.” “I read it in the New York Times.” “Standing’s bad for you too.” “NPR!” Oh, the horror! The smug horror!
No one plays intensely crazy better than Kristen Wiig. With her bug-eyed madness and way with a gun, she got to play the living embodiment of the fan whose favorite band suddenly went mainstream. All of a sudden you have to share them with a bunch of stupid jocks and dumb bimbos. The horrors! Well, Gathy with a “G” isn’t going to let that happen. Not again. Not after Pink slipped away from her. Not to Cat Nap, her favorite music trio featuring a live cat. They are staying in Portland. Forever!
1. The Weirdos Vince and Jacqulin
Whether it’s at the beach or bringing in Paul Reubens to defend their lifestyle, the Weirdos let their freak flag fly in every occasion.