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Food Fight

10 Times Food Came to Life In Hilarious Fashion

The Noodle Monster hits the Portlandia season finale this Thursday at 10P.

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Photo Credit: Columbia Pictures/Everett Collection

Portlandia‘s sixth season wraps up with a bang this Thursday at 10P ET/PT, as a viciously delicious Noodle Monster comes to town. Will anyone survive the monster’s onslaught? Does anyone want to get noodles for lunch? They’re so tasty! Whenever anthropomorphic food pops up in our favorite movies and TV shows, our stomachs start rumbling. From talking french fries to killer tomatoes, the living lunches on this list look good enough to eat.

10. Pizza the Hutt, Spaceballs

MGM

MGM

Our worst craving come to life, Pizza the Hutt, crime lord of the Spaceballs universe, is a sad reminder that we’d probably eat anything if we’re drunk enough. All oozing, bubbling cheese and dangling pepperoni, this living slice brought us nightmares back in the ’80s, and now just make us hungry.


9. Tomatoes, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

If the “Killer Tomato” movies teach us anything, it’s that everything wants to kill us. Even dinner. Also, that George Clooney looks pretty great with a mullet.


8. Can of Vegetables, Wet Hot American Summer

USA Films

USA Films

What makes a true friend? Judging by the bond Gene the cook (Christopher Meloni) and a can of vegetables (voiced by Jon Benjamin) share, friendship means never being ashamed of your true passions. If you want to smear mud on your butt, go for it. If you can, er, pleasure, um, yourself, tell the world. We do have to admit, we’ve never been as confused by the anatomy of a tin can, though.


7. Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Adult Swim

Adult Swim

Fans of the Adult Swim show Aqua Teen Hunger Force would recognize this happy meal anywhere. Shake, Frylock, and Meatwad began life as crime fighters, but quickly tired of the grind, and just started hanging around and going on bizarre adventures. There was no rhyme or reason to their show, outside of the fact that it always gave us the munchies.


6. The Stuff

It seems impossible to keep up with what’s good for you these days. One minute you’re supposed to avoid fatty foods, the next you have to eat the “good” fat. Kale is a superfood, but don’t eat too much or you’ll die. And “The Stuff,” the titular villain of this 1985 schlockfest, was supposed to do a body good, but instead ate your brain and turned you into a killer zombie. Forget it, we’re just going to eat whatever we want.


5. Mutton Vindaloo Beast, Red Dwarf

BBC

BBC

When the boys from the British sci-fi comedy Red Dwarf tried to turn a mutton vindaloo into a chicken vindaloo, they unwittingly created a monster. Immune to bazookas, and able to eat through solid steel, it seemed impossible to stop. That is, until they remembered “the only thing which can kill a vinadloo.” Beer! Whether you’ve got some spicy takeout or a rampaging beast, a nice, cool lager will always do the trick.


4. Singing Food, The Muppets

The Jim Henson Company

The Jim Henson Company

Jim Henson specialized in bringing surprising things to life, from sexy pigs to talking doorknockers, but his menagerie of singing fruits and vegetables always felt like the perfect healthy snack in the middle of some Muppets anarchy.


3. The Lord Our God Ice Cream Sundae, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

With the production value of a ’70s porno, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter didn’t exactly break box office records, but it did have one of the weirdest talking food scenes we’ve ever seen. Part acid trip, part schizophrenic episode, God choosing to communicate with his vampire hunting son through a bowl of talking ice cream made us feel like it might be time to get back on the meds.


2. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Ghostbusters

Columbia Pictures

Columbia Pictures

Poor Ray. All he had to do was clear his mind. Instead, one thought kept popping up. The most harmless thing imaginable. Something from his childhood. Something that could never, ever destroy the whole world. Stay Puft, a living, breathing marshmallow. If the world has to end, at least let the flames of hell smell like s’mores.


1. The Hamburger, Better Off Dead

Warner Bros.

Warner Bros.

Savage Steve Holland’s 1985 comedy opus Better Off Dead brought us a lot of surreal visuals and bizarre moments. But the one that’s always stood out was John Cusack’s Frankenstein burger come to life, rocking out to the sweet licks of Van Halen. It’s alive! And it rocks!

Get a sneak peek of Portlandia’s Noodle Monster! 

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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