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Food Fight

10 Times Food Came to Life In Hilarious Fashion

The Noodle Monster hits the Portlandia season finale this Thursday at 10P.

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Photo Credit: Columbia Pictures/Everett Collection

Portlandia‘s sixth season wraps up with a bang this Thursday at 10P ET/PT, as a viciously delicious Noodle Monster comes to town. Will anyone survive the monster’s onslaught? Does anyone want to get noodles for lunch? They’re so tasty! Whenever anthropomorphic food pops up in our favorite movies and TV shows, our stomachs start rumbling. From talking french fries to killer tomatoes, the living lunches on this list look good enough to eat.

10. Pizza the Hutt, Spaceballs

MGM

MGM

Our worst craving come to life, Pizza the Hutt, crime lord of the Spaceballs universe, is a sad reminder that we’d probably eat anything if we’re drunk enough. All oozing, bubbling cheese and dangling pepperoni, this living slice brought us nightmares back in the ’80s, and now just make us hungry.


9. Tomatoes, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

If the “Killer Tomato” movies teach us anything, it’s that everything wants to kill us. Even dinner. Also, that George Clooney looks pretty great with a mullet.


8. Can of Vegetables, Wet Hot American Summer

USA Films

USA Films

What makes a true friend? Judging by the bond Gene the cook (Christopher Meloni) and a can of vegetables (voiced by Jon Benjamin) share, friendship means never being ashamed of your true passions. If you want to smear mud on your butt, go for it. If you can, er, pleasure, um, yourself, tell the world. We do have to admit, we’ve never been as confused by the anatomy of a tin can, though.


7. Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Adult Swim

Adult Swim

Fans of the Adult Swim show Aqua Teen Hunger Force would recognize this happy meal anywhere. Shake, Frylock, and Meatwad began life as crime fighters, but quickly tired of the grind, and just started hanging around and going on bizarre adventures. There was no rhyme or reason to their show, outside of the fact that it always gave us the munchies.


6. The Stuff

It seems impossible to keep up with what’s good for you these days. One minute you’re supposed to avoid fatty foods, the next you have to eat the “good” fat. Kale is a superfood, but don’t eat too much or you’ll die. And “The Stuff,” the titular villain of this 1985 schlockfest, was supposed to do a body good, but instead ate your brain and turned you into a killer zombie. Forget it, we’re just going to eat whatever we want.


5. Mutton Vindaloo Beast, Red Dwarf

BBC

BBC

When the boys from the British sci-fi comedy Red Dwarf tried to turn a mutton vindaloo into a chicken vindaloo, they unwittingly created a monster. Immune to bazookas, and able to eat through solid steel, it seemed impossible to stop. That is, until they remembered “the only thing which can kill a vinadloo.” Beer! Whether you’ve got some spicy takeout or a rampaging beast, a nice, cool lager will always do the trick.


4. Singing Food, The Muppets

The Jim Henson Company

The Jim Henson Company

Jim Henson specialized in bringing surprising things to life, from sexy pigs to talking doorknockers, but his menagerie of singing fruits and vegetables always felt like the perfect healthy snack in the middle of some Muppets anarchy.


3. The Lord Our God Ice Cream Sundae, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

With the production value of a ’70s porno, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter didn’t exactly break box office records, but it did have one of the weirdest talking food scenes we’ve ever seen. Part acid trip, part schizophrenic episode, God choosing to communicate with his vampire hunting son through a bowl of talking ice cream made us feel like it might be time to get back on the meds.


2. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Ghostbusters

Columbia Pictures

Columbia Pictures

Poor Ray. All he had to do was clear his mind. Instead, one thought kept popping up. The most harmless thing imaginable. Something from his childhood. Something that could never, ever destroy the whole world. Stay Puft, a living, breathing marshmallow. If the world has to end, at least let the flames of hell smell like s’mores.


1. The Hamburger, Better Off Dead

Warner Bros.

Warner Bros.

Savage Steve Holland’s 1985 comedy opus Better Off Dead brought us a lot of surreal visuals and bizarre moments. But the one that’s always stood out was John Cusack’s Frankenstein burger come to life, rocking out to the sweet licks of Van Halen. It’s alive! And it rocks!

Get a sneak peek of Portlandia’s Noodle Monster! 

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Very NSFW

The Brockmire Premiere Is All Truth

Watch The First Episode of Brockmire Right Now for Free

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GIFS via Giphy

At long last, the Brockmire pre-premiere has arrived. Which means you can watch it right now—on IFC.com, at Funny Or Die, on IFC’s Apple TV and mobile apps, on Youtube, on Facebook, on the AMC apps, and right here. So grab some headphones and get watching.

No seriously, get headphones.

Because whether he’s giving a play-by-play or ruminating on the world around him, Jim Brockmire calls it like he sees it. And how he sees it is very NSFW. His take on life is actually quite refreshing, even to the point of being profoundly sage. For proof just look at these pearls of unconventional wisdom from the premiere…

Brockmire On The Internet

“If I need porn I just buy a nudie mag, like my father and his father before him.”

Brockmire On Sex-Ed

“Kids, a strap-on is a belt with d— on it that mommies use to f— daddies.”
Brockmire-Strap-On

Brockmire On The Perfect High

“Somewhere between 10 cups of coffee and very low-grade cocaine.”
Brockmire-Perfect-High

Brockmire On The Tardiness of Spring

“Old man winter’s reaching his hand inside your coat to give that thing one more squeeze.”

Brockmire On Keeping Perspective

“I thought I hit rock bottom in a handicap restroom in Bangkok where a Thai lady-boy snorted crank off my johnson while a sunburnt German watched us on the toilet”
Brockmire-grain-salt

Brockmire On Humanity

“If you want to look directly into the gaping maw of oblivion, don’t look up to the heavens. Just look in the mirror.”
Jules-never-seen

See these nuggets and more in the first episode of Brockmire, and see the whole season beginning April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Thank Azaria

Best. Characters. Ever.

Our favorite Hank Azaria characters.

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GIFs via Giphy

Hank Azaria may well be the most prolific voice and character actor of our time. The work he’s done for The Simpsons alone has earned him a permanent place in the pop culture zeitgeist. And now he’s bringing another character to the mainstream: a washed-up sports announcer named Jim Brockmire, in the aptly titled new series Brockmire.

We’re looking forward to it. So much so that we want to look backward, too, with a short-but-sweet retrospective of some of Azaria’s important characters. Shall we begin?

Half The Recurring Simpsons Characters

He’s Comic Book Guy. He’s Chief Wiggum. He’s Apu. He’s Cletus. He’s Snake. He’s Superintendent Chalmers. He’s the Sea Captain. He’s Kurt “Can I Borrow A Feeling” Van Houten. He’s Professor Frink. He’s Carl. And he’s many more. But most importantly he’s Moe Szyslak, the staple character Azaria has voiced since his very first audition for The Simpsons.

Oh, and He’s Frank Grimes

For all the regular Simpsons characters Azaria has played over the years, his most brilliant performance may have been a one-off: Frank Grimes, the scrappy bootstrapper who worked tirelessly all his life for honest, incremental, and easily-undermined success. Azaria’s portrayal of this character was nuanced, emotional, and simply magical.

Patches O’Houlihan

Dodgeball is a “sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” as Hank Azaria generously points out in his brief but crucial cameo in Dodgeball. That’s sage wisdom. Try applying his “five D’s” to your life on and off the court and enjoy the results.

Harold Zoid

Of Futurama fame. The crazy uncle of Dr. Zoidberg, Harold Zoid was once a lion (or lobster) of the silver screen until Smell-o-vision forced him into retirement.

Agador

The Birdcage was significant for many reasons, and the comic genius of Hank Azaria’s character “Agador” sits somewhere towards the top of that list. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.

Gargamel

Nobody else could make a live-action Gargamel possible.

Ed Cochran

From Ray Donovan. Great character, great last name [editorial note: the author of this article may be bias].

Kahmunra, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln

All in the Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian, a file that let Azaria flex his voice acting and live-action muscles in one fell swoop.

The Blue Raja

Mystery Men has everything, including a fatal case of Smash Mouth. Azaria’s iconic superhero makes the shortlist of redeemable qualities, though.

Dr. Huff

Huff put Azaria in a leading role, and it was good. So good that there is no good gif of it. Internet? More like Inter-not.

Learn more about Hank Azaria’s newest claim to fame right here, and don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Flame Out

Brockmire and Other Public Implosions

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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There’s less than a month until the Brockmire premiere, and to say we’re excited would be an insulting understatement. It’s not just that it stars Hank Azaria, who can do no wrong (and yes, that’s including Mystery Men, which is only cringeworthy because of Smash Mouth). It’s that the whole backstory of the titular character, Jim Brockmire, is the stuff of legends. A one-time iconic sportscaster who won the hearts of fans and players alike, he fell from grace after an unfortunate personal event triggered a seriously public meltdown. See for yourself in the NSFW Funny or Die digital short that spawned the IFC series:

See? NSFW and spectacularly catastrophic in a way that could almost be real. Which got us thinking: What are some real-life sports fails that have nothing to do with botched athletics and everything to do with going tragically off script? The internet is a dark and dirty place, friends, but these three examples are pretty special and mostly safe for work…

Disgruntled Sports Reporter

His co-anchor went offsides and he called it like he saw it.

Jim Rome vs Jim “Not Chris” Everett

You just don’t heckle a professional athlete when you’re within striking distance. Common sense.

Carl Lewis’s National Anthem

He killed it! As in murdered. It’s dead.

To see more moments just like these, we recommend spending a day in your pajamas combing through the muckiness of the internet. But to see something that’s Brockmire-level funny without having to clear your browser history, check out the sneak peeks and extras here.

Don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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