The folks of Portlandia are a crafty lot, typically covered with loose seashells and macrame. But if you’re just starting out in the crafting scene and feel lost every time you enter a Michaels store, here are a few tips from the home-industrious duo, Bryce Shivers and Lisa Eversman (played by Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein). Catch their latest creations on a brand new Portlandia tonight at 10P on IFC.
1. Science Lab Furniture for Men!
For men who haven’t brushed up on their feng shui, decorating a home can be a perplexing affair — until the rise of science lab furniture. Erlenmeyer flask from the early 1900s? Perfect! Surplus dentist chair from the Taft administration? Dynamite! Just keep an eye on your bank balance and you should be fine.
2. Dead Pets!
Zoos and animal sanctuaries are exorbitantly expensive to run, but they become financially viable once you eliminate unnecessary costs such as food, shelter, medicine, etc. The armchair zookeeper in all of us can surround him or herself with a beautiful menagerie with jut one key component: they have to have passed on to the great animal kingdom in the sky.
3. Pickle That!
Like nature’s formaldehyde, pickle juice preserves a food (or any inedible product) so its essence is saved on a shelf for an indefinite amount of time. And like the two-headed pig fetus at a state fair, the contents of a pickle juice jar are rarely if ever something you’d care to eat. Nevertheless, you can pickle that!
4. Put a Bird on It!
What is it about our feathered friends that look great on a tote bag? Science has attempted to answer the question, but rather than wait for the lab results, follow Bryce and Lisa’s advice to simply put a bird on it. Your gravy boat looks bare without one.
5. Rent It Out!
In this post-economic crash economy, total ownership is an obsolete concept, which is why the fiscally minded are opting for borrowing goods and services for a rental fee. And with this burgeoning market unlikely to ever burst, anyone looking for a few extra dollars can — like Bryce and Lisa say — rent it out!