IFC’s Portlandia Season 3 – 092412

Keep Portland Geared

10 Holiday Gift Ideas from Portlandia

Portlandia returns January 21st at 10/9c on IFC.

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Jaded and indifferent toward the notion of commercialized holidays, the trendsetting characters of Portlandia aren’t the type to be rushing doorbuster sales on Black Friday. But that doesn’t mean they won’t be exchanging artisanal home cheeses and letterpress-stamped gift receipts over yuletide micheladas. (It just feels more authentic this way.)

Of course, this means more thought must be put into personalizing a present, far beyond what a Barnes & Noble gift card could accomplish. With that in mind — and with the charitable spirit of winter solstice in our hearts — here are 10 holiday gift ideas with the steampunk barista, communal gardener, and pedicab driver in mind.

1. Bird stencils ($4.73)

1. Put a Bird on It
Colorful avian silhouettes liven up everything — from antique coffee grinders to mason jar light fixtures. And why rob your acquaintances from the pleasures of crafting by buying a piece of seashell art with a boring gull already painted on? Grab a pack of stencils and open your loved one’s horizons to “putting a bird on it.” (Stuff the Portlandia Activity Book in their stocking for more fun.)


2. Gourmet Cacao ($13.57)

2. Cacao
If you’re hearing the word “cacao” repeated day-in and day-out, you’re not alone. The classy gourmet chocolate may cost roughly ten times that of a Hershey’s bar, but where else can you fine-tune a snack into percentages? Cacao: It’s as fun to eat as it is to whisper into your partner’s ear as he or she is sleeping.


3. Carrie Brownstein’s Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl: A Memoir ($16.77)

Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl

Riverhead Books

This October, Sleater-Kinney member and Portlandia co-creator Carrie Brownstein bore her soul in her book Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl: A Memoir. Opening up about her life on tour and the complex relationship she had with her parents, Brownstein produced a poignant autobiography that’ll stuff the finest stocking.


4. The Portlandia Cookbook: Cook Like a Local ($18.10)

Portlandia Cookbook

Clarkson Potter

Does this sound familiar? You went dumpster diving this morning and foraged a case of chocolate pudding that’s a mere two days past expiration, but the rest of your adult dodgeball team is coming tonight — and, boy, do they like their snack packs aged! Well, it’s time to ditch those boring old discarded meals and learn the ways of Portlandia‘s culinary experts!


5. Exercise Ball ($24.97)

Portlandia exercise ball

Just because you’re the mayor of the largest city in Oregon doesn’t mean you can afford to ignore your core. So friends of municipal leaders would be remiss not to gift them an exercise ball for isolating, strengthening, and bouncing — lots of bouncing. How else are they gonna look down their noses at Seattle?


6. Sunlight Therapy Lamp and 200ct bottle of Vitamin D ($65.99)

Portlandia Goths

The Pacific Northwest isn’t well acquainted with the big orange circle in the sky, commonly referred to as “the Sun” — a regional colloquialism originating somewhere in Southern California. So as your Portland pals are staring longingly at the vast grey bleakness, give them the gift of the only light they’ll see for most of the new year. And don’t forget the Vitamin D supplements!


7. One Year of a Digital Newsstand Subscription (Price Varies)

7. Did You Read
Did you read that piece about executive bindles in the Times? Did you catch that Cosmo article about books clubs being infiltrated by ISIS? Did you read? Did you read?!?! Keeping up with the latest think pieces would cost you a fortune in periodical storage in print form, so why not pony up for a year’s worth of digital magazines? Op-eds aren’t going to detract themselves.


8. Battlestar Galactica Ultimate Collection on Blu-ray ($81.99)

Portlandia next episode

At a time when television series are resurrected if viewers wish hard enough — or fund it themselves — fans should never give up hope that their favorite series is dead for good. (Even if that means finding someone who merely shares the name of the show’s creator.) But in the meantime, why not stock up on the Cylons that already exist and hold your own “next episode!” binge party?


9. Tattoo Removal ($500 per session)

9. Bad Tattoo
Look, we’ve all gone through our phases. Be it goth, ska, or Ani, our fleeting fandoms will occasionally get us into jams that are, uh, kinda permanent. So rather than let your inked buddies make a first impression that’s a little “sophomore year ’93,” get those Eddie Vedder portraits and “DUMP QUAYLE” slogans blasted off with a powerful laser.


10. Microhouse ($30,000)

10. Microhouse
Fact: The human body was never meant for a habitat larger than 400 square-feet. Anything beyond the size of a toolshed is needless luxury. So if you have 30 Gs to spare, set your closest friend up with the most efficient living space available. Budding manifesto authors gotta find their muses somewhere! (For a more moderately priced way to live the Portlandia life, give the gift of the Portlandia: A Guide for Visitors book.)

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New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

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Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

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IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon.

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number!

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time.

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by.

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IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo.

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim.

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t?

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?”

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud.

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

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Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

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Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

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And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.

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Get Physical

DVDs are the new Vinyl

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available On Disc.

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GIFs via Giffy

In this crazy digital age, sometimes all we really want is to reach out and touch something. Maybe that’s why so many of us are still gung-ho about owning stuff on DVD. It’s tangible. It’s real. It’s tech from a bygone era that still feels relevant, yet also kitschy and retro. It’s basically vinyl for people born after 1990.

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Inevitably we all have that friend whose love of the disc is so absolutely repellent that he makes the technology less appealing. “The resolution, man. The colors. You can’t get latitude like that on a download.” Go to hell, Tim.

Yes, Tim sucks, and you don’t want to be like Tim, but maybe he’s onto something and DVD is still the future. Here are some benefits that go beyond touch.

It’s Decor and Decorum

With DVDs and a handsome bookshelf you can show off your great taste in film and television without showing off your search history. Good for first dates, dinner parties, family reunions, etc.

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Forget Public Wifi

Warm up that optical drive. No more awkwardly streaming episodes on shady free wifi!

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Inter-not

Internet service goes down. It happens all the time. It could happen right now. Then what? Without a DVD on hand you’ll be forced to make eye contact with your friends and family. Or worse – conversation.

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Self Defense

You can’t throw a download like a ninja star. Think about it.

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If you’d like to experience the benefits DVD ownership yourself, Portlandia Season 7 is now available on DVD and Blue-Ray.