IFC’s Portlandia Season 3 – 092412

Keep Portland Geared

10 Holiday Gift Ideas from Portlandia

Portlandia returns January 21st at 10/9c on IFC.

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Jaded and indifferent toward the notion of commercialized holidays, the trendsetting characters of Portlandia aren’t the type to be rushing doorbuster sales on Black Friday. But that doesn’t mean they won’t be exchanging artisanal home cheeses and letterpress-stamped gift receipts over yuletide micheladas. (It just feels more authentic this way.)

Of course, this means more thought must be put into personalizing a present, far beyond what a Barnes & Noble gift card could accomplish. With that in mind — and with the charitable spirit of winter solstice in our hearts — here are 10 holiday gift ideas with the steampunk barista, communal gardener, and pedicab driver in mind.

1. Bird stencils ($4.73)

1. Put a Bird on It
Colorful avian silhouettes liven up everything — from antique coffee grinders to mason jar light fixtures. And why rob your acquaintances from the pleasures of crafting by buying a piece of seashell art with a boring gull already painted on? Grab a pack of stencils and open your loved one’s horizons to “putting a bird on it.” (Stuff the Portlandia Activity Book in their stocking for more fun.)


2. Gourmet Cacao ($13.57)

2. Cacao
If you’re hearing the word “cacao” repeated day-in and day-out, you’re not alone. The classy gourmet chocolate may cost roughly ten times that of a Hershey’s bar, but where else can you fine-tune a snack into percentages? Cacao: It’s as fun to eat as it is to whisper into your partner’s ear as he or she is sleeping.


3. Carrie Brownstein’s Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl: A Memoir ($16.77)

Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl

Riverhead Books

This October, Sleater-Kinney member and Portlandia co-creator Carrie Brownstein bore her soul in her book Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl: A Memoir. Opening up about her life on tour and the complex relationship she had with her parents, Brownstein produced a poignant autobiography that’ll stuff the finest stocking.


4. The Portlandia Cookbook: Cook Like a Local ($18.10)

Portlandia Cookbook

Clarkson Potter

Does this sound familiar? You went dumpster diving this morning and foraged a case of chocolate pudding that’s a mere two days past expiration, but the rest of your adult dodgeball team is coming tonight — and, boy, do they like their snack packs aged! Well, it’s time to ditch those boring old discarded meals and learn the ways of Portlandia‘s culinary experts!


5. Exercise Ball ($24.97)

Portlandia exercise ball

Just because you’re the mayor of the largest city in Oregon doesn’t mean you can afford to ignore your core. So friends of municipal leaders would be remiss not to gift them an exercise ball for isolating, strengthening, and bouncing — lots of bouncing. How else are they gonna look down their noses at Seattle?


6. Sunlight Therapy Lamp and 200ct bottle of Vitamin D ($65.99)

Portlandia Goths

The Pacific Northwest isn’t well acquainted with the big orange circle in the sky, commonly referred to as “the Sun” — a regional colloquialism originating somewhere in Southern California. So as your Portland pals are staring longingly at the vast grey bleakness, give them the gift of the only light they’ll see for most of the new year. And don’t forget the Vitamin D supplements!


7. One Year of a Digital Newsstand Subscription (Price Varies)

7. Did You Read
Did you read that piece about executive bindles in the Times? Did you catch that Cosmo article about books clubs being infiltrated by ISIS? Did you read? Did you read?!?! Keeping up with the latest think pieces would cost you a fortune in periodical storage in print form, so why not pony up for a year’s worth of digital magazines? Op-eds aren’t going to detract themselves.


8. Battlestar Galactica Ultimate Collection on Blu-ray ($81.99)

Portlandia next episode

At a time when television series are resurrected if viewers wish hard enough — or fund it themselves — fans should never give up hope that their favorite series is dead for good. (Even if that means finding someone who merely shares the name of the show’s creator.) But in the meantime, why not stock up on the Cylons that already exist and hold your own “next episode!” binge party?


9. Tattoo Removal ($500 per session)

9. Bad Tattoo
Look, we’ve all gone through our phases. Be it goth, ska, or Ani, our fleeting fandoms will occasionally get us into jams that are, uh, kinda permanent. So rather than let your inked buddies make a first impression that’s a little “sophomore year ’93,” get those Eddie Vedder portraits and “DUMP QUAYLE” slogans blasted off with a powerful laser.


10. Microhouse ($30,000)

10. Microhouse
Fact: The human body was never meant for a habitat larger than 400 square-feet. Anything beyond the size of a toolshed is needless luxury. So if you have 30 Gs to spare, set your closest friend up with the most efficient living space available. Budding manifesto authors gotta find their muses somewhere! (For a more moderately priced way to live the Portlandia life, give the gift of the Portlandia: A Guide for Visitors book.)

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Holiday Extra Special

Make The Holidays ’80s Again

Enjoy the holiday cheer Wednesday December 21 at 10P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Whatever happened to the kind of crazy-yet-cozy holiday specials that blanketed the early winter airwaves of the 1980s? Unceremoniously killed by infectious ’90s jadedness? Slow fade out at the hands of early-onset millennial ennui? Whatever the reason, nixing the tradition was a huge mistake.

A huge mistake that we’re about to fix.

Announcing IFC’s Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special, starring Tony Hale. It’s a celeb-studded extravaganza in the glorious tradition of yesteryear featuring Bridget Everett, Jo Firestone, Nick Thune, Jen Kirkman, house band The Dap-Kings, and many more. And it’s at Joe’s Pub, everyone’s favorite home away from home in the Big Apple.

The yuletide cheer explodes Wednesday December 21 at 10P. But if you were born after 1989 and have no idea what void this spectacular special is going to fill, sample from this vintage selection of holiday hits:

Andy Williams and The NBC Kids Search For Santa

The quintessential holiday special. Get snuggly and turn off your brain. You won’t need it.

A Muppet Family Christmas

The Fraggles. The Muppets. The Sesame Street gang. Fate. The Jim Henson multiverse merges in this warm and fuzzy Holiday gathering.

Julie Andrews: The Sound Of Christmas

To this day a foolproof antidote to holiday cynicism. It’s cheesy, but a good cheese. In this case an Alpine Gruyère.

Star Wars Holiday Special

Okay, busted. This one was released in 1978. Still totally ’80s though. And yes that’s Bea Arthur.

Pee Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special

Pass the eggnog, and make sure it’s loaded. This special is everything you’d expect it to be and much, much more.

Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special premieres Wednesday December 21 at 10P on IFC.

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It Ain't Over Yet

A Guide to Coping with the End of Comedy Bang! Bang!

Watch the final episodes tonight at 11 and 11:30P on IFC.

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After five seasons and 110 halved-hour episodes, Scott Aukerman’s hipster comedy opus, Comedy Bang! Bang!, has come to an end. Fridays at 11 and 11:30P will never be the same. We know it can be hard for fans to adjust after the series finale of their favorite TV show. That’s why we’ve prepared this step-by-step guide to managing your grief.

Step One: Cry it out

It’s just natural. We’re sad too.
Scott crying GIF

Step Two: Read the CB!B! IMDB Trivia Page

The show is over and it feels like you’ve lost a friend. But how well did you really know this friend? Head over to Comedy Bang! Bang!’s IMDB page to find out some things you may not have known…like that it’s “based on a Civil War battle of the same name” or that “Reggie Watts was actually born with the name Theodore Leopold The Third.”

Step Three: Listen to the podcast

One fascinating piece of CB!B! trivia that you might not learn from IMDB is that there’s a podcast that shares the same name as the TV show. It’s even hosted by Scott Aukerman! It’s not exactly like watching the TV show on a Friday night, but that’s only because each episode is released Monday morning. If you close your eyes, the podcast is just like watching the show with your eyes closed!

Step Four: Watch brand new CB!B! clips?!

The best way to cope with the end of Comedy Bang! Bang! is to completely ignore that it’s over — because it’s not. In an unprecedented move, IFC is opening up the bonus CB!B! content vault. There are four brand new, never-before-seen sketches featuring Scott Aukerman, Kid Cudi, and “Weird Al” Yankovic ready for you to view on the IFC App. There’s also one right here, below this paragraph! Watch all four b-b-bonus clips and feel better.

Binge the entire final season, plus exclusive sketches, right now on the IFC app.

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Everybody Sweats Now

The Four-Day Sweatsgiving Weekend On IFC

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This long holiday weekend is your time to gobble gobble gobble and give heartfelt thanks—thanks for the comfort and forgiveness of sweatpants. Because when it comes right down to it, there’s nothing more wholesome and American than stuffing yourself stupid and spending endless hours in front of the TV in your softest of softests.

So get the sweats, grab the remote and join IFC for four perfect days of entertainment.

sweatsgiving
It all starts with a 24-hour T-day marathon of Rocky Horror Picture Show, then continues Friday with an all-day binge of Stan Against Evil.

By Saturday, the couch will have molded to your shape. Which is good, because you’ll be nestled in for back-to-back Die Hard and Lethal Weapon.

Finally, come Sunday it’s time to put the sweat back in your sweatpants with The Shining, The Exorcist, The Chronicles of Riddick, Terminator 2, and Blade: Trinity. They totally count as cardio.

As if you need more convincing, here’s Martha Wash and the IFC&C Music Factory to hammer the point home.

The Sweatsgiving Weekend starts Thursday on IFC

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