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Bon Appetit

Eat Your Way Around These 10 Neighborhoods in Portland

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Thinking of moving to Portland – or anywhere for that matter? Head over to Zillow.com and start planning now. Find a home that’s within biking distance of your favorite eatery.

1. Division/Clinton

Spend the day roaming the neighborhood streets with stops for coffee and baked goods at Roman Candle, a cozy dinner at The Woodsman Tavern, the famed Thai chicken wings at Pok Pok, or swing by Ava Gene’s for perfect pastas and delicious vegetable dishes. Recover from it all with a drink at the Whiskey Soda Lounge.


2. Alberta

Natural Selection serves outstanding food that happens to be vegetarian, but if you’re feeling carnivorous stop by James Beard Award Winning chef Naomi Pomeroy’s Beast. Either option will be best followed by a serving of ice cream from Salt & Straw and a drink from The Bye and Bye.


3. Fremont/Beaumont Village

Pick up a dozen (or two) of the fresh-baked doughnuts at Pip’s Original, spend some time bottle browsing at Blackbird Wine Shop, pick up some coffee at Ristretto Roasters, and then grab dinner and drinks at smallwares.


4. Hawthorne

Have your own breakfast club at Slappycakes, get a sandwich lunch at Lardo, and then head to Apizza Scholls, which helped Portland step up its pizza game, for dinner.


5. Northwest/Nob Hill

Go old school at Paley’s Place, part of the first-wave of Portland’s culinary revolution, or new school at Bamboo, the world’s first certified-sustainable sushi restaurant. Save room for dessert at Papa Haydn, a Portland classic.


6. Downtown

Stop by James Beard Award-Winning chef Gabriel Rucker’s outpost Little Bird Bistro or head to the Alder Street food cart pod, which fills a whole block with incredible take-out food from the likes of Nong’s Khao Man Gai and the Whole Bowl. Save room for dessert from Saint Cupcake and artisanal goodies from Quin.

Downtown Portland – St. Cupcake from judesays on Vimeo.


7. Boise-Eliot

Line up early for Tasty and Sons, which has one of the best brunches in Portland. Head to Ned Ludd for the finest wood-fired foods around or take a detour to Spain via Toro Bravo’s tasty tapas, which are sure to remind you of your time in Salamanca.


8. Montavilla

Head out east to Tanuki for outside-the-bento-box Japanese-inspired eats and drinks in a fun—if rule-filled — environment. If you’re in the mood for western cuisine on the eastside, the Country Cat is the spot for all-American downhome dining.


9. Central Eastside

Olympic Provisions is the first USDA approved salumeria, so stock up on cured meats and tasty sides before heading to Distillery Row to sample some of Portland’s finest craft distilled liquors, then sobering up at The Stumptown Annex for coffee tasting.


10. The Pearl District

Head out for a brewery tour with stops at the Rogue Brewery, Bridgeport Brewery, and be sure to get a glass of Black Butte Porter at Deschutes Brewery. Fortify yourself with a sandwich and a chocolate-covered macaroon from Pearl Bakery or go upscale at either the Peruvian spot Andina or high-end pizza at Oven and Shaker.


Want to know how much a home in an area is worth even if none are on sale? Get a Zestimate – a market estimate that helps you get a general idea of a home’s value. If you find something you like, Zillow will send you alerts when the price drops or it sells. Happy hunting!

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Very NSFW

The Brockmire Premiere Is All Truth

Watch The First Episode of Brockmire Right Now for Free

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At long last, the Brockmire pre-premiere has arrived. Which means you can watch it right now—on IFC.com, at Funny Or Die, on IFC’s Apple TV and mobile apps, on Youtube, on Facebook, on the AMC apps, and right here. So grab some headphones and get watching.

No seriously, get headphones.

Because whether he’s giving a play-by-play or ruminating on the world around him, Jim Brockmire calls it like he sees it. And how he sees it is very NSFW. His take on life is actually quite refreshing, even to the point of being profoundly sage. For proof just look at these pearls of unconventional wisdom from the premiere…

Brockmire On The Internet

“If I need porn I just buy a nudie mag, like my father and his father before him.”

Brockmire On Sex-Ed

“Kids, a strap-on is a belt with d— on it that mommies use to f— daddies.”
Brockmire-Strap-On

Brockmire On The Perfect High

“Somewhere between 10 cups of coffee and very low-grade cocaine.”
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Brockmire On The Tardiness of Spring

“Old man winter’s reaching his hand inside your coat to give that thing one more squeeze.”

Brockmire On Keeping Perspective

“I thought I hit rock bottom in a handicap restroom in Bangkok where a Thai lady-boy snorted crank off my johnson while a sunburnt German watched us on the toilet”
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Brockmire On Humanity

“If you want to look directly into the gaping maw of oblivion, don’t look up to the heavens. Just look in the mirror.”
Jules-never-seen

See these nuggets and more in the first episode of Brockmire, and see the whole season beginning April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Thank Azaria

Best. Characters. Ever.

Our favorite Hank Azaria characters.

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Hank Azaria may well be the most prolific voice and character actor of our time. The work he’s done for The Simpsons alone has earned him a permanent place in the pop culture zeitgeist. And now he’s bringing another character to the mainstream: a washed-up sports announcer named Jim Brockmire, in the aptly titled new series Brockmire.

We’re looking forward to it. So much so that we want to look backward, too, with a short-but-sweet retrospective of some of Azaria’s important characters. Shall we begin?

Half The Recurring Simpsons Characters

He’s Comic Book Guy. He’s Chief Wiggum. He’s Apu. He’s Cletus. He’s Snake. He’s Superintendent Chalmers. He’s the Sea Captain. He’s Kurt “Can I Borrow A Feeling” Van Houten. He’s Professor Frink. He’s Carl. And he’s many more. But most importantly he’s Moe Szyslak, the staple character Azaria has voiced since his very first audition for The Simpsons.

Oh, and He’s Frank Grimes

For all the regular Simpsons characters Azaria has played over the years, his most brilliant performance may have been a one-off: Frank Grimes, the scrappy bootstrapper who worked tirelessly all his life for honest, incremental, and easily-undermined success. Azaria’s portrayal of this character was nuanced, emotional, and simply magical.

Patches O’Houlihan

Dodgeball is a “sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” as Hank Azaria generously points out in his brief but crucial cameo in Dodgeball. That’s sage wisdom. Try applying his “five D’s” to your life on and off the court and enjoy the results.

Harold Zoid

Of Futurama fame. The crazy uncle of Dr. Zoidberg, Harold Zoid was once a lion (or lobster) of the silver screen until Smell-o-vision forced him into retirement.

Agador

The Birdcage was significant for many reasons, and the comic genius of Hank Azaria’s character “Agador” sits somewhere towards the top of that list. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.

Gargamel

Nobody else could make a live-action Gargamel possible.

Ed Cochran

From Ray Donovan. Great character, great last name [editorial note: the author of this article may be bias].

Kahmunra, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln

All in the Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian, a file that let Azaria flex his voice acting and live-action muscles in one fell swoop.

The Blue Raja

Mystery Men has everything, including a fatal case of Smash Mouth. Azaria’s iconic superhero makes the shortlist of redeemable qualities, though.

Dr. Huff

Huff put Azaria in a leading role, and it was good. So good that there is no good gif of it. Internet? More like Inter-not.

Learn more about Hank Azaria’s newest claim to fame right here, and don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Flame Out

Brockmire and Other Public Implosions

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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There’s less than a month until the Brockmire premiere, and to say we’re excited would be an insulting understatement. It’s not just that it stars Hank Azaria, who can do no wrong (and yes, that’s including Mystery Men, which is only cringeworthy because of Smash Mouth). It’s that the whole backstory of the titular character, Jim Brockmire, is the stuff of legends. A one-time iconic sportscaster who won the hearts of fans and players alike, he fell from grace after an unfortunate personal event triggered a seriously public meltdown. See for yourself in the NSFW Funny or Die digital short that spawned the IFC series:

See? NSFW and spectacularly catastrophic in a way that could almost be real. Which got us thinking: What are some real-life sports fails that have nothing to do with botched athletics and everything to do with going tragically off script? The internet is a dark and dirty place, friends, but these three examples are pretty special and mostly safe for work…

Disgruntled Sports Reporter

His co-anchor went offsides and he called it like he saw it.

Jim Rome vs Jim “Not Chris” Everett

You just don’t heckle a professional athlete when you’re within striking distance. Common sense.

Carl Lewis’s National Anthem

He killed it! As in murdered. It’s dead.

To see more moments just like these, we recommend spending a day in your pajamas combing through the muckiness of the internet. But to see something that’s Brockmire-level funny without having to clear your browser history, check out the sneak peeks and extras here.

Don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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