DID YOU READ

Fred and Carrie Reveal the Meaning of “A-O River!” and More on Reddit

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In their continuing quest to get the entire world jumping up and down in excitement simultaneously and tip the world on its axis long enough for Portland to have four extra days of sunshine a year, Portlandia co-stars, co-creators, co-writers and co-producers Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein did a Reddit AMA yesterday.

You should read the whole thing (here), but these are some of the best parts:

Peter and Nancy are my favorite characters on the show. What was the inspiration for Peter’s pasta addiction and will they go anymore adventures like starting a B&B??

Fred: That came from a real dinner that Carrie and I had in Los Angeles. And we were looking at the menu, and we just thought “well obviously we can’t order pasta, so I guess we have to order this.” So we started talking about, why do we have to avoid pasta so much? So it was more that we were weighing the difference between the difference between enjoying life and really living, or ordering salmon.

Carrie: or salad. And we talked about how, on our deathbeds, we aren’t going to say “I’m so glad I ate so many salads.” And then we watched jealously while this hearty Australian couple at a giant bowl of pasta. And were really unhappy.
Fred: I forgot about that.

Carrie: We sat and watched it like porn.

Fred, have you ever “touched Bill Hader’s butt?”

Fred: I think the question is, have I ever NOT touched Bill Hader’s butt? Frequently, often, and SNL can often be stressful, so a good butt massage…

Carrie: My question is: Cheeks, crack or anus?

Fred: My question is: Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday? Any day will do.

Will there be a dream of the 1790s?

Fred: That’s not a bad idea.

Carrie: I don’t think they had dreams in the 1790s.

Fred: It was a very transitional time. They were just getting over the revolutionary war.

What’s the longest you’ve ever waited for brunch?

Carrie: Probably 45 really angry minutes.

Fred: Same, probably the same brunch as Carrie. I’ve been so angry that I’ve left to go get food at diners.

Was that chicken’s name actually Colin or was that just a stage name?

Fred: The chicken is in CAG (the Chicken Actor’s Guild) so… we can only use his legal name for credit.

Carrie: Fred and I both dated Colin for a bit.

Fred: And please, nobody freak out about this. It’s 2014, love is love, we’re not marrying Colin, we didn’t have any babies, but it’s modern times.

Fred, has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?

Carrie: All the time! All the time people do! That’s why he had to start wearing glasses, because it was distracting people. Imagine two unicorns walking around. That’s what Fred’s eyes are like.

Fred: My eyes are like two unicorns tied together.

Did you ever figure out what A-O River! meant?

Fred: It’s almost like “attention! This way! I’m here! This is my location!” Carrie made it up.

Carrie: My dream is that a river rafting guide uses it in their prep talk. Or that somebody announces that before they start their period.

What is the dream of the 90s?

Fred: Lollapalooza for ever, and ever and ever. Mainstage, side stage, all of it.

Carrie:
I think the 90s had this…monolithic quality to them. Because it was pre-9/11, and everybody thought we were veering towards the Millenium, with all of these institutions in place, and the notion of the future was that it was going to keep getting bigger and better. It seems like a pre-anxiety decade to me.

What haven’t you pickled yet?

Fred: Pickles. We haven’t done a double pickle yet. Like we’ve never gotten a jar of pickles and picked that. Brand-new concept.

Carrie:
I’m not a huge fan of pickles. But I would be interested in pickling pizza. I would just take an entire pizza and pickle it. That’s one of the most disgusting things I can think of.

Fred:
You would need a big, huge, flat jar.

Fred, Can I borrow 20 bucks?

Carrie: I’m sorry Fred, I wrote that in.

Fred: I put that in your ATM. Go to your ATM and withdraw $20. That $20 is from me.

Want the latest news from Portlandia? Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter @IFCportlandia and use the hashtag #portlandia.

Portlandia returns to IFC on Thursday, February 27, 2014 at 10/9c

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Hard Out

Comedy From The Closet

Janice and Jeffrey Available Now On IFC's Comedy Crib

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She’s been referred to as “the love child of Amy Sedaris and Tracy Ullman,” and he’s a self-described “Italian who knows how to cook a great spaghetti alla carbonara.” They’re Mollie Merkel and Matteo Lane, prolific indie comedians who blended their robust creative juices to bring us the new Comedy Crib series Janice and Jeffrey. Mollie and Matteo took time to answer our probing questions about their series and themselves. Here’s a taste.

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IFC: How would you describe Janice and Jeffrey to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Mollie & Matteo: Janice and Jeffrey is about a married couple experiencing intimacy issues but who don’t have a clue it’s because they are gay. Their oblivion makes them even more endearing.  Their total lack of awareness provides for a buffet of comedy.

IFC: What’s your origin story? How did you two people meet and how long have you been working together?

Mollie: We met at a dive bar in Wrigley Field Chicago. It was a show called Entertaining Julie… It was a cool variety scene with lots of talented people. I was doing Janice one night and Matteo was doing an impression of Liza Minnelli. We sort of just fell in love with each other’s… ACT! Matteo made the first move and told me how much he loved Janice and I drove home feeling like I just met someone really special.

IFC: How would Janice describe Jeffrey?

Mollie: “He can paint, cook homemade Bolognese, and sing Opera. Not to mention he has a great body. He makes me feel empowered and free. He doesn’t suffocate me with attention so our love has room to breath.”

IFC: How would Jeffrey describe Janice?

Matteo: “Like a Ford. Built to last.”

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Mollie & Matteo: Our current political world is mirroring and reflecting this belief that homosexuality is wrong. So what better time for satire. Everyone is so pro gay and equal rights, which is of course what we want, too. But no one is looking at middle America and people actually in the closet. No one is saying, hey this is really painful and tragic, and sitting with that. Having compassion but providing the desperate relief of laughter…This seemed like the healthiest, best way to “fight” the gay rights “fight”.

IFC: Hummus is hilarious. Why is it so funny?

Mollie: It just seems like something people take really seriously, which is funny to me. I started to see it in a lot of lesbians’ refrigerators at a time. It’s like observing a lesbian in a comfortable shoe. It’s a language we speak. Pass the Hummus. Turn on the Indigo Girls would ya?

See the whole season of Janice and Jeffrey right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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Die Hard Dads

Inspiration For Die Hard Dads

Die Hard is on IFC all Father's Day Long

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIPHY

Yippee ki-yay, everybody! It’s time to celebrate the those most literal of mother-effers: dads!

And just in case the title of this post left anything to the imagination, IFC is giving dads balls-to-the-wall ’80s treatment with a glorious marathon of action trailblazer Die Hard.

There are so many things we could say about Die Hard. We could talk about how it was comedian Bruce Willis’s first foray into action flicks, or Alan Rickman’s big screen debut. But dads don’t give a sh!t about that stuff.

No, dads just want to fantasize that they could be deathproof quip factory John McClane in their own mundane lives. So while you celebrate the fathers in your life, consider how John McClane would respond to these traditional “dad” moments…

Wedding Toasts

Dads always struggle to find the right words of welcome to extend to new family. John McClane, on the other hand, is the master of inclusivity.
Die Hard wedding

Using Public Restrooms

While nine out of ten dads would rather die than use a disgusting public bathroom, McClane isn’t bothered one bit. So long as he can fit a bloody foot in the sink, he’s G2G.
Die Hard restroom

Awkward Dancing

Because every dad needs a signature move.
Die Hard dance

Writing Thank You Notes

It can be hard for dads to express gratitude. Not only can McClane articulate his thanks, he makes it feel personal.
Die Hard thank you

Valentine’s Day

How would John McClane say “I heart you” in a way that ain’t cliche? The image speaks for itself.
Die Hard valentines

Shopping

The only thing most dads hate more than shopping is fielding eleventh-hour phone calls with additional items for the list. But does McClane throw a typical man-tantrum? Nope. He finds the words to express his feelings like a goddam adult.
Die Hard thank you

Last Minute Errands

John McClane knows when a fight isn’t worth fighting.
Die Hard errands

Sneaking Out Of The Office Early

What is this, high school? Make a real exit, dads.
Die Hard office

Think you or your dad could stand to be more like Bruce? Role model fodder abounds in the Die Hard marathon all Father’s Day long on IFC.

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Founding Farters

Know Your Nerd History

Revenge of the Nerds is on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs via Giphy

That we live in the heyday of nerds is no hot secret. Scientists are celebrities, musicians are robots and late night hosts can recite every word of the Silmarillion. It’s too easy to think that it’s always been this way. But the truth is we owe much to our nerd forebearers who toiled through the jock-filled ’80s so that we might take over the world.

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Our humble beginnings are perhaps best captured in iconic ’80s romp Revenge of the Nerds. Like the founding fathers of our Country, the titular nerds rose above their circumstances to culturally pave the way for every Colbert and deGrasse Tyson that we know and love today.

To make sure you’re in the know about our very important cultural roots, here’s a quick download of the vengeful nerds without whom our shameful stereotypes might never have evolved.

Lewis Skolnick

The George Washington of nerds whose unflappable optimism – even in the face of humiliating self-awareness – basically gave birth to the Geek Pride movement.

Gilbert Lowe

OK, this guy is wet blanket, but an important wet blanket. Think Aaron Burr to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton. His glass-mostly-empty attitude is a galvanizing force for Lewis. Who knows if Lewis could have kept up his optimism without Lowe’s Debbie-Downer outlook?

Arnold Poindexter

A music nerd who, after a soft start (inside joke, you’ll get it later), came out of his shell and let his passion lead instead of his anxiety. If you played an instrument (specifically, electric violin), and you were a nerd, this was your patron saint.

Booger

A sex-loving, blunt-smoking, nose-picking guitar hero. If you don’t think he sounds like a classic nerd, you’re absolutely right. And that’s the whole point. Along with Lamar, he simultaneously expanded the definition of nerd and gave pre-existing nerds a twisted sort of cred by association.

Lamar Latrell

Black, gay, and a crazy good breakdancer. In other words, a total groundbreaker. He proved to the world that nerds don’t have a single mold, but are simply outcasts waiting for their moment.

Ogre

Exceedingly stupid, this dumbass was monumental because he (in a sequel) leaves the jocks to become a nerd. Totally unheard of back then. Now all jocks are basically nerds.

Well, there they are. Never forget that we stand on their shoulders.

Revenge of the Nerds is on IFC all month long.

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