DID YOU READ

Portland’s feminist bookstore writes the best Super Bowl tweets

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When we handed control of our@IFCportlandia twitter handle to the In Other Words feminist bookstore, a.k.a. the inspiration and setting for Portlandia’s Women & Women First, we didn’t realize that they would be live tweeting the Super Bowl. But wow are we glad they did. Here are some of our favorite tweets sent out by our favorite feminists who helped bring Toni and Candace into the world:

And then this happened:

You know you love someone when you don’t mind that they called you a capitalist! At last In Other Words ceded control of the Portlandia Twitter handle back to “the capitalists” with a fond sign off:

Thank you for all your hard work In Other Words!

Want the latest news from Portlandia? Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter@ifcPortlandia and use the hashtag #portlandia.

Portlandia airs on IFC on Fridays at 10/9c

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CB!B! Flashback

10 Classic Comedy Bang! Bang! Moments

Scott and "Weird Al" remember some classic CB!B! moments tonight starting at 11P on IFC.

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With Comedy Bang! Bang! hitting its 100th episode, we thought we’d take a look back at some of the weirdest, most farcical and insane moments Scott Aukerman (“Hot Saucerman”) and the crew have ever cooked up. To see what Scott and “Weird Al” have in store for the 100th episode, be sure to tune in tonight starting at 11P.

10. The Oh, Hello! boys crack up Scott and The Lonely Island

We’re only at the midway point of season five, and already this latest batch of episodes has produced several classic CB!B! moments. We’re still laughing at Nick Kroll and John Mulaney’s appearance as those Upper West Side-dwelling, Alan Alda-worshipping weirdos Gil Faizon and George St. Geegland. Watch their segment above and witness Andy Samberg and the Lonely Island guys attempting to keep it together.


9. See Through Burritos

Burritos

In this riff on David Cronenberg’s The Fly, Reggie gets superpowers when he accidentally microwaves himself with a burrito. Now, thanks to the laws of science, he can see through tortillas. It goes without saying that he’s super psyched. No more mystery when it comes to what other people are eating. Shredded Chicken. Carne Asada. Reggie always knows. But with great power comes great responsibility, as long as that responsibility involves tortillas.


8. Cowboy Poetry by Dalton Wilcox

Dalton Wilcox

Andy Daly is a mainstay on Comedy Bang! Bang!, and with good reason, if “Poet Laureate of the West” Dalton Wilcox is any indication. With his folksy poems about hard living on the plains, he seems to be the rugged ideal of an Old West cowboy. That is unless you let him read his poems all the way through, and realize 75% to 80% of them are about having sex with a hole in the ground. And if that isn’t your cup of tea, stick around for the poem about all the people he accidentally killed because he thought they were vampires.


7. Reality House

Reality House

It’s hard to find an original slant on the reality show genre these days, but Aukerman and the CB!B! writing staff are never one to shy away from a challenge. Here, actual reality show stars like Reza Farahan, the muastachioed hunk from Shahs of Sunset and ex-Bachelor contestant Lucy Aragon, take place in a competition called “Reality House,” which seems to consist of host Scott Aukerman reading the same bewildering cue card every day for weeks, while the confused contestants become more and more confused. No one has any idea what type of show this is, what they’re supposed to do, or really anything at all. Well, Farahan does know one thing. He isn’t here to make friends…or is he?


6. Scottie Scares ‘Em

Scottie Scares

Scott is a friendly guy, so it probably shouldn’t come as a shock that he’d use a hidden camera prank show to make friends. In this classic CB!B! sketch, Scott dresses up as a bush to scare some unsuspecting passerby, but when one, then two, then all of them want to join the show, “Scottie Scares ‘Em” slowly morphs into “Scottie, Greg, June, Lisa & Sarah Startles and Caught-Off-Guards ‘Em Featuring Stu (Vouched for by Dave).”


5. Topher Grace Tries To Shoot Seth Rogen

Topher Grace

Celebrity cameos are a mainstay of Comedy Bang! Bang!. You never know who’s going to stop by, or who they’re going to kill. Thank god for Will Arnett, who cameos here to talk down Topher Grace, playing a cameraman who wants to “take the shot,” and kill Seth Rogen’s picture of himself surfing once and for all. Pretty typical stuff. Action movie icon Fred Williamson even shows up, to question why Arnett is so hard on the young That’s ’70s Show star. Maybe it’s because he sees some much of himself in the kid. All of that for a thirty second gag?


4. Make The Sweater Better

Sweater

In this sketch, Scott sends up a variety of TV show genres with his “Make The Sweater Better” show. He’s here to “make a cargi-GAN out of this cardi-GAN’T,” and save your favorite sweater! But as the show progresses, fixing sweaters falls by the wayside, as his trip between locations on “historic Route 66” takes up more and more time. He starts dropping cheap catchphrases like, “I did have a cow, man,” and “Mmmmm, you’ve got to lick it before you kick it.” His hair grows frosted tips, a goatee crops on his face and his shirt becomes emblazoned with flames. Before you know it, Scott has gone full blown Guy Fieri, unable to leave a frame without chanting, “hasta la vista, baby.”


3. Fourvel Gets Stabby

Fourvel

For fans of the Comedy Bang! Bang! podcast, Bobby Moynihan’s orphan boy, Forvuel, is a familiar face, er, voice. A castoff scamp, he spends his days hunting for scraps, and desperately trying to get adopted. But don’t cross him, because he’s quick to pull a knife and get all stabby. Just ask his birth family, who he killed because “they were all up in my grill.”


2. Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber pens an epic musical

Webber musical

Paul F. Tompkins‘ take on the Phantom of the Opera creator is always a welcome presence on the CB!B! stage. But for one classic episode, the Lord deigned us all with a brand new musical starring Casey Wilson, Scott and Tom Lennon as The Phantom of the Studio. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house (probably because of all the smoke effects).


1. Scott Does the Time Warp Again

Time Warp

Last season’s Halloween episode has quickly become an all-time classic, thanks to a brilliant homage to the Rocky Horror Picture Show featuring Kid Cudi in a Riff Raff-like role, guest Robert Kirkman as Dr. Scott and Scott himself channeling Dr. Frank-N-Furter. The sight of Scott in a wig and fishnets is not one we’ll soon forget.

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Die Hard 2

Are You a Hero?

10 Signs You’re an Action Movie Hero

Spend July 4th weekend with Die Hard, The Punisher and more action flicks on IFC.

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Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox/Everett Collection

Being an action hero isn’t the easiest job in the world. You need to be comfortable putting your family in danger, killing indiscriminately and always keeping your hair picture perfect. It’s not for everyone.

With Die Hard, The Punisher and more high octane flicks airing as part of IFC’s July 4th action movie weekend, we got to thinking…who would really want the gig? Well, many of you out there might already be action heroes, and not even realize it. If you find yourself answering “yes” to any of the questions below, we’ve got some bad news for you: You’re an action movie star. So get the killer quips ready, because yippee ki yay, there’s no turning back from here.

10. Do you still have sparks with your ex-wife?

Die Hard
20th Century Fox

(Taken, Die Hard, 2012, True Lies)

Look, in real life there’s a reason your ex-wife is your ex. For some reason, though, if you’re an action star, not only do you want your ex back, but you want to make sweet, sensual love to her in the middle of a shootout. Nobody has sparks like bitter exes in an action movie. Sure, being in the middle of a death defying incident — like, say, your office Christmas party being overrun by terrorists — helps get the juices flowing. But if you find yourself seriously sweating your ex while swinging off of a skyscraper that’s about to blow up, there’s a decent chance you are an action movie hero.


9. Did you best friend/mentor die in your arms?

Star Wars
Lucasfilm Ltd.

(The Phantom Menace, Blade II, both Star Trek IIs

It’s hard enough when someone close to you passes away. But when they die in your arms, imparting one last bit of wisdom before they shuffle off this planet or one far, far away, it can be especially traumatizing. That said, if the tragic death of your mentor/best friend/partner just days away from retirement motivates you to seek revenge against the psycho who killed them, there’s a good chance that you’re either really unlucky, or a gun-toting action hero.


8. Have you ever gone native?

Avatar
20th Century Fox

(Avatar, District 9, John Carter of Mars, Dances With Wolves)

Most of us spend our days trying to decide between burritos or subs for lunch, but some people strike out into the world (or the universe) seeking adventure. If you’ve spent your life trying to tackle the next frontier, only to realize that the people who live there have a purer way of life, you might be that kid who spends a semester abroad and thinks they’re now experts on all things foreign, or you might be an action movie star about to turn against his own people. Just a heads up.


7. Are you a reckless scientist who has taken things too far?

Avengers Age of Ultron
Marvel Studios

(Prometheus, The Fly, Avengers: Age of Ultron)

In real life, scientists spend their days in underfunded labs, repeating monotonous tests over and over again in the hopes of pushing a theory into scientific fact with a slow and steady accumulation of data. But if you’re the type of scientist who creates sentient robots or teleportation devices in your eternal quest to feel like a god only to have said creation wreak havoc, well, I hate to break it to you, but you’re smack dab in the middle of a sci-fi action movie. Fingers crossed you’re the good guy this time.


6. Did you meet your significant other by saving their life?

Michael Biehn
Orion Pictures

(Terminator, the Bourne franchise, every Katherine Heigl “meet cute” action rom com)

We all know how annoying Tinder can be. But isn’t it better than meeting your soulmate as he or she’s being chased down by a killer robot? How healthy a relationship can you really have when all you do is run, screw or talk about time paradoxes? So, while dating online might suck, just keep in mind that if you met your boyfriend or the future mother of your child by saving their life, you’re probably an action star and in a toxic relationship.


5. Has your closest confidant turned against you?

Jon Voight
Paramount Pictures

(Iron Man, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Unbreakable, Mission: Impossible)

It’s hard enough to find someone who gets you and sticks by you no matter what. Maybe they’re a boss who’s always seen a little of themselves in you. Or maybe they’re the one person who has the exact answers you’re looking for about why you suddenly have super powers. Whatever the case may be, they’re often the only person you can trust, which makes it hurt all the more when they turn against you. More often than not, these supposed friends end up being the one behind all your problems. They’re out to get you, ruin your life, kill you. If you can’t get close to someone without them turning into a super villain, well, at least take solace in the fact that you’re the action star in the movie of your life.


4. Do you often speak in puns and catchphrases?

Arnold
TriStar Pictures

(Passenger 57, Live and Let Die, They Live, every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie)

It’s hard to always have the perfect thing to say in a tense situation. Most movie stars need a team of writers to come up with bon mots like “Hey, you wanna be a farmer? Here’s a couple of achers!” or “I’m gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent — to the blood bank!” It takes a certain level of bravado to punch out an alien and quip, “Welcome to Earth!” So if you find yourself constantly spouting the perfect quote for every situation, you might want to wonder why that is. Especially if it’s after killing someone. Why the hell are you killing someone and spouting a one-liner, unless you’re an action star?


3. Are you a retired killer looking for the quiet life?

Mark Wahlberg
Paramount Pictures

(A History of Violence, Shooter, Taken, Red

We’ve all had jobs we hated. Slinging fries at that fast food joint. Taking tickets at the local movie theater. Cleaning bathrooms at the diviest bar in town. But if you’re job used to involve killing people, something you vowed to never do again, well, that trumps that one summer you cleaned up puke at the amusement park. If there’s one thing we’ve learned from action movies, it’s that the quiet life never lasts for secret agents and trained assassins who’ve moved to a small town or some cabin in the woods. Your past always catches up with you, which is why we took that job at the pretzel stand in the mall, and didn’t become a CIA hitman.


2. Are you a loose cannon cop who doesn’t play by the rules?

Martin Riggs
Warner Bros.

(Lethal Weapon, Beverly Hills Cop, Bullitt, Die Hard)

We’re sure that most of the police officers reading this right now are diligent, honest and hard working, but there are probably a few that play fast and loose with the law. If you’re one of them, a cop who’s constantly getting reamed by his commanding officer for crashing cars and shooting up South African embassies, then you’re most likely an action hero. Because in real life you would have been canned years ago.


1. Have you ever walked away from an explosion?

Explosion
Columbia Pictures

(DesperadoX-Men Origins: Wolverine, The Rundown, Drive Angry, pretty much every action movie) 

Let’s be honest: most of us have never been within spitting distance of a giant fireball, and yet in action movies, these things seem to blow every few minutes. A car gets dinged up? It explodes. A gasoline drum gets knocked over? It explodes. What’s impressive about action heroes is, these things never seem to phase them. No matter how close they are to the flames, and these guys are hair singe-ingly close, they don’t flinch. If you’ve ever walked away from a giant explosion without peeing your pants, you’re probably a Grade-A action star. So congratulations, and good luck!

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That 70s Show Jessica Simpson Summer

Summer Lovin'

5 Summer Fun Moments From That ’70s Show

Spend the 4th of July with a That '70s Show marathon starting at 6P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Carsey-Werner Productions

Point Place, Wisconsin isn’t exactly the ideal place to be in the summer time, but Eric and the gang from That ’70s Show had a few moments of summer fun that didn’t involve sitting in “the circle” and wishing they were in Hawaii. Unfortunately, Red never wore a speedo, but we hope you can cool off with the five best moments of the ’70s gang hanging out in the summer time.

5. Hyde and Jackie’s Summer Fling

This classic summer moment from season five doesn’t involve soaking up the sun but it does involve sucking face in the basement. Hyde and Jackie’s funny and sweet “opposites attract” relationship started with their summer fling born out of boredom. According to Jackie’s story, Hyde wanted to “shake it” to Abba and according to Hyde, Jackie just wanted him. Despite the fact that their hook-up initially taints the basement for Eric and Donna, there would have been no “Jackie and Hyde” without their summer fling.


4. Summer Lovin’

70s Show Grease
Carsey-Werner Productions

In the first episode of season six, Jackie has been wrestling over who she really wants to be with and the audience gets to see her as Sandy from Grease in the black leather outfit and Hyde in Danny Zuko’s black t-shirt. Jackie imagines the gang singing the classic Grease song “Summer Nights,” except now it’s about her and Hyde belonging together like “baba balooba shwaba she bang she bang.”


3. Summer by the Lake

70s Show Camping
Carsey-Werner Productions

In the season five finale, the gang heads out to the lake for a night of camping, scary storytelling and skinny dipping. Donna also tells a ghost story that scares Eric, but not as much as when he heads to the lake to skinny dip with Donna and finds Lori naked instead. Meanwhile, Fez ends up in the van with Lori, and in Fez speak, you can say he started the summer off with a bang.


2. Kelso’s Summer Dream Girl

Kelso is never one to miss a chance at showing off his body in a tank top, so when Donna heads to California for the summer to find herself and some blond highlights, Kelso tags along for the sun, the sand and the girls. He meets his match with Annette, in a cameo that was perfect for Jessica Simpson. She’s blonde, beautiful and seems like his dream girl until he finds out she’s a virgin. Turns out the only down and dirty Kelso gets is when they build a sand castle.


1. Eric and Donna reunite on the beach

When the girl next door takes off to spend her summer in sunny California, what’s a pale Wisconsin boy like Eric to do but chase after her? When the duo meet on the beach, the moment is simultaneously hilarious and adorable as they run to meet each other in slow motion like Dudley Moore and Bo Derek in the movie 10. The only difference is Bo Derek didn’t have Kelso running alongside her.

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