DID YOU READ

The Most Portland Thing Ever: Don’t Feed the Ducks

Portlandiaducks

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For today’s Most Portland Thing Ever, Nicole Georges illustrates a submission from commenter Edster&#8212a story of what happens when two fundamental building blocks of Portland culture, uptight eco-consciousness and hands-on parenting, collide.

Behold:

i was 8 months pregnant with my second kid and was trying to squeeze in some quality time with my 3 year old. i asked him what he wanted to do that day, he said feed the ducks at laurelhurst pond. i packed up the “wild birdseed” and off we went. we found a spot where all the ducks were hanging out and he was tossing little handfuls of seed at them when a kid about 8 or 9 came by from his class and told me that i should not feed the ducks because their poop kills the fish and turtles in the pond. i asked him what the ducks should eat and he said the fish in the pond. i said “thanks for letting me know that.” but let my son finish off his little bag of seed. i looked over and the kid with about three others were giving me dirty looks and shaking their heads at me. then the teacher came by and said “i know that one of the children already mentioned it, but they have been studying this pond and it really hurts them to see people feeding the ducks. though i understand that brings a lot of pleasure too.” i seriously felt like frankenstein with a mob of third graders waving their torches at me. i collect my boy and we went to other side of the lake to check out the turtles. a few months later, the pond was drained and all the turtles were euthanized because they weren’t a native species. oh portland.

Tomorrow, we’ll post the final panel from this series of illustrated reader comments. Thanks so much to everyone for submitting such fantastically surreal stories. In Portland, truth is funnier than fiction.

Nicole Georges is an illustrator, educator, and graphic novelist based in Portland, Oregon. Her self-published autobiographical zine, Invincible Summer, has been anthologized in two volumes. She teaches self publishing and autobiographical comic workshops to children and seniors, and her first graphic novel, Calling Dr. Laura, will be released this year with Houghton Mifflin. Also, she does pet portraits.

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”


Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”


But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.

via GIPHY

It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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