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DID YOU READ

“Mixology” Revisited

cocktails

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On last week’s “Portlandia,” we learned just how far Portlanders will travel for a bizarrely obscure cocktail—all the way to the badlands of Los Angeles. Luckily, most of us don’t have to go much further than up the street (or, y’know, to the Pearl) to find a mixed drink you never knew existed because you have no idea how to even pronounce what’s in it. Here, bartenders from five of the city’s best cocktail bars offer some of their most arcane recipes for your imbibing pleasure. Getting hammered has never been so…abstruse!

Beaker and Flask
720 SE Sandy Blvd., (503) 235-8180

From owner Kevin Ludwig:

Zanahorita

2 oz reposado tequila
3/4 oz lime juice
3/4 oz triple sec
1 oz fresh carrot juice
1/2 oz simple syrup
pinch of cumin

Shake and strain over ice in a salted rim glass. Garnish with a dusting of cumin.

Sal’s Minion

2.5 oz good, aged rum
3/4 oz pineapple gomme

Pour the above over four large coconut water ice cubes and stir.

Grounded for Life

1.5 oz Mazama Pepper Vodka
3/4 oz triple sec
3/4 oz fresh lime
3/4 oz simple syrup
1 oz fresh celery juice

Shake and strain into a salted rim glass.


Gruner
527 SW 12 Ave., (503) 241-7163

From bartender Dave Shenaut:

Rest for the Wicked

1 oz Zirbenz Stone Pine Liqueur
3/4 oz Krogstad Aquavit (It’s local!)
3/4 oz lemon juice
3/4 oz 2:1 clover honey syrup
3/4 egg whites

Combine. Shake without ice, then add ice and shake again. Fine strain into a chilled cocktail glass, then with an eye-dropper drop dots of creme de violette and etch out little hearts with a toothpick.


Secret Society
116 NE Russell St., (503) 493-3600

From bartender Michael Sellers:

The Orchard

2 oz applejack
1/2 oz lillet blanc
1/2 oz cynar
3/4 oz cranberry juice
3 dashes of orange bitters served up

Applejack is pretty cool because you don’t see it pop up in too many cocktails these days. It is from one of the oldest distilleries in America; I believe it dates back to the 1750s. It is kind of a cross between calvados and grain whiskey. The other kind of obscure liquor in this is cynar, which is an Italian bitter liquor made from artichoke hearts. You put all these things together and you get a kind of woody, apple-like, complex, boozy glass of goodness.


Teardrop Cocktail Lounge
1015 NW Everett St., (503) 445-8109

From bartender Daniel Shoemaker:

African Swallow

Martin Miller’s Westbourne Strength gin
Homemade blood orange shrub
Homemade Kina Lillet
Elixir Vegetale

Blood orange shrub: A hybrid between a colonial shrub and the more modern Creole Shrubb (produced by an Agricole Rhum family). Fresh blood orange juice and zest, balsamic vinegar reduced with sugar and spices (licorice root, sarsaparilla root, marshmallow root, Szechuan peppercorns, green cardamom), macerated with high-proof rum, and finally barrel-aged in new French oak for nine months.

Kina Lillet: The aperitif changed its recipe in the early ’80s, removing some of the bittering agents and making it lighter and more bright orange. This is our house approximation of the original formula.

Elixir Vegetale: From the same monks who make green & yellow chartreuse, this is a much more concentrated, higher-proof version of the same.



Whiskey Soda Lounge
3131 SE Division St., (503) 232-0102

From operations manager Matthew Adams:

Gin Apple Rickey

1 oz apple drinking vinegar
1.5 oz of gin

In a tall glass, pour the drinking vinegar and gin over ice. Fill with soda water, squeeze a lemon wedge over the top and garnish with an amarena cherry.

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Hacked In

Funny or Die Is Taking Over

FOD TV comes to IFC every Saturday night.

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We’ve been fans of Funny or Die since we first met The Landlord. That enduring love makes it more than logical, then, that IFC is totally cool with FOD hijacking the airwaves every Saturday night. Yes, that’s happening.

The appropriately titled FOD TV looks like something pulled from public access television in the nineties. Like lo-fi broken-antenna reception and warped VHS tapes. Equal parts WTF and UHF.

Get ready for characters including The Shirtless Painter, Long-Haired Businessmen, and Pigeon Man. They’re aptly named, but for a better sense of what’s in store, here’s a taste of ASMR with Kelly Whispers:

Watch FOD TV every Saturday night during IFC’s regularly scheduled movies.

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Wicked Good

See More Evil

Stan Against Evil Season 1 is on Hulu.

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Okay, so you missed the entire first season of Stan Against Evil. There’s no shame in that, per se. But here’s the thing: Season 2 is just around the corner and you don’t want to lag behind. After all, Season 1 had some critical character development, not to mention countless plot twists, and a breathless finale cliffhanger that’s been begging for resolution since last fall. It also had this:

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The good news is that you can catch up right now on Hulu. Phew. But if you aren’t streaming yet, here’s a basic primer…

Willards Mill Is Evil

Stan spent his whole career as sheriff oblivious to the fact that his town has a nasty curse. Mostly because his recently-deceased wife was secretly killing demons and keeping Stan alive.

Demons Really Want To Kill Stan

The curse on Willards Mill stipulates that damned souls must hunt and kill each and every town sheriff, or “constable.” Oh, and these demons are shockingly creative.

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They Also Want To Kill Evie

Why? Because Evie’s a sheriff too, and the curse on Willard’s Mill doesn’t have a “one at a time” clause. Bummer, Evie.

Stan and Evie Must Work Together

Beating the curse will take two, baby, but that’s easier said than done because Stan doesn’t always seem to give a damn. Damn!

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Beware of Goats

It goes without saying for anyone who’s seen the show: If you know that ancient evil wants to kill you, be wary of anything that has cloven feet.

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Season 2 Is Lurking

Scary new things are slouching towards Willards Mill. An impending darkness descending on Stan, Evie and their cohort – eviler evil, more demony demons, and whatnot. And if Stan wants to survive, he’ll have to get even Stanlier.

Stan Against Evil Season 1 is now streaming right now on Hulu.

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SO EXCITED!!!

Reminders that the ’90s were a thing

"The Place We Live" is available for a Jessie Spano-level binge on Comedy Crib.

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Unless you stopped paying attention to the world at large in 1989, you are of course aware that the ’90s are having their pop cultural second coming. Nobody is more acutely aware of this than Dara Katz and Betsy Kenney, two comedians who met doing improv comedy and have just made their Comedy Crib debut with the hilarious ’90s TV throwback series, The Place We Live.

IFC: How would you describe “The Place We Live” to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

Dara: It’s everything you loved–or loved to hate—from Melrose Place and 90210 but condensed to five minutes, funny (on purpose) and totally absurd.

IFC: How would you describe “The Place We Live” to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Betsy: “Hey Todd, why don’t you have a sip of water. Also, I think you’ll love The Place We Live because everyone has issues…just like you, Todd.”

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IFC: When you were living through the ’90s, did you think it was television’s golden age or the pop culture apocalypse?


Betsy: I wasn’t sure I knew what it was, I just knew I loved it!


Dara: Same. Was just happy that my parents let me watch. But looking back, the ’90s honored The Teen. And for that, it’s the golden age of pop culture. 

IFC: Which ’90s shows did you mine for the series, and why?

Betsy: Melrose and 90210 for the most part. If you watch an episode of either of those shows you’ll see they’re a comedic gold mine. In one single episode, they cover serious crimes, drug problems, sex and working in a law firm and/or gallery, all while being young, hot and skinny.


Dara: And almost any series we were watching in the ’90s, Full House, Saved By the Bell, My So Called Life has very similar themes, archetypes and really stupid-intense drama. We took from a lot of places. 

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IFC: How would you describe each of the show’s characters in terms of their ’90s TV stereotype?

Dara: Autumn (Sunita Mani) is the femme fatale. Robin (Dara Katz) is the book worm (because she wears glasses). Candace (Betsy Kenney) is Corey’s twin and gives great advice and has really great hair. Corey (Casey Jost) is the boy next door/popular guy. Candace and Corey’s parents decided to live in a car so the gang can live in their house. 
Lee (Jonathan Braylock) is the jock.

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Dara: Because everyone’s feeling major ’90s nostalgia right now, and this is that, on steroids while also being a totally new, silly thing.

Delight in the whole season of The Place We Live right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib. It’ll take you back in all the right ways.