DID YOU READ

Keep Portland Woolly: The 2012 West Coast Beard and Mustache Championships

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Yes, I know this is the blog for “Portlandia,” not “Whisker Wars.” What’s more Portlandian than a big ol’ bushy beard, though? The only thing that comes closest to screaming “I’m from Portland” more is a ridiculous mustache.

It’s no surprise, then, that the Crystal Ballroom would be absolutely packed at 3 p.m. on a Saturday for the 2012 West Coast Beard and Mustache Championships. Over 100 fiercely hirsute men and, yes, women from Portland and elsewhere (Austin represented particularly hard), along with an audience of hundreds more face-fuzz fanatics, gathered inside the elegant concert hall on January 21 to determine who is truly the hairiest of them all. Hosted by the Stumptown Stash and Beard Collective, the competition awarded prizes — specifically, plaques adorned with beaver skulls (fake beaver skulls, host Justin Cate assured the crowd) — in a dozen categories, including Best Natural Mustache, Best Chops, Best Freestyle Beard and, for the ladies, Best “Stashy Stachette” and Best “Bearded Beauty.”

As you’ll see in the pics below, presentation was key, but for the most part, the judges — Portland luminaries Brian Adrian Koch of Blitzen Trapper, Voodoo Doughnut’s Tres Shannon, “entertainer” Rocket Ship and man about town/”Portlandia” guest star Jedediah Aaker — kept it all about the purity and ingenuity of the ‘stache and/or beard itself.

Host Justin Cate, president of the Stumptown Stash and Beard Collective. When not emceeing, he competes in the Best Beard Over 1 Foot category.


The Judges: Rocket Ship, Brian Adrian Koch, Tres Shannon, Jedediah Aaker, and the Severed Head of Wham!-Era George Micheal.


The competitors in Best Beard Under 1 Foot.


The crowd at the Crystal Ballroom. What do you call facial hair groupies? Whiskerites? Stache-a-maniacs? Furries? Definitely not furries.


Auto-stache (shaped like a wrench, BTW), Steampunk-stache, Zombie-stache.


Make Love, Not War! Grow Beards, Not Germs for Biological Weapons! Eh, doesn’t have the same ring to it.


Jack Passion, a cast member from the first season of “Whisker Wars” and the “Muhammad Ali of bearding.”


There’s a staaaaaarfiiiiiish/Waiting in my beard!


Octo-Beard!


In competitive mustaching, size matters…even for the women.


Post-Apocalypse Beard, complete with feral child.


Ladies and gentlemen, Sam Elliott!


Ladies and gentlemen, the Lorax!


Ladies and gentlemen, Stromboli from “Pinnochio”!


Is it getting hairy in here, or is it just me?


The happiest man in Beardtown.



Cowboy-stache.


After the award ceremony was a ceremony of a different kind, as Steve Scarpa and Savannah Flansburg tied the knot in front of a few hundred of their furriest friends.

(Photos by Matthew Singer)

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”


Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”


But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.

via GIPHY

It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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