Kazaam

Drop the Mic

The 10 Worst Fictional Rappers

Find out how Marc deals with his rapping roommate on a brand new Maron this Wednesday at 9P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

The musical equivalent of a terrible improv comedy show, lousy rappers act as the nails on the chalkboard of artistic expression. Instead of dope rhymes, we get a waste of time, listening to wannabes vomit verbal slime. (See how easy it is?!) Some of the best so-bad-they’re good rhymes come courtesy of fake rappers from the ’90s, that decade when everyone thought all you needed to do to be a hip hop MC was grab a mic and talk over a beat. In honor of Marc’s new rapping roommate Trey (Chet Hanks) on Maron, check out some fictional rappers who should’ve dropped the mic before they opened their mouths.

10. Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman, Malibu’s Most Wanted

Jamie Kennedy played the world’s whitest rapper in this flop comedy that tried to spoof Eight Mile, and ended up spoofing itself.


9. The Leprechaun, Leprechaun: In The Hood

You know with a title like Leprechaun: In The Hood, it was only a matter of time before the minuscule monster took to the mic and laid down some awful rhymes. And boy did he not disappoint.


8. Barney The Master Rapper, Fruity Pebbles commercial

You know your new sound has gone mainstream when Saturday morning cartoon characters start aping it to sell breakfast cereal.


7. Kazaam the Rapping Genie

This clip tries to answer the age-old question: who would you rather listen to rap, a ten-year-old white kid or a NBA player pretending to be a genie? The answer, unsurprisingly, is neither.


6. Sgt. Friday and Det. Streebek, “City of Crime” from Dragnet

Before Chet Hanks laid down some rhymes on Maron, his pop Tom made a hip hop video with Dan Aykroyd for their 1987 Dragnet remake. Too bad “City of Crime” was Tom Hanks’ one and only rap video. Check out those dance moves.


5. David Silver, Beverly Hills 90210

Brian Austin Green had a short-lived hip hop career in the ’90s, thanks in no small part to the rhymes he laid down as David Silver on Beverly Hills, 90210. Really though, is David’s flow any worse than ’90s Canadian rapper Snow?


4. Grandmaster B, Married With Children

Grandmaster B apparently came out of Bud Bundy actor David Faustino rapping around the set, and the Married With Children writers finding it hysterical, much to the young MC’s surprise.


3. Bart Simpson, “Do the Bartman”

A relic from the days when Simpsons-mania first swept the nation, Bart’s single “Do the Bartman” topped the charts for a brief period in 1990. Listen carefully and you’ll hear Bart super fan Michael Jackson singing back-up vocals.


2. Mc Skat Kat

First coming to fame in the Paula Abdul “Opposites Attract” video, animated hip hop feline MC Skat Kat somehow scored his own album, The Adventures of MC Skat Kat and the Stray Mob, in 1991. Paula Abdul appeared in the video for the “Skat Strut,” a low point in her career, which is saying a lot.


1. MC Steve Urkel, Family Matters

Everything about this clip screams 1990s. First you’ve got Urkel, the uber nerd who turned Family Matters from a family sitcom into a show about robots and love potions through sheer force of will. Then there’s the awful rapping, and the very special message, in this case against gun violence. And, just for good measure, there’s a Freddie Prinze Jr. cameo, just to bring it home. Ah, the ’90s, you sideburn wearing, hippity hop-aping decade. We miss you.

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SO EXCITED!!!

Reminders that the ’90s were a thing

"The Place We Live" is available for a Jessie Spano-level binge on Comedy Crib.

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Unless you stopped paying attention to the world at large in 1989, you are of course aware that the ’90s are having their pop cultural second coming. Nobody is more acutely aware of this than Dara Katz and Betsy Kenney, two comedians who met doing improv comedy and have just made their Comedy Crib debut with the hilarious ’90s TV throwback series, The Place We Live.

IFC: How would you describe “The Place We Live” to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

Dara: It’s everything you loved–or loved to hate—from Melrose Place and 90210 but condensed to five minutes, funny (on purpose) and totally absurd.

IFC: How would you describe “The Place We Live” to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Betsy: “Hey Todd, why don’t you have a sip of water. Also, I think you’ll love The Place We Live because everyone has issues…just like you, Todd.”

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IFC: When you were living through the ’90s, did you think it was television’s golden age or the pop culture apocalypse?


Betsy: I wasn’t sure I knew what it was, I just knew I loved it!


Dara: Same. Was just happy that my parents let me watch. But looking back, the ’90s honored The Teen. And for that, it’s the golden age of pop culture. 

IFC: Which ’90s shows did you mine for the series, and why?

Betsy: Melrose and 90210 for the most part. If you watch an episode of either of those shows you’ll see they’re a comedic gold mine. In one single episode, they cover serious crimes, drug problems, sex and working in a law firm and/or gallery, all while being young, hot and skinny.


Dara: And almost any series we were watching in the ’90s, Full House, Saved By the Bell, My So Called Life has very similar themes, archetypes and really stupid-intense drama. We took from a lot of places. 

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IFC: How would you describe each of the show’s characters in terms of their ’90s TV stereotype?

Dara: Autumn (Sunita Mani) is the femme fatale. Robin (Dara Katz) is the book worm (because she wears glasses). Candace (Betsy Kenney) is Corey’s twin and gives great advice and has really great hair. Corey (Casey Jost) is the boy next door/popular guy. Candace and Corey’s parents decided to live in a car so the gang can live in their house. 
Lee (Jonathan Braylock) is the jock.

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Dara: Because everyone’s feeling major ’90s nostalgia right now, and this is that, on steroids while also being a totally new, silly thing.

Delight in the whole season of The Place We Live right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib. It’ll take you back in all the right ways.

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New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

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Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

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IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon.

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number!

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time.

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by.

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IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo.

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim.

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t?

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?”

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud.

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

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Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

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Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

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And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.