Good Job

5 Jobs You Probably Didn’t Know Bill Hader Once Had


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Bill Hader is quickly becoming one of the biggest names in comedy, thanks to post-SNL star turns in Trainwreck, and IFC’s Documentary Now! But there was a time, before Stefon made him a household name, when he was a just another kid finding his way in life. Unlike some of his peers, it took him years to discover his talent for comedy. In the meantime, he worked a long slog of bizarre jobs that had him crossing paths with everyone from a washed up Frog Brother to a perverted Terminator. Thankfully, he isn’t shy about sharing those stories. Before you catch this week’s brand new episode of Documentary Now!, check out a few of the strange jobs Bill took on his way to stardom.

1. Movie Theater Usher Who Spoiled the Ending of Titanic

Titanic - Frozen Jack

Hader worked as an usher at a theater while attending Scottsdale Community College in Arizona. As he revealed in a recent interview, he would often get fed up with the obnoxious moviegoers. One time, a group of sorority girls were blocking the exit and being really rude, so he tore up their tickets and told them, “The boat sinks, Leo dies, the old lady — that’s Kate Winslet — she has a jewel and she throws in the water at the end, so that’s where that goes!'” Hader said his stoner boss had no choice but to fire him for ruining the end of Titanic.

2. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Assistant on Collateral Damage


Hader served as the former Governator’s personal assistant in a Mexican jungle while shooting the action flop Collateral Damage. As he told author Mike Sacks in the book Poking a Dead Frog, he mostly remembers fighting to get Schwarzenegger to set on time. At the time, Arnold was obsessed with learning chess, and preferred to stay in his trailer and play with an instructor for hours on end. Frustrated, Hader started slipping the chess teacher notes that said “Lose!” in order to get Arnie to set. It worked for a bit, until Arnold asked to read one of the slips of paper, and then just muttered, “we play another game.”

3. Crew Member on the First Season of The Surreal Life


Hader worked in post-production on the depressing debut season of The Surreal Life, and still has regrets about it. During the wrap party for the show, a nervous Corey Feldman offered him $2,000 to bring a cut of the show to his house before it was turned in to the network, so he and his lawyers could review it. Tipsy, Hader responded, “Corey, you don’t have $2,000.” Everyone laughed, but Hader quickly realized what a jerk he’d been.

4. Chauffeur for the “Sweep the Leg” Guy from The Karate Kid


Hader told Marc Maron on his WTF podcast that one of the first jobs he had in LA was driving around Martin Kove, aka the leader of the Cobra Kai dojo in The Karate Kid, while he was filming some lousy B-movieApparently, Kove got Hader lost on purpose so he could actually read the script before getting to set. Hader got in hot water with his boss for showing up late with the “star,” and so on the way home, Kove tried to make it up to Bill by offering to buy him a McDonald’s milkshake and cookie. So Hader stopped at a McDonald’s, but when Kove came out of the restaurant, he treated poor Bill like Daniel-san and ate the cookie and drank the milkshake right in front of him and told him to just drive. Hader described it as a “weird mind f*ck,” and his first “welcome to Hollywood” moment.

5. Coffee Guy for Porn Stars


Hader worked for a time on a call-in sex show for the Playboy channel called Night Calls. Two porn star hosts would field calls from home viewers, who would share their fantasies that would be enacted by other porn stars. You know, good ol’ fashioned entertainment. Hader’s friend who got him the gig warned him that while the show sounded awesome, working there was a “total bummer.” Hader’s job was mainly bringing the porn stars coffee and magazines, and getting them ready to act out the fantasies. He quit after two or three shows, in an effort to avoid disappointing his parents.

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Documentary Now! Robert Evans Mansion

The Reel Deal

Everything You Need To Know About “Mr. Runner Up” Inspiration Robert Evans

Watch the two-part finale of Documentary Now! this Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

In its upcoming two-part finale, Documentary Now! spoofs the crown jewel of docs: The Kid Stays In The Picture. It’s the autobiographical documentary about Robert Evans, the unlikely Hollywood mogul whose mix of self-aggrandizing bravado, classic good looks and extremely circumstantial good luck took him from being a salesman to an actor to the head of Paramount Pictures.

If you’ve never seen the film, it’s totally worth it. Rotten Tomatoes agrees, with a staggeringly-high approval rating. Watch it before, or watch it after — doesn’t matter. You’ll appreciate it whenever.

In the meantime, here’s a bit of background that will come in handy…

Robert Loves Robert

Robert Evans desk

USA Films/Everett Collection

Robert Evans is the ultimate Robert Evans fan. The movie was narrated by Robert Evans and based on his memoir of the same name. It is totally unbiased.

He’s Kind Of A Big Deal

Robert Evans, Chinatown
Paramount Pictures

Evans produced some of Hollywood’s true classics: Chinatown, Rosemary’s Baby, The Godfather, Love Story…the list goes on. Totally legit and amazing movies.

He’s Also Kind Of A Joke

Wag The Dog
New Line Cinema

Evans has been parodied in TV shows and movies like Entourage and Wag The Dog. He is the quintessential “producer” you already have in your head.

So Wrong He’s Right

Robert Evans Slap
20th Century Film Corp

Robert Evans is a notorious narcissist whose love of self is so blind and sincere that it’s actually adorable.

There’s Something Missing

via Giphy

Entire sections of Robert Evans’ life are left out of the documentary. Maybe it’s because of timing. Maybe it’s because real life isn’t a tidy narrative. Who knows.

He Blew It

Spider coke

Evans had a pretty spectacular fall from grace. He was convicted of cocaine trafficking in the early 80’s, and was connected to a contract killing during the production of The Cotton Club. Oops.

Losing Is For Losers

Everett Collection
Everett Collection

In the Robert Evans mythology, all tragedies are just triumphs in disguise, and every story has a happy ending…for Robert Evans.

Bill Hader Jerry Wallach

With these simple facts in hand you are now prepared to thoroughly enjoy the two-part finale of Documentary Now! starting this Wednesday at 10/9c on IFC.

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Weird Roles

Anthony Michael Hall’s Most Rotten Movies

Catch Anthony Michael Hall in Weird Science on Friday at 8P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Universal/Everett Collection

Anthony Michael Hall was the quintessential ’80s nerd. We love him in classics like The Breakfast Club and National Lampoon’s Vacation. But even the brainiest among us has his weak spots. In honor of Weird Science airing this Rotten Friday, we analyze Hall’s worst movies.

Weird Science (1985) 56%

A low point for John Hughes, Weird Science is way too wacky for its own good. Anthony Michael Hall’s Gary and his pal Wyatt (Ilan Mitchell-Smith) create the “perfect woman.” Supernatural chaos ensues. The film costars a young Bill Paxton, floppy disks, and a general disconnect from all reality.

The Caveman’s Valentine (2001) 46%

This ambitious drama starring Samuel L. Jackson couldn’t live up to its rich premise. Jackson plays Romulus, a Juilliard-educated, paranoid schizophrenic who lives in a cave. Hall co-stars as Bob, a rich man, who wants to see Romulus play the piano. The plot centers around Romulus investigating a murder, but with so much going on, the movie never quite finds its rhythm.

All About the Benjamins (2002) 30%

Ice Cube plays a bounty hunter who teams up with Mike Epps’ con man to catch diamond thieves. Hall plays Lil J, a small-time drug dealer. It’s definitely a role we’ve never seen Hall in, but overall the movie isn’t funny or original enough to justify its violence.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001) 11%

This showcase for Tom Green’s goofy gross-out comedy is often hailed as one of the worst films of all time. Green plays Gord, a 20-something slacker, who dreams of having his own animated series. Hall is Dave Davidson, a CEO of an animation studio who eventually helps Gord find success. Too bad Tom Green wasn’t so lucky.

Johnny Be Good (1988) 0%

Hall plays against type as Johnny Walker, a star quarterback. Robert Downey Jr. is his best friend and Uma Thurman plays his devoted girlfriend. Despite the support of a future A-list cast, the movie lacks central conflict and charm. Or, as TV Guide put it, “Johnny be worthless.” Ouch.

Catch the “Too Rotten to Miss” Weird Science this Friday at 8P on IFC.

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Season 6: Episode 1: Pickathon

Binge Fest

Portlandia Season 6 Now Available On DVD

The perfect addition to your locally-sourced, artisanal DVD collection.

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End of summer got you feeling like:

Portlandia Toni Screaming GIF

Ease into fall with Portlandia‘s sixth season. Relive the latest exploits of Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein’s cast of characters, including Doug and Claire’s poignant breakup, Lance’s foray into intellectual society, and the terrifying rampage of a tsukemen Noodle Monster! Plus, guest stars The Flaming Lips, Glenn Danzig, Louis C.K., Kevin Corrigan, Zoë Kravitz, and more stop by to experience what Portlandia is all about.

Pick up a copy of the DVD today, or watch full episodes and series extras now on IFC.com and the IFC app.

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