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Good Job

5 Jobs You Probably Didn’t Know Bill Hader Once Had

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Bill Hader is quickly becoming one of the biggest names in comedy, thanks to post-SNL star turns in Trainwreck, and IFC’s Documentary Now! But there was a time, before Stefon made him a household name, when he was a just another kid finding his way in life. Unlike some of his peers, it took him years to discover his talent for comedy. In the meantime, he worked a long slog of bizarre jobs that had him crossing paths with everyone from a washed up Frog Brother to a perverted Terminator. Thankfully, he isn’t shy about sharing those stories. Before you catch this week’s brand new episode of Documentary Now!, check out a few of the strange jobs Bill took on his way to stardom.


1. Movie Theater Usher Who Spoiled the Ending of Titanic

Titanic - Frozen Jack

Hader worked as an usher at a theater while attending Scottsdale Community College in Arizona. As he revealed in a recent interview, he would often get fed up with the obnoxious moviegoers. One time, a group of sorority girls were blocking the exit and being really rude, so he tore up their tickets and told them, “The boat sinks, Leo dies, the old lady — that’s Kate Winslet — she has a jewel and she throws in the water at the end, so that’s where that goes!'” Hader said his stoner boss had no choice but to fire him for ruining the end of Titanic.


2. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Assistant on Collateral Damage

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Hader served as the former Governator’s personal assistant in a Mexican jungle while shooting the action flop Collateral Damage. As he told author Mike Sacks in the book Poking a Dead Frog, he mostly remembers fighting to get Schwarzenegger to set on time. At the time, Arnold was obsessed with learning chess, and preferred to stay in his trailer and play with an instructor for hours on end. Frustrated, Hader started slipping the chess teacher notes that said “Lose!” in order to get Arnie to set. It worked for a bit, until Arnold asked to read one of the slips of paper, and then just muttered, “we play another game.”


3. Crew Member on the First Season of The Surreal Life

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Hader worked in post-production on the depressing debut season of The Surreal Life, and still has regrets about it. During the wrap party for the show, a nervous Corey Feldman offered him $2,000 to bring a cut of the show to his house before it was turned in to the network, so he and his lawyers could review it. Tipsy, Hader responded, “Corey, you don’t have $2,000.” Everyone laughed, but Hader quickly realized what a jerk he’d been.


4. Chauffeur for the “Sweep the Leg” Guy from The Karate Kid

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Hader told Marc Maron on his WTF podcast that one of the first jobs he had in LA was driving around Martin Kove, aka the leader of the Cobra Kai dojo in The Karate Kid, while he was filming some lousy B-movieApparently, Kove got Hader lost on purpose so he could actually read the script before getting to set. Hader got in hot water with his boss for showing up late with the “star,” and so on the way home, Kove tried to make it up to Bill by offering to buy him a McDonald’s milkshake and cookie. So Hader stopped at a McDonald’s, but when Kove came out of the restaurant, he treated poor Bill like Daniel-san and ate the cookie and drank the milkshake right in front of him and told him to just drive. Hader described it as a “weird mind f*ck,” and his first “welcome to Hollywood” moment.


5. Coffee Guy for Porn Stars

Playboy

Hader worked for a time on a call-in sex show for the Playboy channel called Night Calls. Two porn star hosts would field calls from home viewers, who would share their fantasies that would be enacted by other porn stars. You know, good ol’ fashioned entertainment. Hader’s friend who got him the gig warned him that while the show sounded awesome, working there was a “total bummer.” Hader’s job was mainly bringing the porn stars coffee and magazines, and getting them ready to act out the fantasies. He quit after two or three shows, in an effort to avoid disappointing his parents.

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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