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Short Scares

13 Terrifying Vignettes From Horror Anthology Movies

CREEPSHOW, Ted Danson, Leslie Nielsen, 1982, (c) Warner Brothers/courtesy Everett Collection

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Anthology horror movies make the most of the format: quickly sketched characters can service a 20-minute story. And a compelling gimmick only needs to hold your attention for the time it takes to tell a short story. Some filmmakers understand how to grab an audience and make an impression with a creepy vignette. To get you ready for IFC’s new anthology series Documentary Now!, here are some of the most memorable vignettes from a few of our favorite scary movies. (Note: some trailers might be NSFW, unless you work in a haunted house.)

13. Trilogy of Terror (1975) – “Amelia”

This made-for-TV movie boasts one helluva gimmick: Karen Black in three suspenseful stories penned by horror-master Richard Matheson (I Am Legend, Twilight Zone). In the final chapter Ms. Black plays a sexually repressed young woman who is under attack from a Zuni fetish doll. This very ’70s segment is clearly the best vignette in the movie, as it was the only one to be parodied on The Simpsons’ “Treehouse of Horror.”


12. V/H/S 2 (2013) – “Safe Haven”

The found footage trope can be hit-or-miss, but Timo Tjahjanto and Gareth Evans make it work in this story of a small cult on the brink of “crossing over to the promised gates.” Without giving too much away, an undercover expose goes wrong and quickly becomes a nightmare full of gore and surprising twists. This bonkers 30-minute entry will make you think twice about joining a creepy religious cult.


11. Tales of Terror (1962) – “The Black Cat”

In the 1960s, Roger Corman produced seven films based (however loosely) on the writings of Edgar Allen Poe, including the anthology horror Tales of Terror. The film’s best entry pits the refined Vincent Price against slob Peter Lorre in a wine-tasting contest. The two actors play drunk beautifully and create a scene that’s funnier than anything Poe ever wrote. (This version was adapted for the screen by Richard Matheson.)


10. Trick ‘r Treat (2007) – “The Halloween School Bus Massacre”

Unlike the other movies on this list, Michael Dougherty’s Trick ‘r Treat isn’t a series of separate stories, but a Robert Altman-esque tapestry of interwoven narratives. The five chapters criss-cross throughout the two-hour movies, so it’s hard to isolate any one plot as the most memorable. That said, “The Halloween School Bus Massacre” might be the most upsetting. The story-within-a-story recounts the carefully plotted murder of eight disturbed children whose parents want them disposed of. Sure, it’s not as sexy as the Anna Paquin chapter, but it’s still damn good.


9. Creepshow (1982) – “Something to Tide You Over”

This George Romero and Stephen King collaboration was supposed to set the stage for a film adaptation of The Stand. 33 years later we still don’t have a movie version of King’s apocalyptic story, but we do have Ted Danson left to die on the beach. Presented in the style of an EC horror comic, the vignette stars Leslie Nielsen as a vengeful husband getting revenge on his cheating wife (played by Dawn of the Dead’s Gaylen Ross) and her accomplice (Danson). The murder is as cruel as it is simple: Sam Malone is buried up to his neck and given a fighting chance at holding his breath while the incoming tide drowns him. This was torture porn before torture porn was “cool.”


8. Nightmares (1983) – “The Benediction”

This video-store staple was a compilation of four episodes of a tv series (Darkroom) deemed “too intense for television.” Modern audiences might be surprised to see what couldn’t be broadcast back in the Reagan era. The standout segment stars cult favorite Lance Henriksen playing a troubled priest being stalked by an evil truck with tinted black windows. This segment is clearly inspired by the made-for-TV-movie Duel, Steven Spielberg’s truck movie which served as his blueprint for Jaws. In an odd coincidence, “The Benediction” was directed by Joseph Sargent, who later helmed Jaws: The Revenge. The trailer narration is also done by Percy Rodriguez who you’ll recognize as the voiceover guy from Jaws.


7. Dead of Night (1945) – “The Ventriloquist Dummy”

Some tropes are so played out it’s hard to believe there was a time when they were new. Can you imagine a horror movie where a clown isn’t evil? Or a monkey’s paw that doesn’t deliver sinister ironies? Today’s audiences safely assumed that ALL ventriloquist dummies are homicidal maniacs, but it must have been novel in the ’40s. Dead of Night isn’t the first film to showcase a creepy ventriloquist dummy — that honor probably goes to 1929’s The Great Gabbo. That said, the dummy chapter is one of the best remembered segments in the film.


6. ABCs of Horror (2013) – “J is for Jidai-geki”

Of the 26 short subjects in this anthology of terror, “J” might not be the best nor the scariest, but it is the most memorable. Yudai Yamaguchi’s vignette takes a familiar premise of samurai suicide and gives it a twist. The stylized look recalls Bill Plympton cartoons or MTV’s Liquid Television (in a good way!), and even though the story is inspired by the letter “J,” your reaction will be pure “WTF?”


5. Encounter with the Unknown (1973) – “Untitled Hole Chapter”

This Rod Serling-narrated docudrama presents a set of low-budget mysteries all supposedly based on true stories. (Or urban legends, as it turns out.) The most haunting of these tales centers on an ominous hole in the ground. When a young boy’s dog goes missing in the misty, moaning pit, the boy’s father goes after her and is scarred for life. While the amateurish performances resemble the dramatizations seen in Bigfoot movies of the period, the non-professional acting style gives the film a unique gravitas.


4. Chillerama (2011) – “The Diary of Anne Frankenstein”

This anthology plays like the poor man’s Grindhouse — instead of Tarantino and Rodriguez you get Adam Rifkin and Tim Sullivan. But Hatchet director Adam Green delivers an unforgettable segment with “The Diary of Anne Frankenstein.” (The title sounds like something from a Twitter hashtag war, though famed SNL writer Michael O’Donoghue made the same joke nearly 20 years earlier in SPIN magazine.) Anyway, Joel David Moore (the goofy guy from Shark Night 3D) steals the show as Hitler; instead of speaking actual German he goes through the segment speaking gibberish German. Following in the footsteps of Dr. Frankenstein, Hitler creates a super-soldier (using body parts) with unexpected results. Kane Hodder (best known for playing Jason Voorhees) co-stars as Meshugannah, the monster.


3. Night Gallery (1969) – “Eyes”

Rod Serling’s post-Twilight Zone horror series started with a two-hour pilot movie, the highlight is Steven Spielberg’s entry about a wealthy woman who blackmails her way into an eye transplant. Not surprising is Joan Crawford’s work as the heartless woman. But Serling really delivers by getting a lump-in-your-throat dramatic performance from Tom Bosley as the reluctant eye donor. This vignette was adapted from Serling’s book The Season to Be Wary, his only work that was created for the page and not the screen.


2. Tales from the Crypt (1972) – “…And All Through the House”

Like Creepshow, this movie is styled like a series of EC horror comics, except the stories really were adapted from an actual 1954 Vault of Horror comic book. The most unforgettable image is Santa Claus wielding an axe. It’s become a familiar trope today, thanks for movies like Silent Night, Deadly Night. (And the HBO remake from 1989.) Here, murderess Joan Collins fears for her life while an escaped psychopath stalks outside the house.


1. Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye (1985) – “The Ledge”

Another anthology film from Stephen King, released in a decade with 26 other King works adapted for film and television. So it’s understandable that some films are better remembered than others. Like “Something to Tide You Over,” the story centers around a cuckolded husband trapping his cheating wife and her lover. Here Kenneth McMillan (who King fans might recognize from Salem’s Lot) sends Robert Hays around the ledge of a Manhattan high-rise. Some of Cat’s Eye feels dated or silly, but this chapter will leave you feeling stressed. (Note: the trailer announces Cat’s Eye as Stephen King’s first original screenplay. But Creepshow came first.)

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Thank Azaria

Best. Characters. Ever.

Our favorite Hank Azaria characters.

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GIFs via Giphy

Hank Azaria may well be the most prolific voice and character actor of our time. The work he’s done for The Simpsons alone has earned him a permanent place in the pop culture zeitgeist. And now he’s bringing another character to the mainstream: a washed-up sports announcer named Jim Brockmire, in the aptly titled new series Brockmire.

We’re looking forward to it. So much so that we want to look backward, too, with a short-but-sweet retrospective of some of Azaria’s important characters. Shall we begin?

Half The Recurring Simpsons Characters

He’s Comic Book Guy. He’s Chief Wiggum. He’s Apu. He’s Cletus. He’s Snake. He’s Superintendent Chalmers. He’s the Sea Captain. He’s Kurt “Can I Borrow A Feeling” Van Houten. He’s Professor Frink. He’s Carl. And he’s many more. But most importantly he’s Moe Szyslak, the staple character Azaria has voiced since his very first audition for The Simpsons.

Oh, and He’s Frank Grimes

For all the regular Simpsons characters Azaria has played over the years, his most brilliant performance may have been a one-off: Frank Grimes, the scrappy bootstrapper who worked tirelessly all his life for honest, incremental, and easily-undermined success. Azaria’s portrayal of this character was nuanced, emotional, and simply magical.

Patches O’Houlihan

Dodgeball is a “sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” as Hank Azaria generously points out in his brief but crucial cameo in Dodgeball. That’s sage wisdom. Try applying his “five D’s” to your life on and off the court and enjoy the results.

Harold Zoid

Of Futurama fame. The crazy uncle of Dr. Zoidberg, Harold Zoid was once a lion (or lobster) of the silver screen until Smell-o-vision forced him into retirement.

Agador

The Birdcage was significant for many reasons, and the comic genius of Hank Azaria’s character “Agador” sits somewhere towards the top of that list. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.

Gargamel

Nobody else could make a live-action Gargamel possible.

Ed Cochran

From Ray Donovan. Great character, great last name [editorial note: the author of this article may be bias].

Kahmunra, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln

All in the Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian, a file that let Azaria flex his voice acting and live-action muscles in one fell swoop.

The Blue Raja

Mystery Men has everything, including a fatal case of Smash Mouth. Azaria’s iconic superhero makes the shortlist of redeemable qualities, though.

Dr. Huff

Huff put Azaria in a leading role, and it was good. So good that there is no good gif of it. Internet? More like Inter-not.

Learn more about Hank Azaria’s newest claim to fame right here, and don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Flame Out

Brockmire and Other Public Implosions

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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There’s less than a month until the Brockmire premiere, and to say we’re excited would be an insulting understatement. It’s not just that it stars Hank Azaria, who can do no wrong (and yes, that’s including Mystery Men, which is only cringeworthy because of Smash Mouth). It’s that the whole backstory of the titular character, Jim Brockmire, is the stuff of legends. A one-time iconic sportscaster who won the hearts of fans and players alike, he fell from grace after an unfortunate personal event triggered a seriously public meltdown. See for yourself in the NSFW Funny or Die digital short that spawned the IFC series:

See? NSFW and spectacularly catastrophic in a way that could almost be real. Which got us thinking: What are some real-life sports fails that have nothing to do with botched athletics and everything to do with going tragically off script? The internet is a dark and dirty place, friends, but these three examples are pretty special and mostly safe for work…

Disgruntled Sports Reporter

His co-anchor went offsides and he called it like he saw it.

Jim Rome vs Jim “Not Chris” Everett

You just don’t heckle a professional athlete when you’re within striking distance. Common sense.

Carl Lewis’s National Anthem

He killed it! As in murdered. It’s dead.

To see more moments just like these, we recommend spending a day in your pajamas combing through the muckiness of the internet. But to see something that’s Brockmire-level funny without having to clear your browser history, check out the sneak peeks and extras here.

Don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Mirror, Mirror

Portlandia Season 7 In Hindsight

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available Online and on the IFC App.

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Another season of Portlandia is behind us, and oh what a season it was. We laughed. We cried. And we chuckled uncomfortably while glancing nervously around the room. Like every season before it, the latest Portlandia has held a mirror up to ridiculousness of modern American life, but more than ever that same mirror has reflected our social reality in ways that are at once hysterical and sneakily thought-provoking. Here are just a few of the issues they tackled:

Nationalism

So long, America, Portland is out! And yes, the idea of Portland seceding is still less ludicrous than building a wall.

Men’s Rights

We all saw this coming. Exit gracefully, dudes.

Protests

Whatever you stand for, stand for it together. Or with at least one other person.

Free Love

No matter who we are or how we love, deep down we all have the ability to get stalky.

Social Status

Modern self-esteem basically hinges on likes, so this isn’t really a stretch at all.

These moments are just the tip of the iceberg, and much more can be found in the full seventh season of #Portlandia, available right now #online and on the #IFC app.

via GIPHY

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