DID YOU READ

10 of Joel McHale’s ‘Classic Wingers’ From Community

Jeff Winger

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Jeff Winger is a mentor. A life coach. No, a sage. He’s full of sound wisdom and isn’t afraid to share it with those in need…no matter the cost it might inflict on his pupil’s, shall we say, ego. As he admits in one of his “classic Wingers,” he’s “an exceptional narcissistic.”

It’s often difficult to separate Joel McHale from his Community counterpart; Winger seems born from the depths of the comedian’s subconscious. But we’re going to have to in the coming week, since McHale is guesting on Comedy Bang! Bang! this Friday. We’re sure he’ll make his performance his own, but we’re also positive some of his Winger-isms will leak out of the woodworks.

In anticipation of McHale’s guesting on the show this Friday at 11 pm EST, here are some of his best quotes, pieces of advice and classic zingers, er, “wingers.”

1. “What’s the complex called when you’re wrong about everything?”

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Winger knows everything about everything. That’s why his ego is so big. But in-depth knowledge of the world’s inner workings comes at a price. Everyone else is so inferior that it seems like a mental complex.


2. “For your information, I don’t have an ego. My Facebook photo is a landscape.”

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Oops! We were wrong — Jeff Winger does not have an ego. Why would you even suggest something so heinous? That’s crazy! After all, just look at his Facebook profile. You can tell a lot about a man from his Facebook page. Like, for instance, that he takes a great deal of pride in his perfectly framed landscape photo.


3. “With all due respect…which is none…go to hell!”

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What’s great about Winger is his musical sensibilities. His words have their own unique sounds. His longer phrasing is poignant and well thought out, but sometimes the occasion calls for something sharp, quick and concise. Like whenever he’s talking to Pierce, for instance.


4. “You’re going to have to come back later. I’m trying to prove a point.”

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Winger is the master of getting rid of people quickly. If you ever need to pull off the same feat without explaining yourself, think of Winger. Though, in this particular instance, he’s probably bedazzling everyone within a five-foot radius with his fierce eyelashes.


5. “Wrong! WROOONG!”

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One word. It rhymes with schlong, and it’s what you always are. But as Winger demonstrates, it’s not about the product in this case. It’s about how you sell it.


6. “Is there a pill that makes the word ‘no’ clearer?”

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If the person you’re talking to is basic, sometimes “no” isn’t enough. You have to strip them of all their dignity, resolve and sense of self in 10 words or less. How does one accomplish this? It’s an art form that can’t be taught to everyone.


7. “I am so amazing. But I’m not perfect.

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For as incredible as Winger is, he’s not perfect. I mean, as far as we’re concerned, he can walk on water. That doesn’t mean the pressure doesn’t get to the man who’s given the world so much sass. It’s not easy being the divine conduit through which the world gets its steady stream of insults.


8. “Oh hey, is that a reason to leave?”

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Biggest life lesson from Winger: become so adept at the spoken word that you can manipulate those around you. Need them to turn around? It’s all about confidence and determination, mixed with a side of “get the f*ck out of my face.”


9. “Will your reality ever come out on Blu-ray so we can enjoy it?”

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If you’re like Winger, you’re one of the few people out there who sees the world as it truly is: a world where you’re awesome and everyone else is lame. There are those heretics who claim otherwise, and you can do your best to tolerate them. But at the end of the day, their realities will never make it to a Blu-ray release.


10. “It’s called chemistry. I have it with everybody!”

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We expect whatever comes next to sound something like, “I’m sorry everyone is so jealous of me, but I can’t help it that I’m popular.” You either have it or you don’t. If you have to force it, sorry, folks, you’re just not a Winger.

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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