DID YOU READ

10 of Joel McHale’s ‘Classic Wingers’ From Community

Jeff Winger

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Jeff Winger is a mentor. A life coach. No, a sage. He’s full of sound wisdom and isn’t afraid to share it with those in need…no matter the cost it might inflict on his pupil’s, shall we say, ego. As he admits in one of his “classic Wingers,” he’s “an exceptional narcissistic.”

It’s often difficult to separate Joel McHale from his Community counterpart; Winger seems born from the depths of the comedian’s subconscious. But we’re going to have to in the coming week, since McHale is guesting on Comedy Bang! Bang! this Friday. We’re sure he’ll make his performance his own, but we’re also positive some of his Winger-isms will leak out of the woodworks.

In anticipation of McHale’s guesting on the show this Friday at 11 pm EST, here are some of his best quotes, pieces of advice and classic zingers, er, “wingers.”

1. “What’s the complex called when you’re wrong about everything?”

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Winger knows everything about everything. That’s why his ego is so big. But in-depth knowledge of the world’s inner workings comes at a price. Everyone else is so inferior that it seems like a mental complex.


2. “For your information, I don’t have an ego. My Facebook photo is a landscape.”

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Oops! We were wrong — Jeff Winger does not have an ego. Why would you even suggest something so heinous? That’s crazy! After all, just look at his Facebook profile. You can tell a lot about a man from his Facebook page. Like, for instance, that he takes a great deal of pride in his perfectly framed landscape photo.


3. “With all due respect…which is none…go to hell!”

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What’s great about Winger is his musical sensibilities. His words have their own unique sounds. His longer phrasing is poignant and well thought out, but sometimes the occasion calls for something sharp, quick and concise. Like whenever he’s talking to Pierce, for instance.


4. “You’re going to have to come back later. I’m trying to prove a point.”

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Winger is the master of getting rid of people quickly. If you ever need to pull off the same feat without explaining yourself, think of Winger. Though, in this particular instance, he’s probably bedazzling everyone within a five-foot radius with his fierce eyelashes.


5. “Wrong! WROOONG!”

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One word. It rhymes with schlong, and it’s what you always are. But as Winger demonstrates, it’s not about the product in this case. It’s about how you sell it.


6. “Is there a pill that makes the word ‘no’ clearer?”

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If the person you’re talking to is basic, sometimes “no” isn’t enough. You have to strip them of all their dignity, resolve and sense of self in 10 words or less. How does one accomplish this? It’s an art form that can’t be taught to everyone.


7. “I am so amazing. But I’m not perfect.

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For as incredible as Winger is, he’s not perfect. I mean, as far as we’re concerned, he can walk on water. That doesn’t mean the pressure doesn’t get to the man who’s given the world so much sass. It’s not easy being the divine conduit through which the world gets its steady stream of insults.


8. “Oh hey, is that a reason to leave?”

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Biggest life lesson from Winger: become so adept at the spoken word that you can manipulate those around you. Need them to turn around? It’s all about confidence and determination, mixed with a side of “get the f*ck out of my face.”


9. “Will your reality ever come out on Blu-ray so we can enjoy it?”

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If you’re like Winger, you’re one of the few people out there who sees the world as it truly is: a world where you’re awesome and everyone else is lame. There are those heretics who claim otherwise, and you can do your best to tolerate them. But at the end of the day, their realities will never make it to a Blu-ray release.


10. “It’s called chemistry. I have it with everybody!”

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We expect whatever comes next to sound something like, “I’m sorry everyone is so jealous of me, but I can’t help it that I’m popular.” You either have it or you don’t. If you have to force it, sorry, folks, you’re just not a Winger.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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