Voters seem to be responding to former congressman, John Clarkson’s record of avoiding Washington infighting, political scandal, and embarrassing gaffes by being in a coma for the last eight years.
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Onion News Network: President’s Approval Rating Soars After Punching Wall Street Banker in Face
As featured on last night's "Onion News Network" on IFC, President Obama is back on top after cleaning the clock of a smug Wall Street banker. more »
Brooke Alvarez Has All The Answers, Even About Particle Physics
One fan tries to stump Brooke with a tough question about the Hadron Collider, but Brooke isn't ruffled in the slightest. As a top-notch news personality, it's her job to know virtually everything. more »
Onion News Network Year In Review: Renewable Energy Source Encoded In Charlie Sheen’s Rants
Earlier this year, scientists found that Charlie Sheen's incomprehensible rants were actually a secret code for a formula to produce renewable energy. more »
Brooke Alvarez Explains Why There Are So Many People In Prison
The U.S. puts more people into prison than any other country and Brooke Alvarez gives us two possible explanations for why this is the case. more »
Onion News Network: Parents Keep Deceased Son’s Memory Alive Through His Awful Tumblr
When their son, Geoff, passed away, Mary and Steve Patterson decided to honor his memory by keeping up Geoff's Tumblr where he made fun of shitbirds, fatties, and asswipes. more »
Onion News Network: High Unemployment Linked To Increasing Number Of Face Tattoos
A new jobs report from the Department of Labor shows that Americans are out of work because 35% of them now have face tattoos and employers are reluctant to hire anyone who would willingly mar their face with tiger stripes. more »
