Getting Versed in Versus Movies

A look at the great mano a mano film title fisticuffs of all time.

The People vs. Larry Flynt (1996)
Directed by Milos Foreman
Winner: Larry Flynt

Milos Foreman’s 1996 film may have gone to great (and, some would say, absurdly laughable) lengths to cast porn titan Larry Flynt as, first and foremost, a champion of the first amendment. Nonetheless, there’s little question that this showdown between Flynt and Moral Majority head honcho Jerry Falwell (and his lawsuit) was a lopsided affair won, in a virtual knockout, by the Hustler mogul. Flynt’s Supreme Court victory paved the way for the past three decades’ worth of adult entertainment, which has — taking a cue from the trailblazing Flynt — merely gotten dirtier and more extreme as the years have passed. Visit any newsstand or even moderately sketchy web site, and you’re bound to come face-to-face with Flynt’s enduring, smutty legacy, the procession of beckoning, unclothed beauties (and somewhat less-than-beauties) all surrogate children of the porn publishing pioneer, and a testament to the fact that, in this free-speech contest, he most assuredly came out on, ahem, top.

“Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever” (2002)
Directed by Kaos (aka Wych Kaosayananda)
Winner: Draw

Fitting that “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever” is directed by Kaos, because this supposed showdown is a muddled mess. It’s also, regardless of its title, barely a showdown — aside from two rather underwhelming fights, the titular assassins (Antonio Banderas as Ecks; Lucy Liu as Sever) either don’t share screen time or work together against a common enemy who screwed them over in dastardly fashion. In this battle of the non-titans, Liu benefits from a delicious latex outfit as well as slow-motion firefights that makes her appear, depending on your vantage point, like either the coolest badass around or a dolt who’s clueless about the harm bullets can cause the human body. In Banderas’ favor, he gets to sport some noir-tough-guy stubble, smoke lots of cigarettes, and don a trenchcoat borrowed from “The Matrix”‘s Neo. Given that he’s treated as something more than just a blank action figure, it would seem that Ecks fares better in this dim-bulb Honk Kong action saga, except that Sever’s general muteness at least means that during her scenes we don’t have to pay attention to the script’s subpar dialogue. Call it a draw.

“Dracula vs. Frankenstein” (1971)
Directed by Al Adamson
Winner: Draw

It’s nearly impossible to determine the victor of 1971’s “Dracula vs. Frankenstein,” a B-movie abomination that does a disservice to the term “schlock.” The Prince of Darkness is brought low early, when he makes his introduction modeling an afro. It’s an inauspicious beginning, but at least the scene features the Count, something that can’t be said for large stretches of Al Adamson’s film, which proceeds to concentrate on some know-nothing girl’s search for her sister, who was decapitated by an evil Dr. Frankenstein in possession, thanks to Drac, of the original Frankenstein monster’s remains (don’t ask). After much inconsequential blah blah blah, the two heavyweights finally get down to brass tacks, though their scuffles seem to be aiming for a realistic depiction of how two age-old monsters might actually move — which is to say, very slowly and awkwardly. In his last screen performance, Lon Chaney Jr. gets to wear pitiful Frankenstein make-up, while as Dracula, Zandor Vorkov barely bothers to even affect his fiend’s trademark Transylvanian accent. They appear to be battling for title of Horror’s Lamest, and unfortunately, they’re both equally deserving of the moniker.

[Additional photos: "Wife vs. Secretary," MGM, 1936; "Freddy vs. Jason," New Line, 2003; "Kramer vs. Kramer," Columbia Pictures, 1979; "Godzilla vs. Mothra," TriStar Pictures, 1992; "Earth Vs. the Flying Saucers," Columbia Pictures, 1956; "Alien Vs. Predator," 20th Century Fox, 2004; "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever," Warner Bros. Pictures, 2002; "Dracula vs. Frankenstein," Independent International Pictures, 1971]

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