All quiet at the Alamo Drafthouse.

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By Stephen Saito on 08/20/2009

Filed under: Watchy

My heart skipped a beat upon seeing a post on Jim Emerson's Scanners blog about the Alamo Drafthouse's stern onscreen warnings to anyone who dares to talk during a movie at any of the Austin, Texas theater chain's locations. For those who have been to the Drafthouse or anyone about to make the pilgrimage to the upcoming Fantastic Fest, one must understand that the only thing more sacred than being able to drink a bottle of Shiner Bock with your popcorn at the theater is the cinematic experience itself. And since the Drafthouse staff is populated by aspiring filmmakers and film geeks alike, one of the best parts of that experience are the public service announcements that protects it -- the trailers made by staffers that always end by cautioning in big block letters: "Don't Talk During the Movie or We'll Take Your Ass Out."

These trailers have come a long way since the days when the Alamo appropriated a clip from the 1973 thriller "Wipeout" for the trailer, showing a solemn Henry Silva heading up to a projection booth to gun down some rude mobsters in a movie theater. Nowadays, Michael Cera and Jonah Hill can be seen riffing on proper etiquette, George A. Romero will threaten the audience with being zombiefied, or worst of all, Chuck Norris will introduce his foot to your...well, you get the idea. While many of these trailers are still exclusive to the Austin area, we were able to find a few online that will give you a taste of how audiences are advised to keep quiet:

Fans of the doc "The King of Kong" will appreciate this trailer with "Donkey Kong" champ Steve Wiebe:

Danny DeVito was pursued by two Drafthouse patrons for his thoughts on rude moviegoers while signing bottles of his signature Limoncello at the Twin Liquors store in Austin:

One must know that video game pioneer and Austin resident Richard Garriott actually traveled into outer space, so he speaks from experience in this clip:

"World War Z" author (and Mel's kid) Max Brooks finishes off some undead and promotes the Dismember the Alamo Zombie Film Festival here:

And, saving the best for last, here's the late, great Texas Governor Ann Richards:

Tags: Alamo Drafthouse, Ann Richards, Chuck Norris, Danny DeVito, George A Romero, Jonah Hill, Max Brooks, Michael Cera, public service announcement, Richard Garriott, Steve Wiebe, The King of Kong, Wipeout

Davy Crockett

"Contrary to movie and legend, we now know that the defenders of the Alamo in the war for Texan independence — including Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie and William B. Travis — did not die under brilliant sunlight, defending their positions against hordes of Mexican infantry. Instead the Mexicans launched a pre-dawn attack, surmounting the walls in darkness, forcing a wild melee inside the fort before many of its defenders had even awoken.

In the book Exodus from the Alamo: The Anatomy of the Last Stand Myth, after deep research into recently discovered Mexican accounts and the forensic evidence, informs us that the traditional myth of the Alamo is even more off-base: most of the Alamo's defenders died in breakouts from the fort, cut down by Santa Anna's cavalry that had been pre-positioned to intercept the escapees.

The most startling aspect of this book is that most of the Texans, in two gallantly led groups, broke out of the fort after the enemy had broken in, and the primary fights took place on the plain outside. Still fighting desperately, the Texans' retreat was halted by cavalry, and afterward Mexican lancers plied their trade with bloodcurdling charges into the midst of the remaining resisters.

Notoriously, Santa Anna burned the bodies of the Texans who had dared stand against him. As this book proves in thorough detail, the funeral pyres were well outside the fort — that is, where the two separate groups of escapers fell on the plain, rather than in the Alamo itself."

The Alamo defenders did not stand-They Ran! as all of the evidence now suggests.