For Those About Barack (We Salute You)

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By Jim Shearer on 11/05/2008

Yesterday, millions and millions of Americans pressed touch-screens, flicked levers, and punched chads all in an attempt to Barack the Vote. Some smelled what Barack was cookin', others didn't. As results began coming in, we saw Barack around the clock, and vote by vote, he continued to Barack On. Could he actually pull this off?

At 9PM, Barack was ahead of McCain both in popular and electoral votes, leading his supporters to proclaim: "I Love Barack n' Roll" (put another dime in the jukebox baby!). Some once skeptical Americans, overcome by the excitement of the night, began swaying slightly to the left, singing, "I want to Barack with you all night!" Love was definitely in the air. Hmm, maybe Donnie Iris was right when he sang: Love is like Barack.

(left: Barack Hard Ride Free.)

At 10PM, the music got louder as excited Americans began to Barack the Night, singing some old Run-DMC classics, "Barack Box" and "King of Barack." (I think I also heard "Barackit" by Herbie Hancock and the Beastie Boys' first Def Jam single, "Barack Hard".)

The streets were soon flooded with Barack-Rock-Rock N' Roll High School kids showing their support by wearing their favorite punk-barack pins. Some older Americans in the crowd, who really thought it was going to be a long, long time until our country ever elected a black president, began humming Elton John's "Barack-et Man."

Then at 11PM it happened--party people, party people, can y'all get funky--America (as well as the rest of the world) became "Planet Barack". This was a Barack of Ages (still rollin', keep a-rollin'), yes indeed, some good ol' fashion Barack and Roll Hoochie Koo. Cars driving down 125th Street in Harlem could be heard blasting Block Barackin' Beats. Black people, white people, old people, and young people we're partying like a Barack Star. I even saw some guy, who coincidentally looked a lot like Fatboy Slim, bust out the Barackafeller Skank.

The greatest underdog story of our time, Baracky Balboa, did it! He Baracked you (me, and the rest of America) like a Hurricane. He Baracked the Casbah, Baracked the House, and Baracked this Town, Baracked it inside out. Even in the wee hours of the morning, if you listened closely, you could hear off the distance, the familiar boom-boom-bap, boom-boom-bap, with Americans excitedly singing, "WE WILL, WE WILL, BARACK YOU!"