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5 Movies From The Wachowskis That Are Too Rotten to Miss

Catch The Matrix Revolutions tonight at 8P during IFC's Rotten Fridays.

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The Wachowskis hold a unique place in Hollywood history thanks to The Matrix. Unfortunately, the rest of their filmography is another matter. While The Matrix is an undisputed classic (and their crime thriller Bound is highly underrated), they’ve never again approached such heights of storytelling. Instead, the rest of their filmography is a mishmash of overly ambitious failures and style before substance. Still, we can’t deny that even their failures have some downright entertaining moments. As IFC and Rotten Tomatoes team up to celebrate movies that are “too rotten to miss,” we thought we’d look back at five Wachowski movies that are eminently watchable in their lousiness.

5. Cloud Atlas

Cloud Atlas Tom Hanks
Warner Bros. Pictures

Cloud Atlas is probably the Wachowskis’ most ambitious movie to date, and also one of their best. Unfortunately, being one of their best doesn’t mean it’s very good. Based on the acclaimed novel by British author David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas tells the story of various characters’ interweaving roles in a narrative that spans the past, the present and the future. If that sounds vague and confusing, it’s because it is. While the book was a huge success based on digging deep into these characters’ realities, the movie takes a more superficial and often obvious approach. What’s left is a head scratcher full of Tom Hanks playing dress up. As with much of the Wachowksis’ work, there are a lot of interesting ideas buried in this movie, but they tend to collapse under the weight of all the gimmicks and miscues the filmmakers can’t seem to avoid.


4. Speed Racer

Speed Racer
Warner Bros. Pictures

The creators of The Matrix take on a beloved cult cartoon? What could go wrong? Well, judging by the $19 million this $120 million fiasco earned in its opening weekend, a lot. Less a movie than an assault on the senses, Speed Racer was supposed to be the Wachowskis’ comeback after their Matrix saga came off the rails. Things likes performance, character and plot are beside the point here. This is all about explosive CGI. Colors whizzing by. Streaks of light having sex with a rainbow on acid. It’s an overwhelming experience, but not necessarily a bad one. You feel swept away to a magical world of Day-Glo racecar drivers fighting for their shot. And then it keeps going. And going. And going. That wonder turns into a headache. That awe into an urge to vomit. It never lets up, or bothers to craft a story and characters interesting enough to make you want to keep the puke down long enough to see how it ends. The Wachowskis seem to have made exactly the movie they were going for here, but their instincts betray them yet again, leaving us with a sugar high hangover.


3. The Matrix Reloaded

Matrix Rave
Warner Bros. Pictures

Fans showed up in droves for The Matrix Reloaded, ready to pop the red pill and see where it took them. Unfortunately, the answer was no place they wanted to go. Instead, the rabbit hole led to a convoluted sequel that dropped the clear storyline of the first film for a impenetrable mess of self-indulgent world building and empty motivations. A diehard fan under extreme interrogation couldn’t coherently describe what this movie was about. There’s some albino twins and a guy who’s also a key? In the end, this was science fiction navel gazing at its worst. The Wachowskis got lost in the world they created, and forgot to ground the film in story, character and sanity. Plus, that rave scene is pretty ridiculous.


2. The Matrix Revolutions

Matrix Revolutions
Warner Bros. Pictures

When the first Matrix film was released in 1999, it was sold with the tagline “What is the Matrix?” By the time the head scratching sequels came and went, no one seemed to know or care anymore. If we’re being honest, do any of us even remember this movie? We went into Reloaded with sky-high expectation and were met with a thundering middle finger. This movie was a denouement of apathy, a $150 million shrug of the shoulders. When filmmakers feel the need to create complex mythology to explain a recast part, you know you’re probably in a bit of trouble. By the time the trilogy limps actors to the finish line, with the wizened Oracle basically admitting she has no idea what just happened, the audience found themselves repeating Keanu Reeves’ iconic catchphrase, “Whoa.” (Or more likely, “Whaaa??”) It’s the rotten nadir of the Matrix franchise, complete with some choice dazed Keanu-isms and endless scenes of characters spouting wisdom that seems to be gleaned from a Magic Eightball.


1. Jupiter Ascending

Jupiter Ascending
Warner Bros. Pictures

At a certain point, you can’t blame the Wachowskis alone for their incomprehensibly bad movies. You have to start questioning the men in suits who hand them hundreds of millions of dollars to make them. Whoever read the dense story of a mysterious queen of bees rescued by a buff dog/elf with hover rollerblades, and thought, now this one is going to be a hit, needs to rethink their line of work. This movie is so bad, it’s virtually become shorthand for movies that suck. There are too many issues to mention. Channing Tatum plays a half albino with dog DNA and a leather fetish, and looks ashamed the whole time. Eddie Redmayne puts on an overacting clinic that very nearly cost him his Oscar. Somehow, nearly every scene in this movie introduces a new plot that goes nowhere. It’s as if the Wachowskis threw everything AND the kitchen sink into their script, and then made the kitchen sink a part dog bounty hunter with floating space shoes! This is the type of movie that doesn’t just end careers, it ends studios. It’s also gradually picking up a cult following as a seriously “WTF” movie that is too rotten to miss.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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