Speed 2 Cruise Control Sandra Bullock

Sandy Passage

5 Too Rotten to Miss Sandra Bullock Movies

Catch the "too rotten to miss movie" Speed 2: Cruise Control Friday at 8P on IFC.

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Sandra Bullock has won an Oscar, a Blockbuster Entertainment Award (yes, that used to be a thing) and a Kid’s Choice Award. You don’t just stumble into success like that. You work for it. And Sandra Bullock works. Sometimes you get gems like While You Were Sleeping or The Heat, and sometimes you get the clunkers on this list.

With IFC and Rotten Tomatoes celebrating the “too rotten to miss” movie Speed 2: Cruise Control this Friday at 8P, we thought we’d look back at five Sandra Bullock movies that she probably wishes could be expunged from her IMDB record.

5. All About Steve

Sandra Bullock is so inherently likeable, she can make you fall in love with almost any character she plays. Almost. Mary Horowitz, the crossword puzzle writer with a pet hamster as a best friend, would prove to be her Waterloo. Less a character than a collection of quirks right out of the hack screenwriter handbook, Mary stomps through her movie, alienating every character she comes in contact with like a “manic pixie dreamgirl” on meth act.

The flimsy plot centers around Mary becoming obsessed with an uninterested man (Bradley Cooper), basically browbeating him (and his early ’00s spiky ‘do) into falling in love with her. Bullock famously won a Golden Raspberry for Worst Actress in All About Steve and then an Oscar for The Blind Side the next day, which has to be some sort of record. Currently sitting at 7% on Rotten Tomatoes, All About Steve has become a favorite among fans of star-studded trainwrecks.


4. Premonition

A low rent knockoff of other low rent movies, the 2007 spookfest Premonition (8% on Rotten Tomatoes!) has the feeling of a project everyone made with a shrug. In fact, Bullock had already made a movie about a woman trapped in two different time periods — the Keanu Reeves weepfest The Lake House, making this project all the more bewildering.

Was she just desperate to work with Nip/Tuck eyebrow plucker Julian McMahon? Or make a movie that feels like a fake trailer from another, better movie? If only Sandy had a premonition before signing on to this stinker…


3. Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous

Miss Congeniality 2
Warner Bros.

The first Miss Congeniality was a pitch perfect vehicle for Sandra’s talents. Its fish-out-of-water story of a FBI agent who goes undercover on the beauty pageant circuit was a bit predictable, but the script’s humor and amiable cast helped make it a surprise hit.

The sagging sequel, which scored only 15% on Rotten Tomatoes, assumes we love the character of FBI Agent Gracie Hart (Bullock) so much, we want to follow her on all her wacky adventures. Ditching the beauty pageant world, Hart has a new job, new partner and a new set of problems. The comedy is much broader and campier, and the film has little reason to exist beyond giving William Shatner an easy paycheck. Still, The Shat is always worth a couple chuckles.


2. The Net

Irwin Winkler, the legendary producer of Rocky and Goodfellas, took a big swing approach to predicting the future in this 1995 thriller, trying to tackle how the newfangled Information Superhighway was changing society and potentially ruining our lives.

Unfortunately, Winkler and the screenwriters used the framework of a laughably predictable conspiracy thriller, joining fellow ’90s tech thrillers Disclosure and Hackers in a sub-genre that looks as dated today as “The Rachel” haircut. If you like your thrillers filled with Times New Roman font and action at the speed of a 28.8Kbps modem, this relic from the AOL chatroom era might be for you.


1. Speed 2: Cruise Control

Speed 2
20th Century Fox/IFC Giphy

Removing the urgency of the iconic original, Speed 2: Cruise Control sets the action on a runaway cruise ship, ignoring the true horror of annoying tourists and backed up toilets for the smooth sailing terror of a boat going a little too fast.

Following the diminishing returns model of the Die Hard franchise, girl next door Annie (Bullock) was now delivering lines about how unlucky she was to find herself in the middle of yet another improbable terrorist attack. With Willem Dafoe hamming it up in the generic villain role, this is an example of bloated ’90s blockbuster-dom that is almost soothing in its rotten-ness.

Set sail with Speed 2: Cruise Control during IFC’s Rotten Fridays! 

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”


Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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GIFS via Giphy

On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”


But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.

via GIPHY

It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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