Die Hard 2

Are You a Hero?

10 Signs You’re an Action Movie Hero

Spend July 4th weekend with Die Hard, The Punisher and more action flicks on IFC.

Posted by on
Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox/Everett Collection

Being an action hero isn’t the easiest job in the world. You need to be comfortable putting your family in danger, killing indiscriminately and always keeping your hair picture perfect. It’s not for everyone.

With Die Hard, The Punisher and more high octane flicks airing as part of IFC’s July 4th action movie weekend, we got to thinking…who would really want the gig? Well, many of you out there might already be action heroes, and not even realize it. If you find yourself answering “yes” to any of the questions below, we’ve got some bad news for you: You’re an action movie star. So get the killer quips ready, because yippee ki yay, there’s no turning back from here.

10. Do you still have sparks with your ex-wife?

Die Hard
20th Century Fox

(Taken, Die Hard, 2012, True Lies)

Look, in real life there’s a reason your ex-wife is your ex. For some reason, though, if you’re an action star, not only do you want your ex back, but you want to make sweet, sensual love to her in the middle of a shootout. Nobody has sparks like bitter exes in an action movie. Sure, being in the middle of a death defying incident — like, say, your office Christmas party being overrun by terrorists — helps get the juices flowing. But if you find yourself seriously sweating your ex while swinging off of a skyscraper that’s about to blow up, there’s a decent chance you are an action movie hero.


9. Did you best friend/mentor die in your arms?

Star Wars
Lucasfilm Ltd.

(The Phantom Menace, Blade II, both Star Trek IIs

It’s hard enough when someone close to you passes away. But when they die in your arms, imparting one last bit of wisdom before they shuffle off this planet or one far, far away, it can be especially traumatizing. That said, if the tragic death of your mentor/best friend/partner just days away from retirement motivates you to seek revenge against the psycho who killed them, there’s a good chance that you’re either really unlucky, or a gun-toting action hero.


8. Have you ever gone native?

Avatar
20th Century Fox

(Avatar, District 9, John Carter of Mars, Dances With Wolves)

Most of us spend our days trying to decide between burritos or subs for lunch, but some people strike out into the world (or the universe) seeking adventure. If you’ve spent your life trying to tackle the next frontier, only to realize that the people who live there have a purer way of life, you might be that kid who spends a semester abroad and thinks they’re now experts on all things foreign, or you might be an action movie star about to turn against his own people. Just a heads up.


7. Are you a reckless scientist who has taken things too far?

Avengers Age of Ultron
Marvel Studios

(Prometheus, The Fly, Avengers: Age of Ultron)

In real life, scientists spend their days in underfunded labs, repeating monotonous tests over and over again in the hopes of pushing a theory into scientific fact with a slow and steady accumulation of data. But if you’re the type of scientist who creates sentient robots or teleportation devices in your eternal quest to feel like a god only to have said creation wreak havoc, well, I hate to break it to you, but you’re smack dab in the middle of a sci-fi action movie. Fingers crossed you’re the good guy this time.


6. Did you meet your significant other by saving their life?

Michael Biehn
Orion Pictures

(Terminator, the Bourne franchise, every Katherine Heigl “meet cute” action rom com)

We all know how annoying Tinder can be. But isn’t it better than meeting your soulmate as he or she’s being chased down by a killer robot? How healthy a relationship can you really have when all you do is run, screw or talk about time paradoxes? So, while dating online might suck, just keep in mind that if you met your boyfriend or the future mother of your child by saving their life, you’re probably an action star and in a toxic relationship.


5. Has your closest confidant turned against you?

Jon Voight
Paramount Pictures

(Iron Man, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Unbreakable, Mission: Impossible)

It’s hard enough to find someone who gets you and sticks by you no matter what. Maybe they’re a boss who’s always seen a little of themselves in you. Or maybe they’re the one person who has the exact answers you’re looking for about why you suddenly have super powers. Whatever the case may be, they’re often the only person you can trust, which makes it hurt all the more when they turn against you. More often than not, these supposed friends end up being the one behind all your problems. They’re out to get you, ruin your life, kill you. If you can’t get close to someone without them turning into a super villain, well, at least take solace in the fact that you’re the action star in the movie of your life.


4. Do you often speak in puns and catchphrases?

Arnold
TriStar Pictures

(Passenger 57, Live and Let Die, They Live, every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie)

It’s hard to always have the perfect thing to say in a tense situation. Most movie stars need a team of writers to come up with bon mots like “Hey, you wanna be a farmer? Here’s a couple of achers!” or “I’m gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent — to the blood bank!” It takes a certain level of bravado to punch out an alien and quip, “Welcome to Earth!” So if you find yourself constantly spouting the perfect quote for every situation, you might want to wonder why that is. Especially if it’s after killing someone. Why the hell are you killing someone and spouting a one-liner, unless you’re an action star?


3. Are you a retired killer looking for the quiet life?

Mark Wahlberg
Paramount Pictures

(A History of Violence, Shooter, Taken, Red

We’ve all had jobs we hated. Slinging fries at that fast food joint. Taking tickets at the local movie theater. Cleaning bathrooms at the diviest bar in town. But if you’re job used to involve killing people, something you vowed to never do again, well, that trumps that one summer you cleaned up puke at the amusement park. If there’s one thing we’ve learned from action movies, it’s that the quiet life never lasts for secret agents and trained assassins who’ve moved to a small town or some cabin in the woods. Your past always catches up with you, which is why we took that job at the pretzel stand in the mall, and didn’t become a CIA hitman.


2. Are you a loose cannon cop who doesn’t play by the rules?

Martin Riggs
Warner Bros.

(Lethal Weapon, Beverly Hills Cop, Bullitt, Die Hard)

We’re sure that most of the police officers reading this right now are diligent, honest and hard working, but there are probably a few that play fast and loose with the law. If you’re one of them, a cop who’s constantly getting reamed by his commanding officer for crashing cars and shooting up South African embassies, then you’re most likely an action hero. Because in real life you would have been canned years ago.


1. Have you ever walked away from an explosion?

Explosion
Columbia Pictures

(DesperadoX-Men Origins: Wolverine, The Rundown, Drive Angry, pretty much every action movie) 

Let’s be honest: most of us have never been within spitting distance of a giant fireball, and yet in action movies, these things seem to blow every few minutes. A car gets dinged up? It explodes. A gasoline drum gets knocked over? It explodes. What’s impressive about action heroes is, these things never seem to phase them. No matter how close they are to the flames, and these guys are hair singe-ingly close, they don’t flinch. If you’ve ever walked away from a giant explosion without peeing your pants, you’re probably a Grade-A action star. So congratulations, and good luck!

SAE SDCC 2017

SDCC OMG

Stan Diego Comic-Con

Stan Against Evil returns November 1st.

Posted by on
Photo Credit: Erin Resnick, GIFs via Giphy

Another Comic-Con International is in the can, and multiple nerdgasms were had by all – not least of which were about the Stan Against Evil roundtable discussion. Dana, Janet and John dropped a whole lotta information on what’s to come in Season 2 and what it’s like to get covered in buckets of demon goo. Here are the highlights.

Premiere Date!

Season 2 hits the air November 1 and picks up right where things left off. Consider this your chance to seamlessly continue your Halloween binge.

Character Deets!

Most people know that Evie was written especially for Janet, but did you know that Stan is based on Dana Gould’s dad? It’s true. But that’s where the homage ends, because McGinley was taken off the leash to really build a unique character.

Happy Accidents!

Improv is apparently everything, because according to Gould the funniest material happens on the fly. We bet the writers are totally cool with it.

Exposed Roots!

If Stan fans are also into Twin Peaks and Doctor Who, that’s no accident. Both of those cult classic genre benders were front of mind when Stan was being developed.

Trailer Treasure!

Yep. A new trailer dropped. Feast your eyes.

Catch up on Stan Against Evil’s first season on the IFC app before it returns November 1st on IFC.

Commuters_105_MPX-1920×1080

Grow TFU

Adulting Like You Mean It

Commuters makes its debut on IFC's Comedy Crib.

Posted by on

Jared Warner, Nick Ciavarella, and Tim Dean were once a part of Murderfist, a group of comedy writers, actors, producers, parents, and reluctant adults. Together with InstaMiniSeries’s Nikki Borges, they’re making their IFC Comedy Crib debut with the refreshingly-honest and joyfully-hilarious Commuters. The webseries follows thirtysomethings Harris and Olivia as they brave the waters of true adulthood, and it’s right on point.

Jared, Nick, Nikki and Tim were kind enough to answer a few questions about Commuters for us. Here’s a snippet of that conversation…

Commuters_106_MPX-1920x1080

IFC: How would you describe Commuters to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Nick: Two 30-somethings leave the Brooklyn life behind, and move to the New Jersey suburbs in a forced attempt to “grow up.” But they soon find out they’ve got a long way to go to get to where they want to be.

IFC: How would you describe Commuters to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jared: It’s a show about how f*cking stupid people who think they are smart can be.

IFC: What’s your origin story? When did you all meet and how long have you been working together?

Jared: Nick, Tim, and I were all in the sketch group Murderfist since, what, like 2004? God. Anyway, Tim and Nick left the group to pursue other frivolous things, like children and careers, but we all enjoyed writing together and kept at it. We were always more interested in storytelling than sketch comedy lends itself to, which led to our webseries Jared Posts A Personal. That was a show about being in your 20s and embracing the chaos of being young in the city. Commuters is the counterpoint, i guess. Our director Adam worked at Borders (~THE PAST!!~) with Tim, came out to a Murderfist show once, and we’ve kept him imprisoned ever since.

IFC: What was the genesis of Commuters?

Tim: Jared had an idea for a series about the more realistic, less romantic aspects of being in a serious relationship.  I moved out of the city to the suburbs and Nick got engaged out in LA.   We sort of combined all of those facets and Commuters was the end result.

IFC: How would Harris describe Olivia?

Jared: Olivia is the smartest, coolest, hottest person in the world, and Harris can’t believe he gets to be with her, even though she does overreact to everything and has no chill. Like seriously, ease up. It doesn’t always have to be ‘a thing.’

IFC: How would Olivia describe Harris?

Nikki:  Harris is smart, confident with a dry sense of humor but he’s also kind of a major chicken shit…. Kind of like if Han Solo and Barney Rubble had a baby.

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Nikki:  I think this is the most accurate portrayal of what a modern relationship looks like. Expectations for what your life is ‘supposed to look like’ are confusing and often a let down but when you’re married to your best friend, it’s going to be ok because you will always find a way to make each other laugh.

IFC: Is the exciting life of NYC twentysomethings a sweet dream from which we all must awake, or is it a nightmare that we don’t realize is happening until it’s over?

Tim: Now that i’ve spent time living in the suburbs, helping to raise a two year old, y’all city folk have no fucking clue how great you’ve got it.

Nikki: I think of it similar to how I think about college. There’s a time and age for it to be glorious but no one wants to hang out with that 7th year senior. Luckily, NYC is so multifaceted that you can still have an exciting life here but it doesn’t have to be just what the twentysomethings are doing (thank god).

Jared: New York City is a garbage fire.

See the whole season of Commuters right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

BVSS-106-Stitching-web2

C'mon Fellas

A Man Mansplains To Men

Why Baroness von Sketch Show is a must-see.

Posted by on

Mansplaining is when a man takes it upon himself to explain something to a woman that she already knows. It happens a lot, but it’s not going to happen here. Ladies, go ahead and skip to the end of this post to watch a free episode of IFC’s latest addition, Baroness von Sketch Show.

However, if you’re a man, you might actually benefit from a good mansplanation. So take a knee, lean in, and absorb the following wisdom.

No Dicks

Baroness von Sketch Show is made entirely by women, therefore this show isn’t focused on men. Can you believe it? I know what you’re thinking: how will we know when to laugh if the jokes aren’t viewed through the dusty lens of the patriarchy? Where are the thinly veiled penis jokes? Am I a bad person? In order: you will, nowhere, and yes.

BVSS 101_14c

Huge Balls

Did you know that there’s more to life than poop jokes, sex jokes, body part jokes? I mean, those things are all really good things, natch, and totally edgy. But Baroness von Sketch Show does something even edgier. It holds up a brutal funhouse mirror to our everyday life. This is a bulls**t world we made, fellas.

BVSS_101_13

Oh Canada

After you watch the Canadian powerhouses of Baroness von Sketch Show and think to yourself “Dear god, this is so real” and “I’ve gotta talk about this,” do yourself a favor and think a-boot your options: Refrain from sharing your sage wisdom with any woman anywhere (believe us, she gets it). Instead, tell a fellow bro and get the mansplaining out of your system while also spreading the word about a great show.

BVSS 101_9_c

Dudes, that’s the deal.
Women, start reading again here:


Check out the preview episode of Baroness von Sketch Show and watch the series premiere August 2 on IFC.

Powered by ZergNet