Tremors

Creepy Crawlers

Top 10 Freakiest Worms

Catch the Tremors movies this month on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Universal

While super-brained sharks patrol our beaches and killer grizzlies stalk our woods, worms have sort of slipped under the nightmare-inducing pop culture radar. Well, no more. We thought it was high time to celebrate these limbless creepy crawlies, because let’s be honest — while few of us will ever be eaten by a rampaging tiger, we’re all going to end up as worm food someday.

10. Dr. Worm, They Might Be Giants

Dr Worm
Nickelodeon Animation

When it comes to creeping us out, slimy slugs tend to beat cartoon creations, but this little worm, an animated version of the They Might Be Giants song, managed to make our skin crawl by just slapping some skins. He may not seem scary at first, with his baby eyes and mini head mirror, but just watch the video. This little man is more stalker than invertebrate, refusing to let the group of ’90s kids he’s following get away without doing a little dance for his own amusement. He’s the ultimate earworm — burrowing into our brains can’t be far behind.


9. The Slurm Queen, Futurama

Slurm Queeen
FOX

Imagine finding that your favorite soft drink was less a secret recipe, and more a secretion from a giant worm’s anus. Would that stop you from enjoying its sugary goodness? Not if your Fry, the hopelessly Slurm-addicted delivery driver from Futurama, who seems incapable of quitting his soda habit even after he finds out it comes from the hind quarters of a Wormulon Queen.


8. Just a Worm, Labyrinth

Labyrinth worm
Jim Henson Productions

Sure, this little fella isn’t the most terrifying worm on the list, but he is the most frustrating. Frankly, this little bastard turns out to be completely useless when it counts, offering “directions” to Sara (Jennifer Connelly) in the Labyrinth that play out like Siri on crank. And if anyone out there has ever followed their Waze app through a bad neighborhood in the middle of the night, you know that the road away from the Goblin King’s castle is often paved with good intentions.


7. Jeff, Men in Black II

Men in Black
Universal

The worst thing about your morning commute, Jeff the subway stalking slug doesn’t seem like such a bad guy, unless you piss him off. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what Agents Jay and Tee did in this Men in Black sequel, quickly discovering that sometimes a delayed train is better than a devoured one.


6. The Long One, Slither

Slither
Universal

The Long One is a parasitic alien hell-bent on infesting and devouring any life form it comes across. It takes many shapes and forms, but none are freakier than the wiggly worms that will stop at nothing to crawl inside your brain. And trust us, you do not want to know where these worms come from.


5. Sandworm, Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice
Warner Bros.

Tim Burton, master of gothic whimsy, put his own spin on the wicked worm in his 1988 hit Beetlejuice. When recently deceased ghosts Barbara and Adam try to leave the house they’ve been bound to, they stumble onto an otherworldly desert world populated by carnivorous worms. It’s clearly a tip of the hat to a movie we have coming up on the list, but with Burton’s distinctive style, he creates a monster all his own.


4. Flukeman, The X-Files

Flukeman
20th Century Fox

Agents Mulder and Scully came across all kinds of creepy crawlies over the years, but none made as much of an impression as this Season 2 monster, who popped up on screen for mere seconds. A mutant flukeworm born out of the toxic soup that was Chernobyl, this monstrous worm now travels the world infecting human hosts in a desperate attempt to reproduce. If truths like this are out there, we’ll just stay home.


3. Graboids, Tremors

Graboid
Universal Pictures

These killers from below have now starred in five movies and a TV series, and are still coming back for more. There’s buzz that Kevin Bacon himself is in talks to front a new TV series, in which he’ll take on these sand slugs once and for all. With their claw-like mouths and phallic tongues, these hellacious helminths made us afraid of the ground beneath us. (Click here to see all airings of the Tremors movies on IFC.)


2. Exogorth or Space Slugs, The Empire Strikes Back

Space Slug
Lucasfilm

What could possibly be more terrifying than hiding from a bunch of Space Nazis in a cave, only to realize that “this is no cave”? When your choices are die by Imperial hands or hide in the stomach of a space slug, a rock and hard place sounds like a vacation. Fortunately, Han and the gang were flying in the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy.


1. Sandworm, Dune

Dune Sandworm
Universal

The Sandworms, or Shai-Hulud, from the Dune novel and film are worshipped as “the earth deity of Fremen hearth superstitions.” Basically, these worms are the word of God made manifest, and they’re also pretty freaking cool. Just don’t piss them off. The humans of Dune may be obsessed with devouring the spice, but these sandworms are more than happy devouring us.

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Very NSFW

The Brockmire Premiere Is All Truth

Watch The First Episode of Brockmire Right Now for Free

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GIFS via Giphy

At long last, the Brockmire pre-premiere has arrived. Which means you can watch it right now—on IFC.com, at Funny Or Die, on IFC’s Apple TV and mobile apps, on Youtube, on Facebook, on the AMC apps, and right here. So grab some headphones and get watching.

No seriously, get headphones.

Because whether he’s giving a play-by-play or ruminating on the world around him, Jim Brockmire calls it like he sees it. And how he sees it is very NSFW. His take on life is actually quite refreshing, even to the point of being profoundly sage. For proof just look at these pearls of unconventional wisdom from the premiere…

Brockmire On The Internet

“If I need porn I just buy a nudie mag, like my father and his father before him.”

Brockmire On Sex-Ed

“Kids, a strap-on is a belt with d— on it that mommies use to f— daddies.”
Brockmire-Strap-On

Brockmire On The Perfect High

“Somewhere between 10 cups of coffee and very low-grade cocaine.”
Brockmire-Perfect-High

Brockmire On The Tardiness of Spring

“Old man winter’s reaching his hand inside your coat to give that thing one more squeeze.”

Brockmire On Keeping Perspective

“I thought I hit rock bottom in a handicap restroom in Bangkok where a Thai lady-boy snorted crank off my johnson while a sunburnt German watched us on the toilet”
Brockmire-grain-salt

Brockmire On Humanity

“If you want to look directly into the gaping maw of oblivion, don’t look up to the heavens. Just look in the mirror.”
Jules-never-seen

See these nuggets and more in the first episode of Brockmire, and see the whole season beginning April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Thank Azaria

Best. Characters. Ever.

Our favorite Hank Azaria characters.

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GIFs via Giphy

Hank Azaria may well be the most prolific voice and character actor of our time. The work he’s done for The Simpsons alone has earned him a permanent place in the pop culture zeitgeist. And now he’s bringing another character to the mainstream: a washed-up sports announcer named Jim Brockmire, in the aptly titled new series Brockmire.

We’re looking forward to it. So much so that we want to look backward, too, with a short-but-sweet retrospective of some of Azaria’s important characters. Shall we begin?

Half The Recurring Simpsons Characters

He’s Comic Book Guy. He’s Chief Wiggum. He’s Apu. He’s Cletus. He’s Snake. He’s Superintendent Chalmers. He’s the Sea Captain. He’s Kurt “Can I Borrow A Feeling” Van Houten. He’s Professor Frink. He’s Carl. And he’s many more. But most importantly he’s Moe Szyslak, the staple character Azaria has voiced since his very first audition for The Simpsons.

Oh, and He’s Frank Grimes

For all the regular Simpsons characters Azaria has played over the years, his most brilliant performance may have been a one-off: Frank Grimes, the scrappy bootstrapper who worked tirelessly all his life for honest, incremental, and easily-undermined success. Azaria’s portrayal of this character was nuanced, emotional, and simply magical.

Patches O’Houlihan

Dodgeball is a “sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” as Hank Azaria generously points out in his brief but crucial cameo in Dodgeball. That’s sage wisdom. Try applying his “five D’s” to your life on and off the court and enjoy the results.

Harold Zoid

Of Futurama fame. The crazy uncle of Dr. Zoidberg, Harold Zoid was once a lion (or lobster) of the silver screen until Smell-o-vision forced him into retirement.

Agador

The Birdcage was significant for many reasons, and the comic genius of Hank Azaria’s character “Agador” sits somewhere towards the top of that list. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.

Gargamel

Nobody else could make a live-action Gargamel possible.

Ed Cochran

From Ray Donovan. Great character, great last name [editorial note: the author of this article may be bias].

Kahmunra, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln

All in the Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian, a file that let Azaria flex his voice acting and live-action muscles in one fell swoop.

The Blue Raja

Mystery Men has everything, including a fatal case of Smash Mouth. Azaria’s iconic superhero makes the shortlist of redeemable qualities, though.

Dr. Huff

Huff put Azaria in a leading role, and it was good. So good that there is no good gif of it. Internet? More like Inter-not.

Learn more about Hank Azaria’s newest claim to fame right here, and don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Flame Out

Brockmire and Other Public Implosions

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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There’s less than a month until the Brockmire premiere, and to say we’re excited would be an insulting understatement. It’s not just that it stars Hank Azaria, who can do no wrong (and yes, that’s including Mystery Men, which is only cringeworthy because of Smash Mouth). It’s that the whole backstory of the titular character, Jim Brockmire, is the stuff of legends. A one-time iconic sportscaster who won the hearts of fans and players alike, he fell from grace after an unfortunate personal event triggered a seriously public meltdown. See for yourself in the NSFW Funny or Die digital short that spawned the IFC series:

See? NSFW and spectacularly catastrophic in a way that could almost be real. Which got us thinking: What are some real-life sports fails that have nothing to do with botched athletics and everything to do with going tragically off script? The internet is a dark and dirty place, friends, but these three examples are pretty special and mostly safe for work…

Disgruntled Sports Reporter

His co-anchor went offsides and he called it like he saw it.

Jim Rome vs Jim “Not Chris” Everett

You just don’t heckle a professional athlete when you’re within striking distance. Common sense.

Carl Lewis’s National Anthem

He killed it! As in murdered. It’s dead.

To see more moments just like these, we recommend spending a day in your pajamas combing through the muckiness of the internet. But to see something that’s Brockmire-level funny without having to clear your browser history, check out the sneak peeks and extras here.

Don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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