Tremors

Creepy Crawlers

Top 10 Freakiest Worms

Catch the Tremors movies this month on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Universal

While super-brained sharks patrol our beaches and killer grizzlies stalk our woods, worms have sort of slipped under the nightmare-inducing pop culture radar. Well, no more. We thought it was high time to celebrate these limbless creepy crawlies, because let’s be honest — while few of us will ever be eaten by a rampaging tiger, we’re all going to end up as worm food someday.

10. Dr. Worm, They Might Be Giants

Dr Worm
Nickelodeon Animation

When it comes to creeping us out, slimy slugs tend to beat cartoon creations, but this little worm, an animated version of the They Might Be Giants song, managed to make our skin crawl by just slapping some skins. He may not seem scary at first, with his baby eyes and mini head mirror, but just watch the video. This little man is more stalker than invertebrate, refusing to let the group of ’90s kids he’s following get away without doing a little dance for his own amusement. He’s the ultimate earworm — burrowing into our brains can’t be far behind.


9. The Slurm Queen, Futurama

Slurm Queeen
FOX

Imagine finding that your favorite soft drink was less a secret recipe, and more a secretion from a giant worm’s anus. Would that stop you from enjoying its sugary goodness? Not if your Fry, the hopelessly Slurm-addicted delivery driver from Futurama, who seems incapable of quitting his soda habit even after he finds out it comes from the hind quarters of a Wormulon Queen.


8. Just a Worm, Labyrinth

Labyrinth worm
Jim Henson Productions

Sure, this little fella isn’t the most terrifying worm on the list, but he is the most frustrating. Frankly, this little bastard turns out to be completely useless when it counts, offering “directions” to Sara (Jennifer Connelly) in the Labyrinth that play out like Siri on crank. And if anyone out there has ever followed their Waze app through a bad neighborhood in the middle of the night, you know that the road away from the Goblin King’s castle is often paved with good intentions.


7. Jeff, Men in Black II

Men in Black
Universal

The worst thing about your morning commute, Jeff the subway stalking slug doesn’t seem like such a bad guy, unless you piss him off. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what Agents Jay and Tee did in this Men in Black sequel, quickly discovering that sometimes a delayed train is better than a devoured one.


6. The Long One, Slither

Slither
Universal

The Long One is a parasitic alien hell-bent on infesting and devouring any life form it comes across. It takes many shapes and forms, but none are freakier than the wiggly worms that will stop at nothing to crawl inside your brain. And trust us, you do not want to know where these worms come from.


5. Sandworm, Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice
Warner Bros.

Tim Burton, master of gothic whimsy, put his own spin on the wicked worm in his 1988 hit Beetlejuice. When recently deceased ghosts Barbara and Adam try to leave the house they’ve been bound to, they stumble onto an otherworldly desert world populated by carnivorous worms. It’s clearly a tip of the hat to a movie we have coming up on the list, but with Burton’s distinctive style, he creates a monster all his own.


4. Flukeman, The X-Files

Flukeman
20th Century Fox

Agents Mulder and Scully came across all kinds of creepy crawlies over the years, but none made as much of an impression as this Season 2 monster, who popped up on screen for mere seconds. A mutant flukeworm born out of the toxic soup that was Chernobyl, this monstrous worm now travels the world infecting human hosts in a desperate attempt to reproduce. If truths like this are out there, we’ll just stay home.


3. Graboids, Tremors

Graboid
Universal Pictures

These killers from below have now starred in five movies and a TV series, and are still coming back for more. There’s buzz that Kevin Bacon himself is in talks to front a new TV series, in which he’ll take on these sand slugs once and for all. With their claw-like mouths and phallic tongues, these hellacious helminths made us afraid of the ground beneath us. (Click here to see all airings of the Tremors movies on IFC.)


2. Exogorth or Space Slugs, The Empire Strikes Back

Space Slug
Lucasfilm

What could possibly be more terrifying than hiding from a bunch of Space Nazis in a cave, only to realize that “this is no cave”? When your choices are die by Imperial hands or hide in the stomach of a space slug, a rock and hard place sounds like a vacation. Fortunately, Han and the gang were flying in the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy.


1. Sandworm, Dune

Dune Sandworm
Universal

The Sandworms, or Shai-Hulud, from the Dune novel and film are worshipped as “the earth deity of Fremen hearth superstitions.” Basically, these worms are the word of God made manifest, and they’re also pretty freaking cool. Just don’t piss them off. The humans of Dune may be obsessed with devouring the spice, but these sandworms are more than happy devouring us.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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