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Conan the Barbarian Everett Arnold

King Conan

10 Reasons Why Conan the Barbarian Is What Is Best In Life

Catch Conan the Barbarian this month on IFC.

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Conan the Barbarian is the tale of an ultra-muscled warrior who went on to dominate a new homeland with a surprising amount of charisma, which basically makes it the most Schwarzenegger-iest movie ever made. With the original Conan the Barbarian airing this month on IFC, it’s time to list the reasons why the Cimmerian hero is what is best in life.

1. He punches everyone and every thing. Even Camels.

Camel Punch

An unbelievably muscular man gets laughs by knocking out an inhuman creature with lustrous sandy hair. No, it’s not Hulk knocking out Thor, it’s Conan cold-cocking a camel.


2. He prays for the downfall of his enemies.

Prayer to Crom

Only Conan could pray to a warrior god while outnumbered and surrounded by several entire armies and still end it with a threat. And it worked.


3. He knows that knives make your point better than words.

Enough Talk

Of all the barbarian abilities we wish we could deploy in the modern world, this is the greatest. Just think of all the time you could save with this sharp one-liner in your next boring team meeting.


4. He has a way with the ladies.

Grace Jones Conan

Whether it’s Sandahl Bergman’s Valeria or Grace Jones as Zula in Conan the Destroyer, Conan is catnip to the ladies. They’re always trying to grab him and take him.


5. He’s been known to go for a spin.

Conan Spinning

Conan hates wizards, and never more so when fighting the bizarre wrestling-monster of Thoth-Amon in the room of mirrors. This wizard seems to suplex more often than slinging fireballs, but that only makes it a better fight.


6. He cracks heads like walnuts.

Conan Heads

Of course Conan defeats enemies. That’s what he does. It’s how he does it that’s interesting, and this has to be the greatest multiple concussion we’ve ever seen.


7. He knows every argument can be settled with an axe.

Conan Axe

You probably shouldn’t ride a horse around Conan. It never ends well.


8. Nothing hurts him. Well, expect maybe pain.

Like Dalton from Road House, Conan knows that “pain don’t hurt.”


9. He knows how to party.

Valeria Conan

Drunk Conan is the best. You may lose your head at the end of the night, but you’ll have a blast.


10. And of course, he taught us all what is best in life.

Conan Drunk

The most famous mission statement of all time can be applied to anything, whether it’s taking down an evil snake cult or the guy who cut you in line at the frozen yogurt shop.

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Rev Up

Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

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Give Back

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…

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A-O Rewind

Celebrating Portlandia One Sketch at a Time

The final season of Portlandia approaches.

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GIFs via Giphy

Most people measure time in minutes, hours, days, years…At IFC, we measure it in sketches. And nothing takes us way (waaaaaay) back like Portlandia sketches. Yes, there’s a Portlandia milepost from every season that changed the way we think, behave, and pickle things. In honor of Portlandia’s 8th and final season, Subaru presents a few of our favorites.

via GIPHY

Put A Bird On It

Portlandia enters the pop-culture lexicon and inspires us to put birds on literally everything.

Colin the Chicken

Who’s your chicken, really? Behold the emerging locavore trend captured perfectly to the nth degree.

Dream Of The ’90s

This treatise on Portland made it clear that “the dream” was alive and well.

No You Go

We Americans spend most of our lives in cars. Fortunately, there’s a Portlandia sketch for every automotive situation.

A-O River!

We learned all our outdoor survival skills from Kath and Dave.

One More Episode

The true birth of binge watching, pre-Netflix. And what you’ll do once Season 8 premieres.

Catch up on Portlandia’s best moments before the 8th season premieres January 18th on IFC.

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