Conan the Barbarian Everett Arnold

King Conan

10 Reasons Why Conan the Barbarian Is What Is Best In Life

Catch Conan the Barbarian this month on IFC.

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Conan the Barbarian is the tale of an ultra-muscled warrior who went on to dominate a new homeland with a surprising amount of charisma, which basically makes it the most Schwarzenegger-iest movie ever made. With the original Conan the Barbarian airing this month on IFC, it’s time to list the reasons why the Cimmerian hero is what is best in life.

1. He punches everyone and every thing. Even Camels.

Camel Punch

An unbelievably muscular man gets laughs by knocking out an inhuman creature with lustrous sandy hair. No, it’s not Hulk knocking out Thor, it’s Conan cold-cocking a camel.


2. He prays for the downfall of his enemies.

Prayer to Crom

Only Conan could pray to a warrior god while outnumbered and surrounded by several entire armies and still end it with a threat. And it worked.


3. He knows that knives make your point better than words.

Enough Talk

Of all the barbarian abilities we wish we could deploy in the modern world, this is the greatest. Just think of all the time you could save with this sharp one-liner in your next boring team meeting.


4. He has a way with the ladies.

Grace Jones Conan

Whether it’s Sandahl Bergman’s Valeria or Grace Jones as Zula in Conan the Destroyer, Conan is catnip to the ladies. They’re always trying to grab him and take him.


5. He’s been known to go for a spin.

Conan Spinning

Conan hates wizards, and never more so when fighting the bizarre wrestling-monster of Thoth-Amon in the room of mirrors. This wizard seems to suplex more often than slinging fireballs, but that only makes it a better fight.


6. He cracks heads like walnuts.

Conan Heads

Of course Conan defeats enemies. That’s what he does. It’s how he does it that’s interesting, and this has to be the greatest multiple concussion we’ve ever seen.


7. He knows every argument can be settled with an axe.

Conan Axe

You probably shouldn’t ride a horse around Conan. It never ends well.


8. Nothing hurts him. Well, expect maybe pain.

Like Dalton from Road House, Conan knows that “pain don’t hurt.”


9. He knows how to party.

Valeria Conan

Drunk Conan is the best. You may lose your head at the end of the night, but you’ll have a blast.


10. And of course, he taught us all what is best in life.

Conan Drunk

The most famous mission statement of all time can be applied to anything, whether it’s taking down an evil snake cult or the guy who cut you in line at the frozen yogurt shop.

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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