Friday-Large-web

Bye Felicia

The 10 Biggest Buzzkills From Stoner Movies

Spend 4/20 with IFC's Hit Movies Marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Stoner movies are perfect for chilling out. But just like real life, every stoner movie has at least one character who just seems determined to ruin your high. Whether they’re cops, teachers, bullies, narcs, or even clueless stoners themselves, the people on this list are the biggest buzzkills in the world of herbal filmdom.

1. Sgt. Stedenko, Cheech and Chong’s Up in Smoke

The buzzkill of all buzzkills is Sgt. Stedenko, from stoner pioneers Cheech and Chong. The stiff and clueless narcotics cop (perfectly played by Stacy Keach) appeared in Up in Smoke in 1978 and then in 1981’s Nice Dreams. The character goes all the way back to Cheech and Chong’s comedy LPs in the early ’70s, but his greatest moment is undoubtedly the “Lard Ass” scene from Up in Smoke.


2. Mr. Hand, Fast Times at Ridgemont High

“What are you people? On drugs?,” asks Ridgemont High history teacher Mr. Hand, played by veteran character actor Ray Walston. Jeff Spicoli sure is, and the condescending Mr. Hand does everything he can to make life harsh for the harmless stoner. No wonder Spicoli sizes up Mr. Hand within minutes of meeting him with the perfect phrase: “You dick!”


3. Fred O’Bannion, Dazed and Confused

Sometimes the buzzkill dicks are from closer to your own age group. In 1993’s Dazed and Confused, Ben Affleck plays Fred O’Bannion, a senior bully who took sadistic delight in the hazing ritual paddling of the stoner freshman. We all knew somebody like O’Banion in high school, and none of them ever ended up as successful as Ben Affleck.


4. Sir Smoke-a-Lot, Half Baked

Even major stoners themselves can be a buzzkill, especially when they get too baked and start chewing your ear off about their problems. That’s what Sir Smoke-a-Lot did to Dave Chappelle’s character Thurgood in the stoner classic Half Baked. To make it even worse, Sir Smoke-a-Lot was also played by Dave Chappelle. So he’s annoying himself.


5. Felicia, Friday

You would think that the biggest buzzkill in 1995’s Friday would be the psycho drug dealer Big Worm, since trying to get the $200 that’s owed to him is what the movie is about. But the buzzkill honors go to Felicia (played by Angela Means) whose annoying begging to borrow everything from a VCR to a car brings everybody down. Her place in buzzkill history was cemented when Ice Cube’s diss of her (“Bye Felicia”) became a popular meme almost as annoying as Felicia herself.


6. Randal Graves, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

We liked deadpan video store drone Randal Graves when he first appeared in Clerks back in 1994. But by the time Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back rolled around, he was a serious buzzkill who took out a restraining order to keep the slacker pot dealing duo from hanging out in front of the Quick Stop. Dude doesn’t even like Morris Day & the Time.


7. Neil Patrick Harris, Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

Nothing can harsh the mellow of a righteous stoner like the intense and creepy vibes coming off someone on hard drugs. It’s especially bad when that druggie is a totally wired Neil Patrick Harris (playing a slightly fictionalized version of himself) who is “tripping balls” on ecstasy. He ends up stealing Harold and Kumar’s car and befouling it with “love stains.” In later Harold & Kumar movies, Harris uses a branding iron on a hooker and is thrown out of Heaven by Jesus. Not cool.


8. The Nihilists, The Big Lebowski

You know what can ruin a good buzz almost immediately? Having a live marmot thrown onto your naked crotch. That’s what the sinister figures known as The Nihilists do to The Dude in the Coen Bros.’ stoner classic The Big Lebowski. Then they threaten to come back and “cut off your Johnson” and maybe stomp on it and squoosh it. That’s because they believe in nothing. Nothing! They’re nihilists, not to be confused with Nazis, who at least have an ethos.


9. Elvis Hunkee, Soul Plane

If you see Tom Arnold playing a character named Elvis Hunkee in a movie called Soul Plane, you can be damn sure that he’s playing the buzzkill. The fact that he and his family are the only white people on the Soul Plane just confirms it. The thing that makes Hunkee such a downer is his awkward cluelessness as everyone else on the plane gets higher and higher, including his own wife and kids.


10. The Chinese food drive-thru order box, Dude, Where’s My Car?

Any stoner can tell you that sometimes the biggest buzzkills come from inanimate objects. In Dude, Where’s My Car?, the usually mellow Jesse (Ashton Kucher) has his mind toyed with by the drive-thru order box at a Chinese fast food place. The nice thing about getting into it with a disembodied voice is that you’re free to react pretty much however you want. You’re probably not going to get your Chinese food, though.

Spend 4/20 with IFC’s Hit Movies Marathon.

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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