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Bye Felicia

The 10 Biggest Buzzkills From Stoner Movies

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Stoner movies are perfect for chilling out. But just like real life, every stoner movie has at least one character who just seems determined to ruin your high. Whether they’re cops, teachers, bullies, narcs, or even clueless stoners themselves, the people on this list are the biggest buzzkills in the world of herbal filmdom.

1. Sgt. Stedenko, Cheech and Chong’s Up in Smoke

The buzzkill of all buzzkills is Sgt. Stedenko, from stoner pioneers Cheech and Chong. The stiff and clueless narcotics cop (perfectly played by Stacy Keach) appeared in Up in Smoke in 1978 and then in 1981’s Nice Dreams. The character goes all the way back to Cheech and Chong’s comedy LPs in the early ’70s, but his greatest moment is undoubtedly the “Lard Ass” scene from Up in Smoke.


2. Mr. Hand, Fast Times at Ridgemont High

“What are you people? On drugs?,” asks Ridgemont High history teacher Mr. Hand, played by veteran character actor Ray Walston. Jeff Spicoli sure is, and the condescending Mr. Hand does everything he can to make life harsh for the harmless stoner. No wonder Spicoli sizes up Mr. Hand within minutes of meeting him with the perfect phrase: “You dick!”


3. Fred O’Bannion, Dazed and Confused

Sometimes the buzzkill dicks are from closer to your own age group. In 1993’s Dazed and Confused, Ben Affleck plays Fred O’Bannion, a senior bully who took sadistic delight in the hazing ritual paddling of the stoner freshman. We all knew somebody like O’Banion in high school, and none of them ever ended up as successful as Ben Affleck.


4. Sir Smoke-a-Lot, Half Baked

Even major stoners themselves can be a buzzkill, especially when they get too baked and start chewing your ear off about their problems. That’s what Sir Smoke-a-Lot did to Dave Chappelle’s character Thurgood in the stoner classic Half Baked. To make it even worse, Sir Smoke-a-Lot was also played by Dave Chappelle. So he’s annoying himself.


5. Felicia, Friday

You would think that the biggest buzzkill in 1995’s Friday would be the psycho drug dealer Big Worm, since trying to get the $200 that’s owed to him is what the movie is about. But the buzzkill honors go to Felicia (played by Angela Means) whose annoying begging to borrow everything from a VCR to a car brings everybody down. Her place in buzzkill history was cemented when Ice Cube’s diss of her (“Bye Felicia”) became a popular meme almost as annoying as Felicia herself.


6. Randal Graves, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

We liked deadpan video store drone Randal Graves when he first appeared in Clerks back in 1994. But by the time Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back rolled around, he was a serious buzzkill who took out a restraining order to keep the slacker pot dealing duo from hanging out in front of the Quick Stop. Dude doesn’t even like Morris Day & the Time.


7. Neil Patrick Harris, Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

Nothing can harsh the mellow of a righteous stoner like the intense and creepy vibes coming off someone on hard drugs. It’s especially bad when that druggie is a totally wired Neil Patrick Harris (playing a slightly fictionalized version of himself) who is “tripping balls” on ecstasy. He ends up stealing Harold and Kumar’s car and befouling it with “love stains.” In later Harold & Kumar movies, Harris uses a branding iron on a hooker and is thrown out of Heaven by Jesus. Not cool.


8. The Nihilists, The Big Lebowski

You know what can ruin a good buzz almost immediately? Having a live marmot thrown onto your naked crotch. That’s what the sinister figures known as The Nihilists do to The Dude in the Coen Bros.’ stoner classic The Big Lebowski. Then they threaten to come back and “cut off your Johnson” and maybe stomp on it and squoosh it. That’s because they believe in nothing. Nothing! They’re nihilists, not to be confused with Nazis, who at least have an ethos.


9. Elvis Hunkee, Soul Plane

If you see Tom Arnold playing a character named Elvis Hunkee in a movie called Soul Plane, you can be damn sure that he’s playing the buzzkill. The fact that he and his family are the only white people on the Soul Plane just confirms it. The thing that makes Hunkee such a downer is his awkward cluelessness as everyone else on the plane gets higher and higher, including his own wife and kids.


10. The Chinese food drive-thru order box, Dude, Where’s My Car?

Any stoner can tell you that sometimes the biggest buzzkills come from inanimate objects. In Dude, Where’s My Car?, the usually mellow Jesse (Ashton Kucher) has his mind toyed with by the drive-thru order box at a Chinese fast food place. The nice thing about getting into it with a disembodied voice is that you’re free to react pretty much however you want. You’re probably not going to get your Chinese food, though.

Spend 4/20 with IFC’s Hit Movies Marathon.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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