Never let it be said that Arnold doesn’t have a way with words. Sure, half of those words might be indecipherable. But the ones that land are like perfect nuggets of movie quote magic. Before you have your enemies driven before you by watching the Conan the Barbarian movies on IFC this month, take a look at some of Arnold’s funniest one-liners.
10. True Lies
True Lies ends with Arnie in the cockpit of a Harrier jet, and a terrorist leader hanging from one of its missiles. Which is pointing directly at a helicopter loaded with more terrorists. It’s like the universe realigned itself just to make this line possible.
Sometimes trouble is just an opportunity for further growth. And sometimes being attacked by a gigantic alligator is a chance to deliver a ridiculously specific one-liner.
8. Total Recall
It takes a lot to make 1990s Sharon Stone unappealing, but her pulling a gun and shooting at your face would definitely do it. Arnie’s Quaid is quicker on the trigger, and quicker still with the brutal one-liner.
When in doubt, blame the pavement. Works for Arnold in Twins, and it’ll work for you the next time someone’s face has a date with your fist.
Where other Hollywood blockbusters waste time with boring exposition, Predator prefaces the alien invader action with even more action. Arnie destroys an entire armed encampment as a mere prelude, and sharpens (pun intended) his one-liner skills in the process.
5. Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero manages to completely take the piss out of the action movie genre while also being a straight-up action movie. It also allowed Arnold to pay tribute to the Bard before he made “winter of our discontent” puns in Batman & Robin.
4. The Running Man
To be honest, we’re not even sure if this line even makes sense. But that doesn’t stop us from laughing every time we hear it.
3. The 6th Day
The Sixth Day might not be the most memorable Arnold movie, but it did give us this ultimate NSFW answer to cloning.
2. Conan the Barbarian
Turns out it was Conan (and not Oprah) who told us how to live our best life. And he did it with actual clubs instead of book clubs.
Commando delivers more one liners for corpses than a headstone factory, and John Matrix’s line when he dispatches Bennett is easily the best. It’s the exact formula for a perfect Schwarzenegger one-liner — a short, deadly burst of “pun-ishment.”