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Last Witch Hunter

A Timeline of Vin Diesel’s Hair in Movies

Catch Vin Diesel in Pitch Black and Babylon A.D. Thursday, March 31st starting at 5:45P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Lionsgate

With some actors, it feels like they’ve always been old. Wilford Brimley was playing grandpas all the way back in the 1986 television series Our House, and is somehow still going strong. Some actors don’t age at all. Paul Rudd could probably still play a teen heartthrob in a pinch. It’s like he’s frozen in alabaster. Very likable alabaster

And then there’s Vin Diesel, America’s living Olive Garden emoji, because when you’re with him, you’re family. Vin has a very special quality that sets him apart from nearly every other actor in the game: he’s always been bald. Seriously, he must have started balding at birth. Try to remember when he had hair. Any hair. Maybe some early movie, before he broke big?

How about Multi-Facial, the short film that first got him attention?

Multifacial

Nope. Well, he must have had hair in his big break, Saving Private Ryan?

Dreamworks

Not so much.

Okay, how about Boiler Room?

New Line Cinema

Bald as a coot. And, obviously, he wasn’t using his Rogaine when he made Pitch Black.

Few actors, since the heyday of chrome dome Telly Savalas, have been as bald for as long as Mr. Diesel. You have to dig deep into his past, to a time when he was still known as Mark Sinclair, aspiring break-dancer, to find a hairdo on his head. And what a ‘do it was, a tight Afro that wouldn’t get in the way of a head spin or two.

Vin Diesel breakdancing

No, if we’re being honest, Vin Diesel with hair is like Arnold with an American accent or The Rock not smelling what anyone’s cooking. It just doesn’t make sense. But it has happened.

The first time Mr. Big Movie Star decided to play the follicle game was in the big budget Pitch Black sequel, The Chronicles of Riddick. That was 2004, just shy of a decade removed from his first real part in the movies. More chunky dreads than movie star locks, he looked a bit like he was making a movie about George Clinton taking over for Santa Claus.

New Line Cinema

We’d have to wait two more years for the Vin Diesel wig department’s true tour de force. Find Me Guilty saw Diesel playing a wise guy who decides to defend himself in court. Hemmed in by the minor detail that he was portraying a real person, there was little choice but to slap some hair on that cue ball. Our man Vin sports a wig that would make The People vs. O.J. Simpson proud. The Big Short would use this wig as inspiration for their whole movie, that’s how impressive it was. It’s got pomp. It’s got loads of forehead. It’s beautiful.

Freestyle Releasing

The 2015 bomb The Last Witch Hunter would see Diesel’s return to the wig game, with a short on the sides, long in the back style that looks more at home in a Macklemore video than in a gritty, historical action flick. Still, you can’t blame the guy. What does he know about hair? The last time he got a haircut M.C Hammer was still legit enough to quit.

Lionsgate

And then…nothing. Hair silence. And with news that Vin is developing a Kojack movie, we may be out of luck for a while. Still, an army of wigs stands ready and able, waiting for the call.

IFC_Portlandia-S8_best-of-skits_subaru-blog

The Best Of The Last

Portlandia Goes Out With A Bang

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The end is near. In mere days Portlandia wraps up its final season, and oh what a season it’s been. Lucky for you, you can watch the entire season right now right here and on the IFC app, including this free episode courtesy of Subaru.

But now, let’s take a moment to look back at some of the new classics Fred and Carrie have so thoughtfully bestowed upon us. (We’ll be looking back through tear-blurred eyes, but you do you.)

Couples Dinner

It’s not that being single sucks, it’s that you suck if you’re single.

Cancel it!

A sketch for anyone who has cancelled more appointments than they’ve kept. Which is everyone.

Forgotten America

This one’s a “Serial” killer…everything both right and wrong about true crime podcasts.

Wedding Planners

The only bad wedding is a boring wedding.

Disaster Hut

It’s only the end of the world if your doomsday kit doesn’t include rosé.

Catch up on Portlandia’s final episodes on demand and at IFC.com

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Your Portlandia Personality Test

The New Portlandia Webseries Is Going Your Way

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Carrie and Fred understand that although we have so much in common, we’re each so beautifully unique and different. To help us navigate those differences, Portlandia has found an easy and honest way to embrace our special selves in the form of a progressive new traffic system: a specific lane for every kind of driver. It’s all in honor of the show’s 8th and final season, and it’s all presented by Subaru.

Ready to find out who you really are? Match your personality to a lane and hop on the expressway to self-understanding.

Lane 10: Trucks Piled With Junk

Your junk is falling out of your trunk. Shake a tail light, people — this lane is for you.

Lane 33: Twins

You’re like a Gemini, but waaaay more pedestrian. Maybe you and a friend just wear the same outfits a lot. Who cares, it’s just twinning enough to make you feel special.

Lane 27: Broken Windows

Bad luck follows you around and everyone knows it. Your proverbial seat is always damp from proverbial rain. Is this the universe telling you to swallow your pride? Yes.

Lane 69: Filthy Cars

You’re all about convenience. Getting your car washed while you drive is a no-brainer.

Lane 43: Newly Divorced Singles

It’s been a while since you’ve driven alone, and you don’t know the rules of the road anymore. What’s too fast? What’s too slow? Are you sending the right signals? Don’t worry, the breakdown lane is nearby if you need it.

Still can’t find a lane to match your personality? Check out all the videos here. And see the final season of Portlandia this spring on IFC.

Uncle-Buck

Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide

Hits from the '80s are on repeat all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC.

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GIFs via Giphy, Photos via The Everett Collection

It’s the final countdown to Christmas and thanks to IFC’s movie marathon all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, you can revel in classic ’80s films AND find inspiration for your last-minute gifts. Here are our recommendations, if you need a head start:

Musical Instrument

Great analog entertainment substitute when you refuse to give your kid the Nintendo Switch they’ve been drooling over.

Breakfast In Bed

Any significant other or child would appreciate these Uncle Buck-approved flapjacks. Just make sure you’re not stuck on clean up duty.

Cocktail Supplies

You’ll need them to get through the holidays.

Dance Lessons

So you can learn to shake-shake-shake (unless you know ghosts willing to lend a hand).

Comfy Clothes

With all the holiday meals, there may be some…embigenning.



Get even more great inspiration all Christmas Eve and Day on IFC, and remember…